dhamma_newb wrote:Hi Dhamma Wheel,
Another topic that I haven't yet seen discussed in a practical way is sexual desire. Even with attempts to be mindful and the best of intentions I still find myself giving in to the craving for sex, even when I know that there are more productive things I could be doing with my time (homework, meditating, etc.) Afterwards I feel drained of energy and end up not doing a lot of the things that I value or told myself I was going to do. Maybe I don't value them enough?
or maybe you just feel like giving in to your desires?
If you have no intention of ordaining, then a healthy sexual desire is not frowned upon.
the secret is to be Mindful and skilful in your discernment concerning your desire.
if - as you point out - you could definitely spend your time doing something useful, then perhaps this is misuse of your time.
But don't beat yourself up with guilt about it.
it all comes down to personal discipline and practice.
sexual desire is quite natural and normal.
but if it impedes your progress, or diverts you from an objective, then the simplest thing is to just not give in to the temptation.
(Note: 'simple' doesn't mean 'easy' - ! It was Oscar Wilde who said he could resist anything, except temptation!
If you go wrong today - you can always make more effort to start right again, tomorrow!
I'm still not really sure what the third precept even means, except for not committing adultery, which I don't do anyway. Beyond that I am still not clear on what to do regarding my sexual urges....
basically, I would venture to suggest that most Buddhist laypeople are agreed that, in essence, the crux of the matter is that you Do no Harm. That's the first Precept, and applies basically to every following precept too... and it includes you, of course. in matters of a carnal nature, do nothing that compromises the well-being, free will, dignity or peace of mind, of any participant.
and as far as Theravada is concerned, it doesn't matter of what sexual persuasion you are - bisexual, hetero- or homosexual - the same factors apply.
see also this body of text.
Laymen are advised in the Buddha's Teaching to avoid sexual misconduct. That means, if one wants to experience sex, he must do so without creating any violence or by using any kind of force, threat or causing fear. A decent sex life which respects the other partner is not against this religion; it accepts the fact that it is a necessity for those who are not yet ready to renounce the worldly life.
According to Buddhism, those who are involved in extra-marital sex with someone who is already married, who has been betrothed to someone else, and also with those who are under the protection of their parents or guardians are said to be guilty of sexual misconduct, because there is a rupture of social norms, where a third party is being made to suffer as a result of the selfishness of one or the other partner.
from here:http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... e.html#ch9
this website is invaluable as a most excellent reference source.