Will you be my Sangha?
Posted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 4:15 pm
Hello
I attended my first Vipassana meditation course (as taught by Mr. S. N. Goenka) over a decade ago on recommendation of an acquaintance. It had a strong impact on me even though I could not focus my mind enough to feel finer sensations and do any Vipassana. After the first course I attended four more ten-day retreats. My last 10-day retreat was almost 6 years ago.
While in my heart I know that this is the right path for me, I have not made any progress towards liberation because I have not been able to find the inner strength to do daily meditation. Without walking the path, there can be no progress no matter how much I read and agree with the teaching.
Many times I have made a determination to meditate daily at home, yet I always fail and quit within a week. I have never been able to maintain focus with Anapanasati. When I cannot focus on breath for two seconds, the question of being able to feel sensations etc does not arise. This has always been a source of great frustration. During 10-day retreats, I could never manage to focus on breath for more than 2 seconds at a time. After my last retreat almost 6 years ago, I quit in depression feeling I was simply too coarse to progress on this path.
A thought occured to me a few days ago: what would be the biggest regret of my life if I were to die today? The answer came instantly: wasting my life by not striving harder and meditating more. I have been given a precious opportunity, and I have wasted a decade. I am not getting younger, death can come anytime. The thought is alarming.
So, this is why I am registering an account here at Dhammawheel. I have been reading the forum on and off for a few months. I want to put an end to this feeling of depression and frustration. I want to be able to meditate daily, that is the only way I will find happiness. And since I am so weak, I need a sangha with whom to meditate daily. There are no meditators nearby with whom I can meditate daily or once a week. You guys are all I have.
I hope you will accept me and tolerate me if I start a personal thread for daily meditation where I can 'post attendance' after each daily meditation. I am aware of The Dhamma Wheel Meditation Challenge, would it be okay to start a new thread for my selfish purpose?
My plan is to start light, meditate 15 minutes at a time, twice a day. Make it a habit for a month or so before gradually increasing the meditation time.
Regards
I attended my first Vipassana meditation course (as taught by Mr. S. N. Goenka) over a decade ago on recommendation of an acquaintance. It had a strong impact on me even though I could not focus my mind enough to feel finer sensations and do any Vipassana. After the first course I attended four more ten-day retreats. My last 10-day retreat was almost 6 years ago.
While in my heart I know that this is the right path for me, I have not made any progress towards liberation because I have not been able to find the inner strength to do daily meditation. Without walking the path, there can be no progress no matter how much I read and agree with the teaching.
Many times I have made a determination to meditate daily at home, yet I always fail and quit within a week. I have never been able to maintain focus with Anapanasati. When I cannot focus on breath for two seconds, the question of being able to feel sensations etc does not arise. This has always been a source of great frustration. During 10-day retreats, I could never manage to focus on breath for more than 2 seconds at a time. After my last retreat almost 6 years ago, I quit in depression feeling I was simply too coarse to progress on this path.
A thought occured to me a few days ago: what would be the biggest regret of my life if I were to die today? The answer came instantly: wasting my life by not striving harder and meditating more. I have been given a precious opportunity, and I have wasted a decade. I am not getting younger, death can come anytime. The thought is alarming.
So, this is why I am registering an account here at Dhammawheel. I have been reading the forum on and off for a few months. I want to put an end to this feeling of depression and frustration. I want to be able to meditate daily, that is the only way I will find happiness. And since I am so weak, I need a sangha with whom to meditate daily. There are no meditators nearby with whom I can meditate daily or once a week. You guys are all I have.
I hope you will accept me and tolerate me if I start a personal thread for daily meditation where I can 'post attendance' after each daily meditation. I am aware of The Dhamma Wheel Meditation Challenge, would it be okay to start a new thread for my selfish purpose?
My plan is to start light, meditate 15 minutes at a time, twice a day. Make it a habit for a month or so before gradually increasing the meditation time.
Regards