Life changes

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Life changes

Postby Frank Underwood » Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:39 pm

Hi all,

I've been struggling a lot with having a short temper and getting angry over what I consider to be justifiable circumstances.

A neighbour over the street has frequently been up until 4 A.M playing music, but mostly just talking loudly, shouting and 'wooing' with the windows open.

They are maybe 20 meters away. All other neighbours around them keep their windows closed, even in the summer, which is incredibly annoying because I like to keep my window open year-round, especially in summer.

I've gone over before at around 1 A.M and asked them to at least keep the windows closed, which they did that night, but now it's an issue again.

I contacted the council and they sent me a log to keep track of it over 2 weeks to then submit back to them so they can see if it's enough to justify escalation and notifying the people in question. Well, the log arrived just as winter hit and their windows weren't open, so basically nothing happened.
Now it's getting quite mild again, the windows are open again, so I think I'll re-open the case and request another form.

It just annoys me when it happens. It's so incredibly rude and disrespectful that it's obvious to me that they are perfectly aware of how disruptive they're being, they just seemingly don't care.
It keeps me angry for hours and stresses me.

So basically I'm trying to find ways of calming myself down.

I've tried meditation before but never seemed to 'do it' properly because my mind often wondered. I've tried this both when I'm stressed as well as when I'm fine.

Any suggestions?
Frank Underwood
 
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Re: Life changes

Postby retrofuturist » Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:45 pm

Greetings Frank,

Welcome to Dhamma Wheel.

:buddha2:

"He who checks rising anger as a charioteer checks a rolling chariot, him I call a true charioteer. Others only hold the reins." (Dhammapada, verse 222) - http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .budd.html

With the arising of anger, I personally find it useful to reflect on what the anger is achieving. Typically it is just bringing suffering upon yourself and is not actually doing anything towards resolving the object of your anger. Reflecting thus, it is easier to let go of the anger, because you realise that the situation is challenging enough as it is without compounding the suffering by introducing anger into the mix.

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


Dharma Wheel (Mahayana / Vajrayana forum) -- Open flower ~ Open book (blog)
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Re: Life changes

Postby boris » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:00 am

Frank Underwood wrote: It just annoys me when it happens. It's so incredibly rude and disrespectful that it's obvious to me that they are perfectly aware of how disruptive they're being, they just seemingly don't care. It keeps me angry for hours and stresses me.

So basically I'm trying to find ways of calming myself down. ... Any suggestions?



NM: If you look at yourself in your moments of pleasure or pain, you will invariably find that it is not the thing in itself that is pleasant or painful, but the situation of which it is a part. Pleasure lies in the relationship between the enjoyer and the enjoyed. And the essence of it is acceptance. Whatever may be the situation, if it is acceptable, it is pleasant. If it is not acceptable, it is painful. What makes it acceptable is not important; the cause may be physical, or psychological, or untraceable; acceptance is the decisive factor. Obversely, suffering is due to non-acceptance.

Q: Pain is not acceptable.

M: Why not? Did you ever try? Do try and you will find in pain a joy which pleasure cannot yield, for the simple reason that acceptance of pain takes you much deeper than pleasure does. The personal self by its very nature is constantly pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain. The ending of this pattern is the ending of the self. The ending of the self with its desires and fears enables you to return to your real nature, the source of all happiness and peace.
The perennial desire for pleasure is the reflection of the timeless harmony within. It is an observable fact that one becomes self- conscious only when caught in the conflict between pleasure and pain, which demands choice and decision. It is this clash between desire and fear that causes anger, which is the great destroyer of sanity in life. When pain is accepted for what it is, a lesson and a warning, and deeply looked into and heeded, the separation between pain and pleasure breaks down, both become experience -- painful when resisted, joyful when accepted.

Q: Do you advise shunning pleasure and pursuing pain?

M: No, nor pursuing pleasure and shunning pain. Accept both as they come, enjoy both while they last, let them go, as they must.

Q: How can I possibly enjoy pain? Physical pain calls for action.

M: Of course. And so does Mental. The bliss is in the awareness of it, in not shrinking, or in any way turning away from it. All happiness comes from awareness. The more we are conscious, the deeper the joy. Acceptance of pain, non-resistance, courage and endurance -- these open deep and perennial sources of real happiness, true bliss.

Q: Why should pain be more effective than pleasure?

M: Pleasure is readily accepted, while all the powers of the self reject pain. As the acceptance of pain is the denial of the self, and the self stands in the way of true happiness, the wholehearted acceptance of pain releases the springs of happiness.

Q: Does the acceptance of suffering act the same way?

M: The fact of pain is easily brought within the focus of awareness. With suffering it is not that simple. To focus suffering is not enough, for mental life, as we know it, is one continuous stream of suffering. To reach the deeper layers of suffering you must go to its roots and uncover their vast underground network, where fear and desire are closely interwoven and the currents of life's energy oppose, obstruct and destroy each other.
http://nisargadatta-vipassana.blogspot. ... asure.html
The man who wants to avoid grotesque collapses should not look for anything to fulfill him in space and time.

Nicolás Gómez Dávila
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Re: Life changes

Postby waterchan » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:14 am

It's easy to quote words of wisdom from scripture or authority, but hard to put wisdom into practice for the untrained mind.

Have you tried doing something more practical, like recording video evidence of their disturbance and showing it to the council? Depending on which country you live in, you may have the legal right to do so, if the recording is done from your private property.
quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)
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Re: Life changes

Postby Cittasanto » Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:40 am

Welcome to DW Frank.
I can relate, having your space invaded like this can be bothersome. However, try to calm your mind and find a grounding that allows you to be happy with things as they are, no matter the external situation.
I see you talked to them once, but have you tried talking to them to reach a long term agreement? maybe ask a mediation group in your area for advice as if you go the legal route things could get more unpleasant. Maybe taking up non-violent communication to help you get accross your needs would be useful also?


Frank Underwood wrote:Hi all,

I've been struggling a lot with having a short temper and getting angry over what I consider to be justifiable circumstances.

A neighbour over the street has frequently been up until 4 A.M playing music, but mostly just talking loudly, shouting and 'wooing' with the windows open.

They are maybe 20 meters away. All other neighbours around them keep their windows closed, even in the summer, which is incredibly annoying because I like to keep my window open year-round, especially in summer.

I've gone over before at around 1 A.M and asked them to at least keep the windows closed, which they did that night, but now it's an issue again.

I contacted the council and they sent me a log to keep track of it over 2 weeks to then submit back to them so they can see if it's enough to justify escalation and notifying the people in question. Well, the log arrived just as winter hit and their windows weren't open, so basically nothing happened.
Now it's getting quite mild again, the windows are open again, so I think I'll re-open the case and request another form.

It just annoys me when it happens. It's so incredibly rude and disrespectful that it's obvious to me that they are perfectly aware of how disruptive they're being, they just seemingly don't care.
It keeps me angry for hours and stresses me.

So basically I'm trying to find ways of calming myself down.

I've tried meditation before but never seemed to 'do it' properly because my mind often wondered. I've tried this both when I'm stressed as well as when I'm fine.

Any suggestions?
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: Life changes

Postby cooran » Tue Feb 25, 2014 1:43 am

Hello Frank,

One thing which helped me years ago when I had a similar problem, was when i realised in becoming angry because of the behaviour of others - I was giving them power over myself. I then began practising Metta meditation towards myself for quite a long time, and eventually including the others. And it worked. The behaviour of others became less and less irritating, and I was able to move onto the other Brahmaviharas.

With metta,
Chris
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
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Re: Life changes

Postby Frank Underwood » Tue Feb 25, 2014 4:10 am

Thanks for the replies everyone, certainly some food for thought.

I'll keep you all posted on how I get along over the next few weeks.
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