being nicer on here
Posted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 4:01 am
i know this is stupid, and i wouldn't be posting this but:
theravada is getting more and more popular, this is one of (the only?) and possibly the most popular theravada forum on the web. so this forum is going to be part of the process of people for forming some opinions on theravada and it's practitioners as a whole, even if this is not fair or valid, it's how a lot of people work. they discover something "ooh, theravada" and maybe find a forum, if they have a great experience then they think theravada is good and dig deeper, if they like it and learn about it a lot, then they truly know about it and the rest is beyond us. however if they have a bad experience early on before really learning about the tradition much then they will lump everything together and decide that theravada and people that practice it are not something they like. again, this is illogical but many people work like this!
anyway, i've had no problems with people on here, but i've seen many arguments and debates where people are clearly getting worked up. i've also seen a lot of people join who seem to get ripped up by old heads when they have a differing opinion or are simply incorrect on a topic or statement, then they seem to disappear shortly thereafter. now the old heads probably don't even realize this is a problem, heck i may even be part of this problem from time to time and not know it (i'm not an old head on here, but i'm used to friendly debate and fact checking)! we get caught up in factual debates, proving each other wrong and so on, which is great and usually fun if you're used to it, but for someone just looking for some light reading or even friendly chatting it can be hurtful and crushing, especially when they are new to the forum.
the overall feel is that there are a lot of users on here who are blunt and poignant in speech and seem to either not know that this offends many, or too simply think that everyone should just be more like them and the others they talk with who are not offended by this kind of attitude. this is because there is a large amount of users who are like this and they all have a grand old time talking to each other like this, again, i'm probably one of them sometimes, so this applies too me just as much as anyone else.
so basically if you've been on here for a long time and know a ton about buddhism, handle newbies with kid gloves when setting them straight on the facts. lots of please and thank you, very little sarcasm (tough to be certain!) and plenty of condolences if they seem hurt by the smack down of knowledge. the knowledge must be shared, that's why we're here, but it could be done with a little more kindness and gentleness.
that's it, below are some fictional examples for fun (the "links" are just pretend to make the examples look more realistic ):
newbie: "i here buddha say: 'i am god!' this tru. what do u say?"
old head # 1: "the buddha never said any such thing. the very idea is preposterous, check your facts, here are five sutta examples where he says otherwise."
old head # 2: jumps in right after (this is probably me) "these kinds of ideas come from other religions and don't fit in with buddhism at all. check http://www.buddhistwebsite/pageaboutbuddhanotbeingagod for more."
old head # 3 is next: "source? sutta quote? page number? author? be careful about believing everything you here!"
newbie:
if this thread was started by an old head they should darn well expect these responses! but for a newbie it comes off as arrogant and cold hearted.
it could go more like this:
newbie: "i here buddha say: 'i am god!' this tru. what do u say?"
old head # 1: "i've heard things like this before as well, however to my knowledge the buddha never said any such thing. here are five sutta examples where he says otherwise. although it could have come from a little known mahayana sutra or some really late mahayana/vajrayana non canonical text written by an individual or something, but it's not likely a theravada idea. cheers!"
old head # 2 jumps in right after: (this probably is what i should have said) "these kinds of ideas usually come from other religions, originally they were certainly not in buddhism as far as we know from the texts we have today. however they may fit with buddhism for certain people where buddhism developed differently and created different offshoots such as nicheren buddhism or pure land. check http://www.buddhistwebsite/buddhaisnotagod for more on the theravada view of this, and http://www.purelandwebsite/buddhaisreallysimilartoagod for more on a school that does teach things like this."
old head # 3 is next: "interesting. i've never heard such a thing, i would guess it's just a random thing. do you know what book this quote comes from?"
obviously this does not apply to abrasive and argumentative newbs, that's a whole different story.
overall, we just need to be more kind when it comes to setting people straight.
theravada is getting more and more popular, this is one of (the only?) and possibly the most popular theravada forum on the web. so this forum is going to be part of the process of people for forming some opinions on theravada and it's practitioners as a whole, even if this is not fair or valid, it's how a lot of people work. they discover something "ooh, theravada" and maybe find a forum, if they have a great experience then they think theravada is good and dig deeper, if they like it and learn about it a lot, then they truly know about it and the rest is beyond us. however if they have a bad experience early on before really learning about the tradition much then they will lump everything together and decide that theravada and people that practice it are not something they like. again, this is illogical but many people work like this!
anyway, i've had no problems with people on here, but i've seen many arguments and debates where people are clearly getting worked up. i've also seen a lot of people join who seem to get ripped up by old heads when they have a differing opinion or are simply incorrect on a topic or statement, then they seem to disappear shortly thereafter. now the old heads probably don't even realize this is a problem, heck i may even be part of this problem from time to time and not know it (i'm not an old head on here, but i'm used to friendly debate and fact checking)! we get caught up in factual debates, proving each other wrong and so on, which is great and usually fun if you're used to it, but for someone just looking for some light reading or even friendly chatting it can be hurtful and crushing, especially when they are new to the forum.
the overall feel is that there are a lot of users on here who are blunt and poignant in speech and seem to either not know that this offends many, or too simply think that everyone should just be more like them and the others they talk with who are not offended by this kind of attitude. this is because there is a large amount of users who are like this and they all have a grand old time talking to each other like this, again, i'm probably one of them sometimes, so this applies too me just as much as anyone else.
so basically if you've been on here for a long time and know a ton about buddhism, handle newbies with kid gloves when setting them straight on the facts. lots of please and thank you, very little sarcasm (tough to be certain!) and plenty of condolences if they seem hurt by the smack down of knowledge. the knowledge must be shared, that's why we're here, but it could be done with a little more kindness and gentleness.
that's it, below are some fictional examples for fun (the "links" are just pretend to make the examples look more realistic ):
newbie: "i here buddha say: 'i am god!' this tru. what do u say?"
old head # 1: "the buddha never said any such thing. the very idea is preposterous, check your facts, here are five sutta examples where he says otherwise."
old head # 2: jumps in right after (this is probably me) "these kinds of ideas come from other religions and don't fit in with buddhism at all. check http://www.buddhistwebsite/pageaboutbuddhanotbeingagod for more."
old head # 3 is next: "source? sutta quote? page number? author? be careful about believing everything you here!"
newbie:
if this thread was started by an old head they should darn well expect these responses! but for a newbie it comes off as arrogant and cold hearted.
it could go more like this:
newbie: "i here buddha say: 'i am god!' this tru. what do u say?"
old head # 1: "i've heard things like this before as well, however to my knowledge the buddha never said any such thing. here are five sutta examples where he says otherwise. although it could have come from a little known mahayana sutra or some really late mahayana/vajrayana non canonical text written by an individual or something, but it's not likely a theravada idea. cheers!"
old head # 2 jumps in right after: (this probably is what i should have said) "these kinds of ideas usually come from other religions, originally they were certainly not in buddhism as far as we know from the texts we have today. however they may fit with buddhism for certain people where buddhism developed differently and created different offshoots such as nicheren buddhism or pure land. check http://www.buddhistwebsite/buddhaisnotagod for more on the theravada view of this, and http://www.purelandwebsite/buddhaisreallysimilartoagod for more on a school that does teach things like this."
old head # 3 is next: "interesting. i've never heard such a thing, i would guess it's just a random thing. do you know what book this quote comes from?"
obviously this does not apply to abrasive and argumentative newbs, that's a whole different story.
overall, we just need to be more kind when it comes to setting people straight.