Those good old light bulbs again ...

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
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Kare
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Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby Kare » Tue Mar 24, 2009 12:53 pm

How many meditation teachers does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty. One to actually do the work, and forty-nine to offer reflections on it.



How many joss-stick Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

Why bother? Kwan Yin will do it for us.



How many monks does it take to change a light bulb?

They can’t. There’s no light bulbs in the Vinaya.



How many vipassana meditators does it take to change a light bulb?

No need. Just mindfully note: ‘darkness, darkness, darkness’.



How many tantric adepts does it take to change a light bulb?

Two; but they have to do it in full lotus posture.



How many Nagarjunas does it take to change a light bulb?

Since there’s no Nagarjuna and no light bulb, how can there be any change?



How many Buddhist scholars does it take to change a light bulb?

An internationally respected committee of academics, after deliberating all night, conclusively failed to agree on the meaning of the word ‘light bulb’. Meanwhile, the sun came up.



How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?

The peach blossoms fall softly on the warty old frog.


How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two - but how did they get in there?



How many Ajahn Brahms does it take to change a light bulb?

The light bulb just has to get into jhana, then it’ll glow by itself.



How many Abhidhamma scholars does it take to change a light bulb?

There are 20W light bulbs, 40W light bulbs, 80W light bulbs, 100W… 200W…

There are 6V light bulbs, 12V light bulbs, 120V light bulbs, 240V light bulbs

There are incandescent bulbs, fluorescent bulbs

There are clear light bulbs, pearled light bulbs, colored light bulbs

There are screw-in light bulbs, bayonet light bulbs

There are 20W light bulbs that are 6V, there are 20W light bulbs that are 12V… 120V… 240V…

There are 40W light bulbs that are 6V… 240V…

80W… 100W… 200W…

There are 20W light bulbs that are 6V incandescent…

There are 200W light bulbs that are 240V, florescent, colored, and bayonet.



How many arahants does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
Mettāya,
Kåre

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Re: Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby Fede » Tue Mar 24, 2009 2:02 pm

An Arahant doesn't need to change the lightbulb.

S/He IS the lightbulb.
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby puthujjana » Tue Mar 24, 2009 2:10 pm

:rofl:

:clap:
"Once you understand anatta, then the burden of life is gone. You’ll be at peace with the world. When we see beyond self, we no longer cling to happiness and we can truly be happy."
- Ajahn Chah

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Re: Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby Cittasanto » Tue Mar 24, 2009 4:21 pm

Kare wrote:How many tantric adepts does it take to change a light bulb?

Two; but they have to do it in full lotus posture.


now you for got to mention while balancing on their head levitating in the astral plane of no light (bulb)

:coffee:

:juggling:

:rofl:

I just got it

:woohoo:
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Re: Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby retrofuturist » Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:01 pm

That was very clever - Thanks Kare.

:jumping:

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


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One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


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Re: Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby David N. Snyder » Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:20 pm

:jumping: That is great. I added that to the article Ven. Dhammika started and I added to at:
http://dhammawiki.com/index.php?title=Humor

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Re: Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby Kare » Tue Mar 24, 2009 10:57 pm

TheDhamma wrote::jumping: That is great. I added that to the article Ven. Dhammika started and I added to at:
http://dhammawiki.com/index.php?title=Humor


In that article you should also add the text from Patisambhidamagga, Paññavagga 6, which gives instructions for how laughter and joy can lead straigth to nibbana:

Hāsapaññatāya saṃvattantīti katamā hāsapaññā? Idhekacco hāsabahulo vedabahulo tuṭṭhibahulo pāmojjabahulo sīlāni paripūretīti – hāsapaññā. Hāsabahulo vedabahulo tuṭṭhibahulo pāmojjabahulo indriyasaṃvaraṃ paripūretīti – hāsapaññā. Hāsabahulo vedabahulo tuṭṭhibahulo pāmojjabahulo bhojane mattaññutaṃ paripūretīti – hāsapaññā. Hāsabahulo vedabahulo tuṭṭhibahulo pāmojjabahulo jāgariyānuyogaṃ paripūretīti – hāsapaññā. Hāsabahulo vedabahulo tuṭṭhibahulo pāmojjabahulo sīlakkhandhaṃ…pe… samādhikkhandhaṃ… paññākkhandhaṃ… vimuttikkhandhaṃ… vimuttiñāṇadassanakkhandhaṃ paripūretīti…pe… ṭhānāṭṭhānāni paṭivijjhatīti… vihārasamāpattiyo paripūretīti … ariyasaccāni paṭivijjhatīti… satipaṭṭhāne bhāvetīti… sammappadhāne bhāvetīti… iddhipāde bhāvetīti… indriyāni bhāvetīti… balāni bhāvetīti… bojjhaṅge bhāvetīti … ariyamaggaṃ bhāvetīti…pe… sāmaññaphalāni sacchikarotīti – hāsapaññā. Hāsabahulo vedabahulo tuṭṭhibahulo pāmojjabahulo abhiññāyo paṭivijjhatīti – hāsapaññā. Hāsabahulo vedabahulo tuṭṭhibahulo pāmojjabahulo paramatthaṃ nibbānaṃ sacchikarotīti – hāsapaññā. Hāsapaññatāya saṃvattantīti – ayaṃ hāsapaññā.

There will probably be an English translation of it somewhere.

In brief, it shows how laughter and joy gives good ethics and leads all the way through samadhi, satipatthana etc. to paramattham nibbanam, to the highes meaning, nibbana.

This is really a unique text which deserves to be better known. Other religions may have the usual bundle of ethics, meditation and so on - but who has ever heard of a religion where you can laugh your way straight into the final bliss and salvation ... except for Buddhism? :rofl:

Meditation teachers, Abhidhamma teachers etc. may be OK ... but every temple ought to have an eminent comedian among its teachers! That would make hāsapaññā into a real force! :rofl:
Mettāya,
Kåre

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Re: Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby David N. Snyder » Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:30 pm

Kare wrote:There will probably be an English translation of it somewhere.

In brief, it shows how laughter and joy gives good ethics and leads all the way through samadhi, satipatthana etc. to paramattham nibbanam, to the highes meaning, nibbana.

Thanks. Yes there is an English translation, by the Pali Text Society (PTS). I have a copy of that translation, but it is not with me right now.

You can read all of that Pali and understand it? :thumbsup:

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Re: Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby Kare » Wed Mar 25, 2009 3:25 pm

TheDhamma wrote:
Kare wrote:There will probably be an English translation of it somewhere.

In brief, it shows how laughter and joy gives good ethics and leads all the way through samadhi, satipatthana etc. to paramattham nibbanam, to the highes meaning, nibbana.

Thanks. Yes there is an English translation, by the Pali Text Society (PTS). I have a copy of that translation, but it is not with me right now.

You can read all of that Pali and understand it? :thumbsup:


With a little help from my friends ... the dictionaries. :reading:
Mettāya,
Kåre

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Re: Those good old light bulbs again ...

Postby clw_uk » Wed Mar 25, 2009 5:24 pm

ROFL :rofl:


That was really good


My favourite ones were

How many Nagarjunas does it take to change a light bulb?

Since there’s no Nagarjuna and no light bulb, how can there be any change?



How many Buddhist scholars does it take to change a light bulb?

An internationally respected committee of academics, after deliberating all night, conclusively failed to agree on the meaning of the word ‘light bulb’. Meanwhile, the sun came up.



How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?

The peach blossoms fall softly on the warty old frog.
“The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent, everything becomes clear and undisguised." Verses on the Faith Mind, Sengcan


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