There needs to be some kind of non-denominational hot-cross bun... just the bun without the cross.
It sounds simple, doesn't it?
Perhaps it's some kind of conspiracy, a bit like how you can't buy the jam from inside jam donuts by itself, and like how when you go to the supermarket looking for chicken salt, all you can find is "fries sprinkle" and it doesn't taste one bit like chicken salt.... or how in Australia we don't get those nice artificial cherry or cinnamon flavours you can get in the U.S.
Maybe I'm just ahead of the times... I conceived of diet alcopops, and guarana/taurine addled alcopops before they were ever actually invented.
Through corruption of the Dhamma comes corruption of the discipline, and from corruption of the discipline comes corruption of the Dhamma. This is the first future danger as yet unarisen that will arise in the future. You should recognize it and make an effort to prevent it. (AN 5.79)
Neither traceable in the Discourses nor verifiable by the Discipline, one must conclude thus: 'Certainly, this is not the Blessed One's utterance; this has been misunderstood by that bhikkhu — or by that community, or by those elders, or by that elder.' In that way, bhikkhus, you should reject it. (DN 16)