Attention Seeking and Bullying

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.

Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Aloka » Fri May 24, 2013 3:10 pm

I was looking at articles on an internet site( bullyonline.org) about attention seeking and bullying in the workplace

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/attent.htm

...and I wondered , do some of us unknowingly (or knowingly) hide behind our avatars and involve ourselves in these behaviours in online groups ?

Any thoughts?

:)
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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby binocular » Fri May 24, 2013 4:17 pm

I guess it comes down to how much goodwill, compassion and sympathetic joy one is willing and able to put into one's perceptions.

From the perspective of greed and anger, pretty much everyone is a bully and an attention-seeker.
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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Sam Vara » Fri May 24, 2013 9:22 pm

Aloka wrote:I was looking at articles on an internet site( bullyonline.org) about attention seeking and bullying in the workplace

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/attent.htm

...and I wondered , do some of us unknowingly (or knowingly) hide behind our avatars and involve ourselves in these behaviours in online groups ?

Any thoughts?

:)


I get a mild thrill from belittling or being dismissive of others here, or showing off my own attainments or knowledge. Of course, I tell myself that I am really preventing misrepresentation of the Dhamma, or I am "admonishing" people, and it's all done with a veneer of good will. And when people criticise me, then it just speaks volumes about their own lack of metta, doesn't it?

I think I'm the only one, though...
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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby retrofuturist » Fri May 24, 2013 10:34 pm

Greetings,

Aloka wrote: ...and I wondered , do some of us unknowingly (or knowingly) hide behind our avatars and involve ourselves in these behaviours in online groups ?

I don't. You've got to be able to live with yourself, and your self-esteem is actually the way you assess yourself, as if you're another person looking in, assessing your actions and qualities. If I'm being a jerkface, that won't sit well with me or others, and I don't want that.

In other words, you might be anonymous to others, but you can never be anonymous to yourself.

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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Kim OHara » Fri May 24, 2013 11:04 pm

retrofuturist wrote:In other words, you might be anonymous to others, but you can never be anonymous to yourself.

Absolutely true.
A related thought is that if you behave as well online, where you are anonymous, as you do in real life, where you aren't, then you're probably behaving online as well as you can.
If not, not. :thinking:

:namaste:
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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Lazy_eye » Fri May 24, 2013 11:33 pm

I don't knowingly go after attention or seek to bully others, no. But we can't always be sure of the motives behind our behavior. Everyone has some degree of neurosis, it's often said. :)

I do enjoy a debate, and if a certain thread seems meant for that purpose, then I don't have any qualms about going at it with whatever chess pieces I have available. But if I sense that the discussion is generating bad feelings or leading to someone feeling cowed or dejected, then it's time to back off.
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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Ben » Sat May 25, 2013 2:16 am

Thanks Aloka,
I always think its useful to engage in some critical reflexive self-analysis - whether its in regards to our Dhamma practice or whether it is in relation to something a bit more mundane such as online interaction. It is all too easy to adopt an alternative online persona or modify our behaviour (even unknowingly) to say and do things we would not do in "the real world".

With online behaviour here at Dhamma Wheel, I believe we have a pretty good balance. In partnership with our membership we have developed a relaxed and respectful environment in which to discuss the Dhamma, our lives and various interests. Excesses of behaviour which breach the TOS are subject to moderator attention.
kind regards,

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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Aloka » Sat May 25, 2013 6:11 am

Ben wrote:Thanks Aloka,
I always think its useful to engage in some critical reflexive self-analysis - whether its in regards to our Dhamma practice or whether it is in relation to something a bit more mundane such as online interaction. It is all too easy to adopt an alternative online persona or modify our behaviour (even unknowingly) to say and do things we would not do in "the real world".

With online behaviour here at Dhamma Wheel, I believe we have a pretty good balance. In partnership with our membership we have developed a relaxed and respectful environment in which to discuss the Dhamma, our lives and various interests. Excesses of behaviour which breach the TOS are subject to moderator attention.
kind regards,



Hi Ben,

I wasn't suggesting there was anything amiss here at DW, I was refering to the internet in general and to my own online interactions.

I think its possible to assume a lot about others which might be completely inaccurate, when one only has the written word . Indeed some people can have serious mental health difficulties and other problems in their lives which we may never get to know about, if we're not discussing personal issues with them. Sometimes these private issues can spill over and affect their internet communications

In some ways therefore, it can be less straightforward than dealing with the workplace bullying and attention seeking that I was reading about originally, so I guess its always best to be cautious, as well as polite.

With kind wishes,

Aloka :)
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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Ben » Sat May 25, 2013 6:47 am

Hi Aloka,
No worries re: culture here at DW.
It was an opportunity to allay any concerns regarding behaviour here anyone may have.

The problem seems to be a fairly universal one at discussion boards, from my limited experience.
I have seen some pretty nasty behaviour on a health, fitness and weight-loss forum where I am a member and a horse riding forum that my wife participates in.
I haven't witnessed any of the nasty trolling that happens on facebook and the tribute pages on facebook, though I have seen a recent british documentary about a radio personality who tracked down one of his online stalkers/anonymous bloggers. I can't remember what it is called but it was an excellent exploration of the issue.
kind regards

Ben
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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Crazy cloud » Sat May 25, 2013 6:55 am

Irl, we communicate 25% verbally, and 75% non-verbally - and I have difficulties remembering the last time i'v met personas irl who where impossible to find common ground with. And to indulge in arguments and discussions around personal belifes are just adding suffering to oneself, and makes the real job a bit more difficult. So the solution is for me not to engage at all, and let things pass in their own ways.

Hefty discussions is like being carpetbombed in ego, and I dont stand that type of warfare whitout feeling strong urges to re-pick up my own guns and go for the old: eye for an eye

anyway how thinly you slice the truthsausage, you still end up with the fact that your slice has two sides ... witch one belonges to you?

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Have a nice day :)

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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby plwk » Sat May 25, 2013 8:29 am

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What is it? It is recollecting the Enlightened One.
If this single thing is recollected and made much,
it invariably leads to weariness, cessation, appeasement, realization and extinction.

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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Mr Man » Sat May 25, 2013 9:47 am

I think there is a difference between having a slightly different/odd/spiky/culturally/socially/conditioned background and having something like Munchausen Syndrome, for example. I think that we need to be weary of pigeonholing. :)
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Re: Attention Seeking and Bullying

Postby Thanavuddho » Wed May 29, 2013 7:52 am

Greetings,

Ben wrote:With online behaviour here at Dhamma Wheel, I believe we have a pretty good balance. In partnership with our membership we have developed a relaxed and respectful environment in which to discuss the Dhamma, our lives and various interests. Excesses of behaviour which breach the TOS are subject to moderator attention.
kind regards,

Ben


I think there are many good things here in DW, but you do have room for improvement. I encountered a situation where my thread was moved out of sight and edited. I considered it unnecessary and was not happy how the situation was handled. The abbess of the monastery I was staying received a phone call regarding the thread. I have read other members complaining about various things and one member contacted me who had been banned from here.

Anyway, all that aside, it is a good board. :namaste:

Metta,
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