Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

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Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby sattva » Sat Jul 26, 2014 12:07 am

Forums, blogs, and Facebook, I don't understand all of the rules and etiquette involved with each. I became a member of my first forum before Facebook existed and then I started following a blog or two, mostly by e-sangha members. Now, I am on Facebook and I realize that perhaps there are unwritten rules I don't comprehend. I have had 2 people delete my posts since mid-June. One, the person took what I said the wrong way and in the other, which just happened awhile ago, I did not say anything that might be misconstrued. The only thing I could figure is that it was too long of a comment. My niece said something about missing my mom every day and I said that I did too and talked about snapping beans, picking and freezing strawberries, and gathering and picking out black walnuts with my mom. Does that sound like something to delete? I just don't understand it.

One of the nice things about blogs is that people talk about anything on their minds, what they thinking, doing, and it can kind of meander like a river. What I am seeing with my family on Facebook is that they are doing sound bites and they want others to respond that way, also. It is all very superficial. After a short cry, I closed down my account, but then I remembered I had posted some poetry on it. I have lost poetry before when e-sangha became defunct, and I didn't want to do so again. So, I opened it back up but decided to "unfollow" that niece.

How is it for all of you? Am I the only one having problems with social media? Even on this forum, I have deleted and when unable to do so, edited a post to something new when I felt it wasn't being well-received. Maybe I am too sensitive and shouldn't take other people's reactions so to heart.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby waterchan » Sat Jul 26, 2014 12:17 am

sattva wrote:Now, I am on Facebook and I realize that perhaps there are unwritten rules I don't comprehend. I have had 2 people delete my posts since mid-June. One, the person took what I said the wrong way and in the other, which just happened awhile ago, I did not say anything that might be misconstrued. The only thing I could figure is that it was too long of a comment. My niece said something about missing my mom every day and I said that I did too and talked about snapping beans, picking and freezing strawberries, and gathering and picking out black walnuts with my mom. Does that sound like something to delete? I just don't understand it.


Where exactly did you post, and who do you think deleted your posts? In all likelihood, it was not the Facebook staff. They do not delete a post unless it is something clearly against their terms of service, such as pornography or blatant racism. If you're posting anywhere else except your own wall, that place belongs to someone else, and the owner can delete your post at their whim, for any reason or no reason at all.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby alan » Sat Jul 26, 2014 12:20 am

If I say I like kittens, some who love puppies will delete me.
If I put up a pretty picture, some will say I'm just gloating. People will see what they are predisposed to see, based on inbuilt emotional reactions. Nothing you can do about it.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby waterchan » Sat Jul 26, 2014 12:25 am

alan wrote:If I say I like kittens, some who love puppies will delete me.

Like I said, only if you post "I like kittens" on a place other than your own wall. If you post it on a kitten hater's wall, they can delete it. If you post it in a group, the administrators of that group can delete it. There is very little global moderation on Facebook compared to forums like this one.

It is very rare to hear of someone's post getting deleted on Facebook because most people post on their own wall, which is controlled by them, or a friend's wall. I've been on it since 2008 and I can't remember the last time I heard that.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby alan » Sat Jul 26, 2014 12:30 am

I've often stated my love of furry, cute animals, and that Hitler was a Big Meanie. Next thing you know, people have unfriended. This is just the nature of the game. With Facebook you are casting a very wide net. Some of what you catch needs to be thrown back into the sea.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby waterchan » Sat Jul 26, 2014 12:37 am

alan wrote:I've often stated my love of furry, cute animals, and that Hitler was a Big Meanie. Next thing you know, people have unfriended. This is just the nature of the game.

:thinking: That's unusual. Since 2008 I have written things that are considerably meaner. I have been unfriended perhaps once, definitely no more than twice. But then I usually only send/accept friend requests from real-life friends, and I add other people to a Restricted list so that they see virtually none of my posts or personal information.

People should use the friend lists feature on Facebook. It is a risky thing and bad practice to add a stranger or unfamiliar acquaintance on Facebook without adding them to a separate list that restricts their access to your information.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby alan » Sat Jul 26, 2014 12:43 am

.
Last edited by alan on Sat Jul 26, 2014 11:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby sattva » Sat Jul 26, 2014 1:27 am

waterchan wrote:
sattva wrote:Now, I am on Facebook and I realize that perhaps there are unwritten rules I don't comprehend. I have had 2 people delete my posts since mid-June. One, the person took what I said the wrong way and in the other, which just happened awhile ago, I did not say anything that might be misconstrued. The only thing I could figure is that it was too long of a comment. My niece said something about missing my mom every day and I said that I did too and talked about snapping beans, picking and freezing strawberries, and gathering and picking out black walnuts with my mom. Does that sound like something to delete? I just don't understand it.


Where exactly did you post, and who do you think deleted your posts? In all likelihood, it was not the Facebook staff. They do not delete a post unless it is something clearly against their terms of service, such as pornography or blatant racism. If you're posting anywhere else except your own wall, that place belongs to someone else, and the owner can delete your post at their whim, for any reason or no reason at all.


Please read the above that is in bold italics. My niece posted picture and a comment about missing her grandmother (my mom) and it came in on newsfeed. I commented. My niece deleted it. I really can't understand why. The only thing I can figure is that if I had said that I missed her too and left it at that it would have been okay, but since I added more she deleted it. It didn't fit the short sound bite of wanting sympathy or praise or something. I guess I see it as one more example of not being able to really discuss in detail anything anymore. I find it increasingly true that people are getting worse and worse at conversing in any meaningful fashion.

I wish I could say it is only happening on Facebook, but it seems to be everywhere, though I don't think it is as bad here. I have seen many long-winded posts, including my own. :) But actually, I don't think the comment on facebook was that long, just not a "Me too!" or something short like that.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby sattva » Sat Jul 26, 2014 1:29 am

alan wrote:I've often stated my love of furry, cute animals, and that Hitler was a Big Meanie. Next thing you know, people have unfriended. This is just the nature of the game. With Facebook you are casting a very wide net. Some of what you catch needs to be thrown back into the sea.


It is pretty sad when it is your family though!
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby Mkoll » Sat Jul 26, 2014 2:08 am

Did you talk to the people who deleted your posts and ask them why they did so?
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby Kim OHara » Sat Jul 26, 2014 2:58 am

sattva wrote:
waterchan wrote:
sattva wrote:Now, I am on Facebook and I realize that perhaps there are unwritten rules I don't comprehend. I have had 2 people delete my posts since mid-June. One, the person took what I said the wrong way and in the other, which just happened awhile ago, I did not say anything that might be misconstrued. The only thing I could figure is that it was too long of a comment. My niece said something about missing my mom every day and I said that I did too and talked about snapping beans, picking and freezing strawberries, and gathering and picking out black walnuts with my mom. Does that sound like something to delete? I just don't understand it.


Where exactly did you post, and who do you think deleted your posts? In all likelihood, it was not the Facebook staff. They do not delete a post unless it is something clearly against their terms of service, such as pornography or blatant racism. If you're posting anywhere else except your own wall, that place belongs to someone else, and the owner can delete your post at their whim, for any reason or no reason at all.


Please read the above that is in bold italics. My niece posted picture and a comment about missing her grandmother (my mom) and it came in on newsfeed. I commented. My niece deleted it. I really can't understand why. The only thing I can figure is that if I had said that I missed her too and left it at that it would have been okay, but since I added more she deleted it. It didn't fit the short sound bite of wanting sympathy or praise or something. I guess I see it as one more example of not being able to really discuss in detail anything anymore. I find it increasingly true that people are getting worse and worse at conversing in any meaningful fashion.

I wish I could say it is only happening on Facebook, but it seems to be everywhere, though I don't think it is as bad here. I have seen many long-winded posts, including my own. :) But actually, I don't think the comment on facebook was that long, just not a "Me too!" or something short like that.

Hi, Sattva,
I am fairly new to FB, too, and only gradually working out "the rules" which of course are unwritten (but if anyone can point me to a written version I would be grateful).
I do know the rules are different from the rules on forums. As you say, shorter posts are much more normal, especially in reply (comment) to other people's posts.
They also vary from one age-group to the next, and that may be part of your problem with your niece. At some ages, kids don't want to acknowledge the mere existence of the older generations of their families, in real life or on FB (which is nearly real life for some of them anyway).
And people use FB for very different reasons - gossip (that's not me), political activism (that's me), professional connections (that's Alan, I think), etc, and out-of-context posts are not welcomed. Posting new stuff on others people's pages seems to be particularly risky in this regard.

:coffee: :popcorn: and occasionally :computerproblem: - that's FB :smile:

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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby David N. Snyder » Sat Jul 26, 2014 4:34 am

For anyone looking for a job or career change, be careful what you post or allow posted on your facebook page. Employers look at those (I know I do too). I heard some young people are very careful about what they post and some are choosing not to have an account altogether since employers check the pages of prospective applicants.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby Kim OHara » Sat Jul 26, 2014 5:44 am

David N. Snyder wrote:For anyone looking for a job or career change, be careful what you post or allow posted on your facebook page. Employers look at those (I know I do too). I heard some young people are very careful about what they post and some are choosing not to have an account altogether since employers check the pages of prospective applicants.

Yes, I'm aware of that, too. It doesn't affect me much since I'm not looking for a job (I hope!).
On the other hand, as a teacher I have to be careful to keep my work life quite separate from my personal (and political) life. My strategy is not to have any people I know through work as FB 'friends', ever. It has worked so far.
(This isn't a worry for me but is worth thinking about: there have been more than a few instances of teachers and students blurring that professional/social boundary, some with bad consequences for the teacher.)

:thinking:
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby waterchan » Sat Jul 26, 2014 10:13 am

David N. Snyder wrote:For anyone looking for a job or career change, be careful what you post or allow posted on your facebook page. Employers look at those (I know I do too). I heard some young people are very careful about what they post and some are choosing not to have an account altogether since employers check the pages of prospective applicants.


Alternatively one could just set one's profile to "Friends Only" and set only certain information to public, such as your name and maybe a profile picture. To anyone that is not your friend, the rest of your profile will be invisible.

I do that and I haven't had any problem getting interviews or a job. Of course I do put a link to my LinkedIn account in my resume since employers deserve to know my professional profile. But what I post on my personal Facebook for friends and family to see is none of their business. If they are curious about my character and integrity, that's what background checks are for.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby waterchan » Sat Jul 26, 2014 10:34 am

Kim OHara wrote:On the other hand, as a teacher I have to be careful to keep my work life quite separate from my personal (and political) life. My strategy is not to have any people I know through work as FB 'friends', ever. It has worked so far.

That is a good rule of thumb, but it's possible that friendships develop at work and colleagues start sending you friend requests on Facebook. It might become difficult to refuse . In that case, one can still accept the friend request and then immediately add the person to a restricted list like I've said above, which prevents them from seeing anything you have not posted as public.

One should think carefully before posting something as public. If you post things as public then anyone on the Internet can view them, whether you add them on Facebook or not.

Some companies simply don't care about your online presence. My wife works at a megacorp and she's Facebook friends with literally hundreds of her colleagues including the head of HR and several senior directors including the one she reports to. In the five years she's worked there she's never had any trouble due to having colleagues on Facebook. But then again, she's a very conscientious person.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby sattva » Sat Jul 26, 2014 6:49 pm

Kim OHara wrote:Hi, Sattva,
I am fairly new to FB, too, and only gradually working out "the rules" which of course are unwritten (but if anyone can point me to a written version I would be grateful).
I do know the rules are different from the rules on forums. As you say, shorter posts are much more normal, especially in reply (comment) to other people's posts.
They also vary from one age-group to the next, and that may be part of your problem with your niece. At some ages, kids don't want to acknowledge the mere existence of the older generations of their families, in real life or on FB (which is nearly real life for some of them anyway).
And people use FB for very different reasons - gossip (that's not me), political activism (that's me), professional connections (that's Alan, I think), etc, and out-of-context posts are not welcomed. Posting new stuff on others people's pages seems to be particularly risky in this regard.

:coffee: :popcorn: and occasionally :computerproblem: - that's FB :smile:

:namaste:
Kim


You made some important points. Thank you!
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby sattva » Sat Jul 26, 2014 7:04 pm

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their replies. :namaste:

I also shared this problem with a good friend who is also a "friend" on Facebook. She wrote this, "Just KNOW that you are loved, and that families are the NUMBER ONE experts on upsetting, hurting, insulting, irritating stuff. Our most difficult mirrors, as I'm reminded almost daily myself! "

I am still learning my way around Facebook. I wish there was a way to have multiple groups see your posts. For instance, one for family. One for certain acquaintances. One for close friends. Now, I know you can do that to some degree, but I might want to make a post that close friends and certain acquaintances can see, but not family. I don't think that facebook allows you to do that. Most of my family aren't interested in anything that I find interesting. It's just the way it is.
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Re: Forums, Blogs, and Facebook

Postby waterchan » Sat Jul 26, 2014 7:29 pm

sattva wrote: I wish there was a way to have multiple groups see your posts. For instance, one for family. One for certain acquaintances. One for close friends. Now, I know you can do that to some degree, but I might want to make a post that close friends and certain acquaintances can see, but not family. I don't think that Facebook allows you to do that.

It does allow you to do that.

1. Go to the Facebook home page and login. You should be at the URL www.facebook.com
2. On the left side you should see the word FRIENDS in grey color. Mouse over that, and the word "More" will appear on the right. Click that.
3. On the page that appears, click "+ Create List". Create a new list and add whoever you want to that list.
4. Go back to the Facebook home page by clicking on the F button.
5. Type something in the box when you'd normally type to post something. A drop-down box will appear in which you can choose the lists of people who can see this post.
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