One of my fear - the obstacle in my path

[Dugu]

I would like be frank and speak about a fear of mine. This fear has held me back from progressing at the pace I would like in my Buddhist path. The fear is wasting my life pursuing something that is not there. What if Nirvana or Enlightenment was just a concept, not real, just an object of motivation to lead men to live a holy life. Even though I'm having faith and believe it to be true, there is that lingering doubt that haunts me in the back of my mind. It's saying "You could live a life pursuing great things, experience great pleasure, and leaving behind a great legacy if you don't waste it away pursuing imaginary goal." So that is my fear that I might waste my life away in pursuing a road less travel as compare to the people around me. I have given up indulging in alcohol with friends for meditation, gambling in casinos for study of suttas, pursuing sexual gratifications for detachments, pursuit of wealth for contentment, and fame for peace. I very much want to live a holy life, this human condition is definitely unsatisfactory, and I want something greater than what this life can offer, but the fear that what I seek does not exist is holding me back like walking in heavy mud.

I thought I share that just to get it off my chest so it will have less hold on me.

[retrofuturist]

Greetings Dugu,

Yes, I understand this fear.

My experience has been that if you "give it a go", you find that it enriches your life. And over time, the more you put into it, the more it continues to enrich the quality of your life.

Even if perfection is not attained... and even if perfection, in the form of arahantship and nibbana is not possible at all... you will have a mind that is far happier and healthier than the alternative.

Just my take.

Metta,
Retro.

[Guy]

Hi Dugu,

The following link might be helpful, thanks to Bhikkhu Pesala:- http://homepage.ntlworld.com/pesala/Pandita/html/mara.html#Doubt

With Metta,

Guy

[Ben]

Hi Dugu
You might like to read Apannaka Sutta: the Incontrovertible Teaching.
You'll find that there are some insights relevent to your predicament, as per the advice that Retro has given you.
metta

Ben

[vinasp]

Hi dugu,

How can it not be real ? It is just the elimination of mental constructions. You have made them, why can you not unmake them?

Best wishes, Vincent.

[AdvaitaJ]

Dugu,

I spent the better part of 50 years in the mindless pursuit of pleasure and, at the culmination of my biggest achievement...it not only didn't make me happy, I was in fact significantly depressed. Also, there is nothing that says you can't achieve great things while diligently maintaining a solid practice. I recently got the best job of my career and part of the reason I got it is due to the benefits of my practice.

I don't think much about Nibbana and what may happen. I practice for the peace and happiness it brings me right now. I really understand your concern, but let me tell you what I would fear if I did not practice. The fear I would have is returning to mindfulness as an old man in a hospital room with just a few hours left...only then realizing I had spent all my years in the mindless pursuit of empty pleasures devoid of real happiness. That is what almost happened.

Regards: AdvaitaJ

[pink_trike]

I've heard more than a couple teachers advise "forget about enlightenment"...just practice. There's a tendency among Westerners to unconsciously view the entire world through the window of the economic system that they were steeped in...a market mentality "bottom line" approach to the Dharma path..."show me the goods before I decide to pay or not". That's like asking to taste vegetables before we prepare the soil, soak the seeds, plant them, pluck weeds, provide water, and harvest. It can't be done. It all depends on conditions.

I know of one practitioner years ago who constantly bugged his teacher with this same concern...teacher would just smile and say "Relax, practice".

[Dugu]

Thanks guys for the words of encouragement and wisdom. I am trying my best to untie the knot that binds me to this boulder of doubt. The good thing is as I progress with my path, I do find my mind is happier as retro alluded to and more free and at peace. I also see reality as it is and the truth of Buddha's teaching becomes more apparent. The increasing insights gives me more strength to carry on the journey. Hopefully one day I'll be unbound.

[retrofuturist]

[Individual]

I would like be frank and speak about a fear of mine. This fear has held me back from progressing at the pace I would like in my Buddhist path. The fear is wasting my life pursuing something that is not there. What if Nirvana or Enlightenment was just a concept, not real, just an object of motivation to lead men to live a holy life. Even though I'm having faith and believe it to be true, there is that lingering doubt that haunts me in the back of my mind. It's saying "You could live a life pursuing great things, experience great pleasure, and leaving behind a great legacy if you don't waste it away pursuing imaginary goal." So that is my fear that I might waste my life away in pursuing a road less travel as compare to the people around me. I have given up indulging in alcohol with friends for meditation, gambling in casinos for study of suttas, pursuing sexual gratifications for detachments, pursuit of wealth for contentment, and fame for peace. I very much want to live a holy life, this human condition is definitely unsatisfactory, and I want something greater than what this life can offer, but the fear that what I seek does not exist is holding me back like walking in heavy mud.

I thought I share that just to get it off my chest so it will have less hold on me.

You bring up a pretty valid point. So, why worry about such concepts, if they can't be readily proven or demonstrated? You want something greater than life can offer, but you're afraid you can't get it. Isn't that craving? You crave Nirvana or Enlightenment, but are worried it might not be real?

What if there is nothing better to "offer" than the way life is? You have to make the best of the situation and not feel anxious or upset about the impossible and the unreal.