Can't trust anybody.
Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:27 am
I've been lied to, robbed, and betrayed many times, from so many different people, even close people I thought were my friends.. Even people who had no other friends but me. Growing up as a kid, I had no friends except people that constantly picked on me. So I was loner in high school for a couple of years, until I met some new friends which didn't pick on me so much, but have still been so much trouble. Those of you that know me have heard some of these past stories.
Well, now there's a new situation. A friend of mine basically robbed me of some weed (the expression is he "pinched my bag"). That is, I bought a $20 bag, which is two cigars' worth (or 4-6 joints), which was actually in two separate $10 baggies. I ask him to break up one of them so we can roll it. He takes the bigger of the two bags, but after he opens it, the bag mysteriously gets smaller. I don't notice until the next day, when I open the other bag and notice it's so much bigger. A dealer isn't going to sell wildly inconsistent dime bags, at least not that inconsistent. To make sure my eyes were right, I had a friend of mine -- the same who rolled it (not the one who stole from me) -- look at it, and he agreed the second bag looked bigger, and that the other "friend" probably pinched my bag... that is, he took half my weed out of the plastic bag, kept what was left in the plastic bag itself, and then claimed the bag was just small. I'm nearly 100% certain that this happened, because I've had my suspicions that he's done this before, I've asked him about it, he denied it, and I erred on the side of trust because he's my friend. But this time, the difference is so great, and I have another friend who agrees with my perception.
I'm trying to not be angry about this and I don't even want compensation for the stolen weed (it was only a couple bowl hits' worth, at most $5, probably less, like $2 or $3, a very tiny amount). The issue is that he's borrowed a couple of my videogames and I want them back.
So, tomorrow, I'm going to his doorstep -- it'd be harder for him to lie to me face-to-face than over the phone -- with my mom there too -- she can help keep things cool, to keep things from getting violent... And I'm going to tell him I know what he did, ask for my stuff back, and break our friendship off.
This hurts a lot, because I've known this guy for years, he's never done anything this wrong to me before... This is the same guy who, when my house was broken into, a month later his house was broken into by the same people. I've tried so hard to have a good friendship with him, but he's always so insulting, demanding, and manipulative. We've had a few long talks and arguments recently about this stuff, and now he does this?
The thing is, if he tells me he sold my stuff or he refuses to give it back, I might fight him. My whole life, my problem is that I've been a coward, not a bully or a brute. Standing up like this is a part of good character, and I need to do it for the sake of whatever dignity I could claim to have, or honor. But that's just if he doesn't have my stuff. In all likelihood, he still has my stuff (he has no legitimate ID and doesn't have a car, so he couldn't have pawned my stuff) and will hand it over.
I don't want to fight him, though. Until recently, he's been a nice guy. Also, he has a mild form of cystic fibrosis, which means his lungs aren't very good, so much so that fighting him will (probably) be easy. But who knows -- it's not that bad, and there's also a decent chance he might win. I doubt he'll see the first punch coming, though. He's got a pretty massive ego, downright narcissistic. It's a problem he's developed recently, or maybe it was like a seed already there, which just blossomed. In his mind, he's the greatest person in the world, knows everything (hence he'll dispute everything I say, no matter how trivial -- making it impossible to have a conversation with him nowadays), and in discussions of women, even when it's just the two of us, he'll make up these pretty blatant fibs of past sexual encounters. I'm pretty sure he's a virgin and me and some others suspect he might be one of those gay people afraid to admit their sexuality to themselves (it's a long story -- the short part is: he's had circumstances where attractive women threw themselves at him and he turned them down).
Anyway, I doubt anybody here will understand, because of the type of people you are -- that's not a bad thing. I'm not saying you're bad, but on the contrary, you're too good. Your strict insistence on morality can't let you see how things are. You'd let people exploit you to the fullest and either deny you're unhappy, or claim there's some deep religious reason for it, instead of seeing you aren't happy because you can't stand up for what you believe in.
Since I was young, people have looked at me like a lion looks at the weak antelope in a pack of them. In public schools at least, you have to be willing to take a punch for what's yours and those people that don't give off that vibe. And those are the people that get picked on, bullied, robbed, humiliated. Psychologically, we have a tendency to overexaggerate our misfortune, but I've been certain, through calm times and everything, that it's been because of my fear and hate of violence that I have been so tormented.
While it would be good for the world to give up violence and anger, in my own life the fear of pain, the lack of courage, is equally responsible for allowing such a thing to occur, again and again. But not this time.
Anyway, I recognize that anger also clouds one's judgment and I don't want to be angry -- that's why I'm posting here. I doubt anyone will have much of anything good to say, except perhaps a few certain people, but it is good at least to vent my anger, so that I am calm when I see my friend tomorrow. I was wise enough, too, to have waited several days after I first found out about the theft before confronting my friend. I knew, on the day that I discovered what happened, that I needed a couple days to cool off... And I am more calm now, but the anger is still there, and even tomorrow, it might be re-awakened.
Hopefully, though, that won't happen and things will work out peacefully!
Well, now there's a new situation. A friend of mine basically robbed me of some weed (the expression is he "pinched my bag"). That is, I bought a $20 bag, which is two cigars' worth (or 4-6 joints), which was actually in two separate $10 baggies. I ask him to break up one of them so we can roll it. He takes the bigger of the two bags, but after he opens it, the bag mysteriously gets smaller. I don't notice until the next day, when I open the other bag and notice it's so much bigger. A dealer isn't going to sell wildly inconsistent dime bags, at least not that inconsistent. To make sure my eyes were right, I had a friend of mine -- the same who rolled it (not the one who stole from me) -- look at it, and he agreed the second bag looked bigger, and that the other "friend" probably pinched my bag... that is, he took half my weed out of the plastic bag, kept what was left in the plastic bag itself, and then claimed the bag was just small. I'm nearly 100% certain that this happened, because I've had my suspicions that he's done this before, I've asked him about it, he denied it, and I erred on the side of trust because he's my friend. But this time, the difference is so great, and I have another friend who agrees with my perception.
I'm trying to not be angry about this and I don't even want compensation for the stolen weed (it was only a couple bowl hits' worth, at most $5, probably less, like $2 or $3, a very tiny amount). The issue is that he's borrowed a couple of my videogames and I want them back.
So, tomorrow, I'm going to his doorstep -- it'd be harder for him to lie to me face-to-face than over the phone -- with my mom there too -- she can help keep things cool, to keep things from getting violent... And I'm going to tell him I know what he did, ask for my stuff back, and break our friendship off.
This hurts a lot, because I've known this guy for years, he's never done anything this wrong to me before... This is the same guy who, when my house was broken into, a month later his house was broken into by the same people. I've tried so hard to have a good friendship with him, but he's always so insulting, demanding, and manipulative. We've had a few long talks and arguments recently about this stuff, and now he does this?
The thing is, if he tells me he sold my stuff or he refuses to give it back, I might fight him. My whole life, my problem is that I've been a coward, not a bully or a brute. Standing up like this is a part of good character, and I need to do it for the sake of whatever dignity I could claim to have, or honor. But that's just if he doesn't have my stuff. In all likelihood, he still has my stuff (he has no legitimate ID and doesn't have a car, so he couldn't have pawned my stuff) and will hand it over.
I don't want to fight him, though. Until recently, he's been a nice guy. Also, he has a mild form of cystic fibrosis, which means his lungs aren't very good, so much so that fighting him will (probably) be easy. But who knows -- it's not that bad, and there's also a decent chance he might win. I doubt he'll see the first punch coming, though. He's got a pretty massive ego, downright narcissistic. It's a problem he's developed recently, or maybe it was like a seed already there, which just blossomed. In his mind, he's the greatest person in the world, knows everything (hence he'll dispute everything I say, no matter how trivial -- making it impossible to have a conversation with him nowadays), and in discussions of women, even when it's just the two of us, he'll make up these pretty blatant fibs of past sexual encounters. I'm pretty sure he's a virgin and me and some others suspect he might be one of those gay people afraid to admit their sexuality to themselves (it's a long story -- the short part is: he's had circumstances where attractive women threw themselves at him and he turned them down).
Anyway, I doubt anybody here will understand, because of the type of people you are -- that's not a bad thing. I'm not saying you're bad, but on the contrary, you're too good. Your strict insistence on morality can't let you see how things are. You'd let people exploit you to the fullest and either deny you're unhappy, or claim there's some deep religious reason for it, instead of seeing you aren't happy because you can't stand up for what you believe in.
Since I was young, people have looked at me like a lion looks at the weak antelope in a pack of them. In public schools at least, you have to be willing to take a punch for what's yours and those people that don't give off that vibe. And those are the people that get picked on, bullied, robbed, humiliated. Psychologically, we have a tendency to overexaggerate our misfortune, but I've been certain, through calm times and everything, that it's been because of my fear and hate of violence that I have been so tormented.
While it would be good for the world to give up violence and anger, in my own life the fear of pain, the lack of courage, is equally responsible for allowing such a thing to occur, again and again. But not this time.
Anyway, I recognize that anger also clouds one's judgment and I don't want to be angry -- that's why I'm posting here. I doubt anyone will have much of anything good to say, except perhaps a few certain people, but it is good at least to vent my anger, so that I am calm when I see my friend tomorrow. I was wise enough, too, to have waited several days after I first found out about the theft before confronting my friend. I knew, on the day that I discovered what happened, that I needed a couple days to cool off... And I am more calm now, but the anger is still there, and even tomorrow, it might be re-awakened.
Hopefully, though, that won't happen and things will work out peacefully!