Can't trust anybody.

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Ben » Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:19 am

Individual
Whenever it is that you get holidays from College - try a residential meditation retreat.
I can recommend one that doesn't cost you any money - unless you want to give a donation at the end of it.
It might actually change your perspective and your life.
Ben
"One cannot step twice into the same river, nor can one grasp any mortal substance in a stable condition, but it scatters and again gathers; it forms and dissolves, and approaches and departs."

- Hereclitus


Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global Relief

Buddhist Life Stories of Australia

e: ben.dhammawheel@gmail.com
User avatar
Ben
Site Admin
 
Posts: 15940
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: Land of the sleeping gods

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Individual » Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:23 am

Ben wrote:Individual
Whenever it is that you get holidays from College - try a residential meditation retreat.
I can recommend one that doesn't cost you any money - unless you want to give a donation at the end of it.
It might actually change your perspective and your life.
Ben

I am out of school for now and I would like to go on a Goenka retreat, but they are so far away, both in the time they occur and the location I would have to drive to. Would you know of anything closer?

It would likely change my perspective on things for the better.

I've considered camping out in the woods on my own with some water and sandwiches for a week, during the summer or spring.
The best things in life aren't things.

The Diamond Sutra
Individual
 
Posts: 1970
Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:19 am

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Ben » Sat Oct 24, 2009 3:00 am

I wouldn't recommend going out on your own in the bush.
It'll be much better to be in a structured environment. Not only will you get the benefit of instruction and be supported with accommodation, shelter and meals, but you also get the benefit of mutual support from the other co-retreatants and the assistant teachers and management.

From what I understand, you live in Maryland, right?
Your closest retreat centre (if you want to do a Goenka-style 10-day retreat) is:

Mid-Atlantic Vipassana Association: http://www.midatlantic.us.dhamma.org/
Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts: http://www.dhamma.org/en/schedules/schdhara.shtml
Southeast Vipassana Center, Georgia: http://www.dhamma.org/en/schedules/schpatapa.shtml

My suggestion to you Individual is to book yourself on a course - regardless of where it is - and then do what you need to do to get the money to go - and just go.
I think nothing of travelling to 1,500km to Blackheath (several hours west of Sydney) or to Kaukapakapa, in New Zealand to attend a course/retreat. In fact, the vast majority of my co-retreatants on the long course I did two years ago in NZ were froom Europe, Asia and North America. And I'm not talking about people who have a lot of money. We just believe the experience is incredibly precious and will sacrifice other things in our lives for it.

Ben
"One cannot step twice into the same river, nor can one grasp any mortal substance in a stable condition, but it scatters and again gathers; it forms and dissolves, and approaches and departs."

- Hereclitus


Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global Relief

Buddhist Life Stories of Australia

e: ben.dhammawheel@gmail.com
User avatar
Ben
Site Admin
 
Posts: 15940
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: Land of the sleeping gods

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Individual » Sat Oct 24, 2009 5:59 am

Ben wrote:I wouldn't recommend going out on your own in the bush.
It'll be much better to be in a structured environment. Not only will you get the benefit of instruction and be supported with accommodation, shelter and meals, but you also get the benefit of mutual support from the other co-retreatants and the assistant teachers and management.

From what I understand, you live in Maryland, right?
Your closest retreat centre (if you want to do a Goenka-style 10-day retreat) is:

Mid-Atlantic Vipassana Association: http://www.midatlantic.us.dhamma.org/
Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts: http://www.dhamma.org/en/schedules/schdhara.shtml
Southeast Vipassana Center, Georgia: http://www.dhamma.org/en/schedules/schpatapa.shtml

My suggestion to you Individual is to book yourself on a course - regardless of where it is - and then do what you need to do to get the money to go - and just go.
I think nothing of travelling to 1,500km to Blackheath (several hours west of Sydney) or to Kaukapakapa, in New Zealand to attend a course/retreat. In fact, the vast majority of my co-retreatants on the long course I did two years ago in NZ were froom Europe, Asia and North America. And I'm not talking about people who have a lot of money. We just believe the experience is incredibly precious and will sacrifice other things in our lives for it.

Ben

All of those are too far away.

However, I'm not too far from Washington D.C. or Baltimore. A while ago, it was suggested that I ask some Baltimore Wat if I could just stay there... I never got around to it...
The best things in life aren't things.

The Diamond Sutra
Individual
 
Posts: 1970
Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:19 am

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby catmoon » Sat Oct 24, 2009 6:32 am

Individual wrote:
Who knows more about my life and my mind, you or me?



What an interesting question. Let's look at that.

First off, if you are talking about general knowledge and details, then of course you know more.

But, if you are talking about this specific situation and difficulty with your friend, the question is open.

Have you considered the possibility that we might be very alike, you and I?

Perhaps there once was a young man very much in your shoes. A young, audacious and intelligent fellow, perhaps a little worried about his laziness, not quite understanding where it came from. A fellow of some independence, disinclined to seek help with difficulties, keen to find his own solutions. And perhaps that young man, who for a moment stood in your shoes, went on to keep those iffy friends, in one case, and went to discard them in another, and to keep them in a third, and discard them again in a fourth, many times, as decades passed.

And when that young man grew old, having seen the results of both choices over and over, he might even have had the nerve to try and tell someone what he had learned. He might even have seen that it was a risky business, but worth the risk.
User avatar
catmoon
 
Posts: 368
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:59 am

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Annapurna » Sat Oct 24, 2009 7:21 am

Individual wrote:Negative self-judgments are not useful. It seems more prudent to try to enjoy life and not be overly concerned with discipline or morality.


Doesn't seem prudent for a Buddhist to crave pleasure, -in case you read my posts.
http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/
User avatar
Annapurna
 
Posts: 2639
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:04 pm
Location: Germany

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Annapurna » Sat Oct 24, 2009 7:23 am

Ben wrote:
Individual wrote:It seems more prudent to try to enjoy life and not be overly concerned with discipline or morality.

Hence, the situation you now find yourself in, individual. And this observation is not negative or subjective, but is apparent to Manapa, myself and others here. Through your states of mind and actions, you are creating the situations you find yourself in.

Try practicing Dhamma, including maintaining all of the precepts, and you might actually find your life improve for the better.
Talking about Dhamma without practicing it - its like someone reciting or discussing a doctor's prescription without actually taking the medicine. Its meaningless.
And until you start taking the medicine of Dhamma - you won't get any better.

Ben


:goodpost:
http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/
User avatar
Annapurna
 
Posts: 2639
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:04 pm
Location: Germany

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Annapurna » Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:08 am

Individual wrote:
Ben wrote:
Try practicing Dhamma, including maintaining all of the precepts, and you might actually find your life improve for the better.


Avoiding killing bugs, abstaining from caffeinated soda, and from pornography, is not going to improve one's life by any measure.

I am improving my life in an appropriate way.


What....?

Individual, do you truly see the luminous dhamma?

Are you seeking the path of least resistance and pleasure, or wisdom?

Do you use excuses, such as "too far", if given sound advice where you can find a free retreat?

There are agencies for arranged lifts, so do you search the web for those, instead of posting articles that can't improve you present dilemmas?

Do you order new games instead of paying off your debts first?

Do you complain about bad friends, instead of making a cut and becoming a better individual, that attracts better friends?

Do you pity yourself about how others wrong you, and maintain situations which allow them to abuse you? You are co-responsible.

Which benefit does all the attention you are getting here from others in your topics bring you if you don't follow their advice?

Will they continue to reply to you, if they realize that is a waste of time, just like a spoon will never taste the soup?

Is my compassion like the roar of a lion or a tender meow?

-A
http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/
User avatar
Annapurna
 
Posts: 2639
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:04 pm
Location: Germany

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby PeterB » Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:23 am

Apparantly we might Individual, know more bout your mind than you do. :smile: Its called objectivity.

I have a question for you. You must have known the reaction you would get to your post. You were asking a group of Buddhists for sympathy because you had some illegal drugs stolen from you. So why did you post it ?
PeterB
 
Posts: 3904
Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 12:35 pm

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Cittasanto » Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:55 am

Individual wrote:
Manapa wrote:what is better mindfulness or lack of mindfulness?
discipline or lack of discipline?
wholesomeness or lack of wholesomeness?

Negative self-judgments are not useful. It seems more prudent to try to enjoy life and not be overly concerned with discipline or morality.

who is talking about negative self judgements?
obviously your method isn't working oterwise his thread would not of been stated!
abit of background about me here before I run to visit my mum in hospial and jump on a flight!
Prison twice for violen crimes while under the influence of Alchohol and other drugs, rehab once, Mental hospital twice becase of a mood disorder which doesnt affect my day to day life (to any great degree anymore) due to my practice, which the doctors thought would not work for 6months without medcation.

it is more prudent to be disciplined and enjoy life than o tae the easy option
Man - I am ill doctor
Doctor - here is some medication
M -Thanks so h I'llread about thisstff on line
D - how will that help you
M - becaue I'll know he theory of what it does
D - but it is the use that will help you
M - SO YOU SAY.
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
Upāsaka Cittasanto
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
User avatar
Cittasanto
 
Posts: 5687
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 10:31 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby catmoon » Sat Oct 24, 2009 9:13 am

Annabel wrote:Is my compassion like the roar of a lion or a tender meow?

-A


Dunno, but it's subtle like a falling bowling ball to the head. :jawdrop:
User avatar
catmoon
 
Posts: 368
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:59 am

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Annapurna » Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:07 am

Different strokes for different blokes. ;)

Meanwhile, Individual has moved on to another topic.
http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/
User avatar
Annapurna
 
Posts: 2639
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:04 pm
Location: Germany

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Ben » Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:54 am

Annabel wrote:Meanwhile, Individual has moved on to another topic.

Perhaps we should too.
Kind regards

Ben
"One cannot step twice into the same river, nor can one grasp any mortal substance in a stable condition, but it scatters and again gathers; it forms and dissolves, and approaches and departs."

- Hereclitus


Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global Relief

Buddhist Life Stories of Australia

e: ben.dhammawheel@gmail.com
User avatar
Ben
Site Admin
 
Posts: 15940
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: Land of the sleeping gods

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby LauraJ » Wed Nov 18, 2009 7:41 pm

Hi Individual,

I don't judge people who use weed or anything else, I never would. But I'm glad for you, to hear that right now you've given it up. Because without the tiniest shred of hesitation, I can say that it attracts trouble in countless ways (including troubling weed-smoking-friendships).

Much metta to you :)
Laura
Dharma Wheel
Buddha Blog

Conquer the angry man by love. Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness. Conquer the miser with generosity. Conquer the liar with truth. -The Dhammapada
User avatar
LauraJ
 
Posts: 151
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2009 8:38 pm

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Dan74 » Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:06 pm

Sounds like you've learnt to stand up for yourself just fine!

Be well, friend.

_/|\_

PS I don't think there is anyone here who hasn't in one way or another let him or herself down for most of their lives at least. If you are conscious of the fact, this is a huge bonus already! Plus you have the Dhamma. Now all that's needed is resolve and stamina to stick with it.
_/|\_
User avatar
Dan74
 
Posts: 2617
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2009 11:12 pm

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby BlackBird » Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:50 am

Since this topic is making a resurgence

I smoked weed, amongst other things for years, and all I got was a chronic spotlight effect. I'm really glad to have found the Dhamma, and turned my life around actually, I was going down a bad path.

Sometimes I guess I take the Triple Gem for granted. It's worth more than anything you can buy on this planet, and it's offered for free. The word 'gem' doesn't really do it justice, it's a treasure incomparable. So when we look at it in this light, we shouldn't be upset about having to do things we don't want, or not getting our own way, because we always have the Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, which is so rare in Samsara, such a freak occurrence. We're the fortunate lot, indeed.

metta
Jack
"For a disciple who has conviction in the Teacher's message & lives to penetrate it, what accords with the Dhamma is this:
'The Blessed One is the Teacher, I am a disciple. He is the one who knows, not I." - MN. 70 Kitagiri Sutta
User avatar
BlackBird
 
Posts: 1860
Joined: Fri Apr 17, 2009 12:07 pm
Location: New Zealand

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Clueless Git » Thu Nov 19, 2009 10:41 am

Individual wrote:I've been lied to, robbed, and betrayed many time ..!

Only once we have been robbed of our ability to trust have we been robbed of owt of any real importance matey?

From memory ...

"He robbed me, he beat me, he threw me down! Trouble will follow he who harbours such thoughts as surely as the wheel follows the Ox that pulls the cart ..."

It's a toughie matey. A dirty world fights a constant war of attrition against those who wish to be 'clean'?

Il nisi Ilegitimi carborundum (let not the b'stards grind you down).
Clueless Git
 
Posts: 137
Joined: Fri Oct 16, 2009 7:44 am

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Mothra » Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:31 pm

Clueless Git wrote:
Individual wrote:I've been lied to, robbed, and betrayed many time ..!

"He robbed me, he beat me, he threw me down! Trouble will follow he who harbours such thoughts as surely as the wheel follows the Ox that pulls the cart ..."


It's amazing how perfectly this situation seems to fit the very beginning of the Dhammapada:

3. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.

4. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who do not harbor such thoughts still their hatred.

5. Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.

6. There are those who do not realize that one day we all must die. But those who do realize this settle their quarrels.

7. Just as a storm throws down a weak tree, so does Mara overpower the man who lives for the pursuit of pleasures, who is uncontrolled in his senses, immoderate in eating, indolent, and dissipated. 1

8. Just as a storm cannot prevail against a rocky mountain, so Mara can never overpower the man who lives meditating on the impurities, who is controlled in his senses, moderate in eating, and filled with faith and earnest effort. 2

9. Whoever being depraved, devoid of self-control and truthfulness, should don the monk's yellow robe, he surely is not worthy of the robe.

10. But whoever is purged of depravity, well-established in virtues and filled with self-control and truthfulness, he indeed is worthy of the yellow robe.
Mothra
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 4:01 am

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Anders » Fri Nov 20, 2009 10:49 am

tiltbillings wrote:Oh, what a bunch of spoil-sports.


qft. Badgering people into being moral rarely works for anyone.

Sorry to say, but the stench of being saved reeks a bit in this thread. I'm pretty sure Individual already knows smoking weed is not an ideal virtue of a Buddhist practitioner, but that's really not the topic here.

At any rate, it sounds like you have a lot of practise picking bad friends and are now picking up the habit of figuring out how worthwhile that is. Good for you, indi.
User avatar
Anders
 
Posts: 97
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 10:52 pm

Re: Can't trust anybody.

Postby Sanghamitta » Fri Nov 20, 2009 11:14 am

Anders Honore wrote:
tiltbillings wrote:Oh, what a bunch of spoil-sports.


qft. Badgering people into being moral rarely works for anyone.

Sorry to say, but the stench of being saved reeks a bit in this thread. I'm pretty sure Individual already knows smoking weed is not an ideal virtue of a Buddhist practitioner, but that's really not the topic here.

At any rate, it sounds like you have a lot of practise picking bad friends and are now picking up the habit of figuring out how worthwhile that is. Good for you, indi.

Sorry to contradict you, but fwiw there is ample evidence if you cross refer, that Individual would not agree that smoking weed is not an ideal virtue of a Buddhist practitioner. He thinks it is a non issue. Therefore the fact the fact that he was threatening violence because his store of marijuana was stolen is likewise a non issue in terms of the Dhamma in his view. A number of people were concerned enough to point out that his unhappiness was in part directly a consequence with his not making the connection between that unhappiness and a particular life style. I think a laizzes faire response to this would be adhammic.
The going for refuge is the door of entrance to the teachings of the Buddha.

Bhikku Bodhi.
Sanghamitta
 
Posts: 1614
Joined: Wed Jul 29, 2009 9:21 am
Location: By the River Thames near London.

PreviousNext

Return to Lounge

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Mr Man, Ron-The-Elder and 8 guests