Dugu wrote:1. If say your spouse had cheated on you, would you want him/her to tell you or best kept it a secret?
With as little elaboration as to to how
I know as is possible the 'correct' answer is along the lines of this:
The sole trigger for affairs is "unfulfilled emotional need" which, with a rather nasty twist, can be either positive emotional needs OR
negative emotional needs. Example of positive emotional need being, in one who has good self image, the need to feel loved (the need for 'constant positive affirmation' in counsellor speak). Example of negative emotional need being, in one who has poor self image, a need for a degree of denigration and abuse. If either positive or negative emotional needs are not being fullfilled within a relationship then the needy one will always be vunerable, if another who can fulfill those needs hives into view, to fulfiling those unmet needs which usulay ends up in either a purely emotional or an actualy physical 'affair'.
(Does anyone else agree that an intensively emotional 'betrayal', even if non-physical, would be more devastating than a purely physical one btw?)
From that (although the cheated partner is FAR from excluded from having their own unfulfilled emotional needs too) that the cheater has unfullfilled emotional needs which he or she has fallen victim to is a 100 cert.
The issue that arises from an affair is thus ALWAYS that a most likely hitherto unrecognised problem of one, or both, partners having emotional needs which the other has not met is most uncomfortably exposed.
Such an issue will not be resolved without the involvement of the emotionaly stronger partner. It is thus unlikely that if the weaker partner cheats and does not tell that the underlying problem will ever be resolved. It is equaly likely that if the stronger partner cheats that, untill he or she has fixed their own weakness that made them vunerable to an outsider, then they should probably let the burden remain their own.
Shortest personal answer to the question of " If say your spouse had cheated on you, would you want him/her to tell you or best kept it a secret?:
In such instances what "I
" want is irrelevant. "I
" will get according to which of my partners various needs I have met, and which I have failed to meet, exactly
what I have earned.