I need a bit of consolation.

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I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Annapurna » Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:53 pm

I need a bit of consolation.

Holiday season. Will see my brother tomorrow who is terminally ill for the first time after he was diagnosed with brain-tumor. . Hope I keep my nerves and won't cry.
I'm working 3 jobs lately, to cope with the financial crisis.

Tired....

And now I have 2 American families in the vacation-apts., who waste energy like champions...are loud...gamble....drink....

I find the central heating turned on in the staircase they didn't rent and only briefly pass through.

I find the house door open very day, whilst freezing temperatures and think the door is having problems,due to the cold, and hang a note on the door to lock it once because I keep finding it open....

A while ago, I found it open again, and asked 2 of them, why, and they tell me they do so because they'll only be going for a walk...

I told them they have 2 keys and 2 doorbells, and should please make use of that....

Then she became somewhat rude and treated me as if I was being a nuisance....

I felt so disrespected that I said: Look, if I am going to find this door open one more time, I will be pissed off....

And walked back in.

My knees were shaking, that a guest would be so rude....

Or ...am I wrong?

I explained kindly that our energy prices are high,and in the rental contract the guest consents to saving energy....

Gimmiesomedhammaplease.

I feel like a flower in the desert.

:cry:
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Tex » Thu Dec 24, 2009 3:14 pm

No words of wisdom to offer. Just hang in there.

The Americans will eventually come back here (sigh), winter will turn to spring, and the economy will eventually come around. Focus on your brother and the Dhamma.

:group:
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"To reach beyond fear and danger we must sharpen and widen our vision. We have to pierce through the deceptions that lull us into a comfortable complacency, to take a straight look down into the depths of our existence, without turning away uneasily or running after distractions." -- Bhikkhu Bodhi
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Vardali » Thu Dec 24, 2009 3:20 pm

Sending you some warm thoughts, Annabel :)
I will be thinking of you and your brother and hope that you can make most of the time you still have together.
And perhaps you have the chance to get some more sleep over the holidays, as I know from experience that life can appear overwhelming if one is sleep-deprived. :sage:

With metta
:anjali:
V.
Last edited by Vardali on Thu Dec 24, 2009 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Aloka » Thu Dec 24, 2009 3:40 pm

Hi Annabel,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and hope you can share some loving moments together. As Vardali has already mentioned, its important for you to get some rest too.
I have difficult and rude new neighbours myself -so I sympathise with your problem with the lodgers. I would suggest that its important to make clear, firm boundaries in a friendly way - and stress that the door must be kept shut for energy conservation and home security.
Otherwise maybe also do some metta practice with them in mind ?....it does help !

With kind wishes to you,

Aloka
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Cittasanto » Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:42 pm

The breath goes in, the breath foes out!

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
Upāsaka Cittasanto
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby alan » Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:45 pm

I'll apologize on behalf of the rude Americans.
But there is a good side--at least they are paying their rent!
Perhaps you could put out a new policy---Republicans pay double!
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Ben » Thu Dec 24, 2009 9:55 pm

Hi Anna

Sorry to hear of your brother and the trouble with your guests,
Your guests are anicca, they too will pass.
I recommend that when you start to feel agitated, go back to awareness of breath and to also practice metta bhavana, not forgetting to include yourself as an object of metta, karuna, upekka and mudita.
For your brother, include him as an object of metta. The best thing you can do for him is the best thing to do for yourself - bhavana! Also keep in mind that while you are aware that your brother has a terminal disease, all of us are subject to death and it can come at any time. In effect, we all suffer from a terminal disease yet live our lives wrapped in the delusion of assumed immortality. And if you get upset when you're with your brother - relax and just be aware of the flow of mental contents and sensations.
Be easy on yourself, and if you need to, come online and hang out here with your dhamma friends.
Despite the bad news regarding your brother's health, I hope you have a wonderful time together tomorrow - and just forget about your annoying American guests. In the scheme of things, they're just a little ripple on the ocean of life.
metta

Ben
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- Heraclitus


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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Annapurna » Thu Dec 24, 2009 10:38 pm

Thanks, guys.

You have helped me.....I have regained some equanimity and detachment.

...amazing....the power of words, of thoughts.

Like medicine.

I'm thankful I know you guys.

I'll let you know how it went.

Annabel
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby retrofuturist » Fri Dec 25, 2009 6:20 am

Greetings Annabel,

Glad to see you've been able to frame the situation a more beneficial light.

:thumbsup:

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Cittasanto » Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:13 am

Hope today is a beautiful day for you
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
Upāsaka Cittasanto
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Vardali » Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:38 am

Keeping you and your brother in my thoughts today :)

with metta,
V.
:anjali:
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Annapurna » Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:48 am

The earplugs I was recommended are priceless.
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby PeterB » Fri Dec 25, 2009 10:13 am

Metta to you and your brother Anna.
Metta also to your guests although I dont think that should stop you continuing to make clear what you expect from them.

:anjali:
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Annapurna » Sat Dec 26, 2009 9:09 am

Thank you, all.

Best wishes to you as well. I hope all is well with you.

Dear friends...! :group:

So yesterday afternoon I followed my brothers invitation to come and celebrate with them in the neighboring village where my brother is a guest himself at the house of his sister in law.

It was the first time I was over there for Christmas, since my brother, as a guest himself, can't really invite me, but I told him it would probably less hassle for all, if I could join them, instead of 15 people coming to me, and he said he would drop a hint.

Since he is terminally ill, and I am his only sister, I was welcomed warmly and made to feel right at home.

It was the most wonderful Christmas I've had in ages.

I was invited at 4 pm, for Prosecco and cookies, tried the excellent prosecco and then drank carbonated water.

Later on, my brother asked me if I would like to stay for dinner.
We had 2 geese, with red cabbage and dumplings. (And tried a sip of the red wine, and had a digestive. Was not losing mindfulness.)

It was a wonderful meal, and I helped as much as possible.

We were 4 generations:

2 great grandparents, aged 93 and 87, the granny had to be carried upstairs.

My brother and his wife

Her sister with her husband (the hosts)

My brother's 3 sons with 2 of 3 wives

3 little kiddies,aged from 2-5.

Myself.

15, if I counted right.


My brother was feeling well I think, he looks and is like always, almost all his hair has grown back after chemo, he didn't lose any weight, and was in rather good spirits.

In short, I am sooo thankful I was allowed to share those wonderful hours with him and his large family.

He brought me to the car, where we briefly hugged and said bye-bye. A critical moment. He waved on the street for a long time, and I had my arm out of thecar, waving too.

I was in tears on the way home.

(I'll have to return, though, forgot some cloths...)

My American guest Julie met me on the frontyard this morning, and wished me merry Christmas, and said she loved being here, and that they wanted to bring me a Christmas dinner last night, but I wasn't home, so they tried again several times...

:smile:

We are having another holiday today.

Thanks for the support you guys gave me.

I hope you all had nice holidays as well. and wish you all a nice weekend.

:group: :heart:
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby PeterB » Sat Dec 26, 2009 9:38 am

I am glad for you Anna

:anjali:
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Cittasanto » Sat Dec 26, 2009 9:51 am

sounds like a wonderful day
This offering maybe right, or wrong, but it is one, the other, both, or neither!
With Metta
Upāsaka Cittasanto
Blog, - Some Suttas Translated, Ajahn Chah.
"Others will misconstrue reality due to their personal perspectives, doggedly holding onto and not easily discarding them; We shall not misconstrue reality due to our own personal perspectives, nor doggedly holding onto them, but will discard them easily. This effacement shall be done."
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Annapurna » Sun Dec 27, 2009 12:04 pm

Dear friends, as beautiful my evening with my brother was, as horrible today the departure of the Americans.

The kitchen a horrible mess.

I've never seen anything like this before.

Dishes piling. Everything dirty.

Food left everywhere. -Full frigde, food not useable anymore. Trash not taken out to the bins.

I immediately charged extra cleaning costs which surprised them very much.

The worst damage to the apartment is, however, that they dropped neon green wax onto a light blue carpet in the living room, pouring excess wax into the glassholders of the tealight screen,- which are safe against dripping, but no, they have to pour rests into the holders ad spill stuff....

The 2 men and I later negotiated about the carpet, and they didn't want to sign a paper that they will pay for the damage, but pacify me with 40 Euros. (But there is a rental contract which says so...) However, it will be very difficult to sue people in Morocco.

So, here I am. Took the 40 E.

Happy they are gone, trying to undo the damage....

Once again my premonitions came true....the tea light screen has to go downstairs, into my own rooms, some people can't handle the easiest things....what a pity....

Am slightly frustrated, but also happy about 2 things:

I am so happy they are out.

I was really calm all the way through the discussions.

This time, no wrong speech on my side.

:smile:

I'm still sick and tired of this biz at the moment.
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby catmoon » Sun Dec 27, 2009 1:00 pm

Time for tea and cookies. Don't neglect this!
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Annapurna » Sun Dec 27, 2009 1:50 pm

I just had a big pizza! I discovered even more damage! The tablecloth is probably ruined beyond repair....15 more Euros. :weep:
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Re: I need a bit of consolation.

Postby Fede » Sun Dec 27, 2009 3:31 pm

You need to send them a letter via your solicitor, that they need to pay for the damage.
is there an inventory that is checked off on arrival and departure?
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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