Need a little help...

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.

Need a little help...

Postby BobbyC » Fri Feb 26, 2010 9:03 pm

Hi guys - I was just wondering if maybe some of you had a little advice for a stressful situation?

I don't want to depress you all with the details, but I've been having a bit of a tough time in my life since the end of last year. My uncle became very ill and passed away within a few months of falling ill. Following this a lot of trouble was created by his new partner surrounding wills (again skipping details, but it was serious enough to involve solicitors). Anyway, through all of this my family became very upset and stressed - some of them even dividing to side with my uncle's partner. Around this time I also lost the friendship of someone I was extremley close to and valued greatly for, as far as I could see, a no solid reason (it was out of both of our controls) - I still do not understand this and still question it to this day, but it's hit me very hard... Despite all of this though, I did manage to stay out of the confrontations and incidents within my family, but have not managed to come out unscathed and I'm suffering a lot from it now. :weep:
Buddhism has provided me so much comfort and relief through this time (I've no idea how I would have got through without it!!) so I'm slightly unsure why I'm so affected after the fact. I was just hoping that maybe someone might have a little advice, a tried and tested technique or maybe some reading to help relieve some of the stress? I'm also hoping to go out this weekend to put together my own shrine at home, so any ideas for this are greatly appreciated too :)

Sorry if my story has brought any of you down!

With much metta,

Bobby

:yingyang:
BobbyC
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Feb 21, 2010 5:51 pm
Location: London, UK

Re: Need a little help...

Postby retrofuturist » Fri Feb 26, 2010 10:28 pm

Greetings Bobby,

The following sutta comes to mind...

AN 8.6: Lokavipatti Sutta (The Failings of the World)
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html

Plus this related analysis from Venerable Narada Mahathera...

Eight Worldly Conditions: Vicissitudes of Life (Atthalokadhamma)
http://www.bps.lk/bp_library/bp_102s/page_43.html

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


Dharma Wheel (Mahayana / Vajrayana forum) -- Open flower ~ Open book (blog)
User avatar
retrofuturist
Site Admin
 
Posts: 14674
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 9:52 pm
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Need a little help...

Postby jcsuperstar » Sat Feb 27, 2010 3:18 am

when i think of myself, i suffer..


when my life went down the crap hole a few years ago, i got really into watching comedy, i tried to laugh as much as i could.
สัพเพ สัตตา สุขีตา โหนตุ

the mountain may be heavy in and of itself, but if you're not trying to carry it it's not heavy to you- Ajaan Suwat
User avatar
jcsuperstar
 
Posts: 1915
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 5:15 am
Location: alaska

Re: Need a little help...

Postby Ben » Sat Feb 27, 2010 4:38 am

Hi Bobby
I can relate to what you've been going through.
Ten years ago my father died and due to a dispute over his will, my siblings and I were engaged in a long, painful and extremely expensive legal battle against an opportunistic and vexacious challenger. I am convinced that it was one of the causes that lead to one of my brothers untimely death.
No matter what is going on "out there", ensure that you maintain the basics of healthy eating, getting enough sleep, exercise and maintaining significant relationships. The other important thing is to maintain your practice. If you have the time during this period, I strongly recommend a residential retreat of intensive meditation. These things are not easy to do when there is so much turmoil, but they're medicine.
metta

Bem
"One cannot step twice into the same river, nor can one grasp any mortal substance in a stable condition, but it scatters and again gathers; it forms and dissolves, and approaches and departs."

- Heraclitus


Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR
Buddhist Life Stories of Australia

e: ben.dhammawheel@gmail.com
User avatar
Ben
Site Admin
 
Posts: 16146
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: Land of the sleeping gods

Re: Need a little help...

Postby BobbyC » Sat Feb 27, 2010 8:03 pm

Many thanks for your kind and helpful replies everyone :)
Retro - thank you for the sutta, I have printed them off to read before meditating.
jcsuperstar - I'm usually one for watching a lot of comedies, but I've somehow not seen that many lately, thank you for reminding me :twothumbsup:
Ben - I'm very sorry that you've had a similar experience. But that you got through it is an inspiration to me. I've been unable (for one reason or other) to attend my local temple lately, but I'm definately going to make sure I go no matter what I have on! Through this time, I've found that I've become more and more devoted - which has shown itself by my buying more books than I can keep up with! :lol: Your idea of a residential retreat sounds wonderful. Are there any you could maybe recommend? I'm not very sure where to start.

Many thanks again guys!

Much metta,

Bobby

:yingyang:
BobbyC
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Feb 21, 2010 5:51 pm
Location: London, UK

Re: Need a little help...

Postby Ben » Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:56 pm

Hi Bobby
I'm a long-term student of SN Goenka and so I would recommend a ten-day courses at one of his centres.
http://www.dhamma.org/

For courses in the UK:
http://www.dhamma.org/en/bycountry/eu/uk.shtml

And of course, I imagine there will be residential retreats available in the UK in other traditions. And I hope some of our other members can point you in the right direction with regards to them.
metta

Ben
"One cannot step twice into the same river, nor can one grasp any mortal substance in a stable condition, but it scatters and again gathers; it forms and dissolves, and approaches and departs."

- Heraclitus


Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR
Buddhist Life Stories of Australia

e: ben.dhammawheel@gmail.com
User avatar
Ben
Site Admin
 
Posts: 16146
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: Land of the sleeping gods

Re: Need a little help...

Postby IanAnd » Sun Feb 28, 2010 12:01 am

BobbyC wrote:Hi guys - I was just wondering if maybe some of you had a little advice for a stressful situation?

Anyway, through all of this my family became very upset and stressed - some of them even dividing to side with my uncle's partner.Around this time I also lost the friendship of someone I was extremley close to and valued greatly for, as far as I could see, a no solid reason (it was out of both of our controls) - I still do not understand this and still question it to this day, but it's hit me very hard...

Despite all of this though, I did manage to stay out of the confrontations and incidents within my family, but have not managed to come out unscathed and I'm suffering a lot from it now. :weep:

Buddhism has provided me so much comfort and relief through this time (I've no idea how I would have got through without it!!) so I'm slightly unsure why I'm so affected after the fact. I was just hoping that maybe someone might have a little advice, a tried and tested technique or maybe some reading to help relieve some of the stress?

With regard to the highlighted sections above and in line with the links given by Retro, have you considered simply letting go of the attachment you may have to these situations and just dealing anew with whatever comes up as needed? The attachment is what helps cause any dissatisfaction you may experience. Just be content with what you have and don't lament what you don't have.

Sometimes, unsavory situations seem to work themselves out, if you just wait and watch what happens. Other times, an opportunity presents itself in which you may amend any wrongs perceived by other parties.

If you strive to keep your mind in the center of the calm, with equanimity, you can better observe what is happening on the periphery, and make your determinations from there (meaning, take action when action is warranted).
"The gift of truth exceeds all other gifts" — Dhammapada, v. 354 Craving XXIV
User avatar
IanAnd
 
Posts: 399
Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:19 am
Location: the deserts of Arizona

Re: Need a little help...

Postby BobbyC » Sat Mar 06, 2010 5:50 pm

Ben - Many thanks for the info - I have to say it does look ideal and I would love to go, but unfortunately they don't seem to have any scheduled in London at the moment... Until then I'm getting through by downloading a lot of talks and meditations from Audio Dharma (such a great site!)
IanAnd - What you said was very true, and it was this precise thinking that got me through during all of the upheaval. But as I said, a lot of my "problems"(?) have arisen after most of the issues have gone away. I suspect some of it just needs to be given time to go away and the rest eased with meditation and reading - luckily they're my top two hobbies!

Thanks for the supportive responses and sorry it's taken so long to reply!

Bobby

:yingyang:
BobbyC
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Feb 21, 2010 5:51 pm
Location: London, UK


Return to Lounge

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 5 guests