Do you (still) visit any Non -Buddhist forae?

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.

Re: Do you (still) visit any Non -Buddhist forae?

Postby Annapurna » Sat May 22, 2010 8:39 am

Something else came to my mind:

I know one of the mods in this forum a bit better. She seems 'spiritual', but is following New Age ideas.

A while ago she and I had a longer conversation via PN.

Very frequently she mentioned health problems in threads. So I sent her a PM, asking if I could help.

She shared her stressful situation.

She has not forgiven her mother for something, like a divorce, and going away, and she is very resentful as a result. Her mother became ill. She has cancer. She contacted her daughter. She would like to depart from this life having made her peace with her, speak with her. She wants her to visit. She wants her to come over after her death, and take care of dissolving the household, mind you, she didn't ask: Take care of me while I'm still alive, help me, wash me, feed me, give me medicine, hold my hand when I pass.

Nothing of that sort.

She said her daughter would inherit everything.

Her daughter, let's call her Alex, was in a deep dilemma because of this, because she has not forgiven her mother, she holds on to the grudge, and doesn't really want to see her....only thinking of herself, and how much stress this might cause her.

No thought was spent on the situation of her mom.

:shock:

As a result, she became ill, getting all sorts of diseases. It reminded me of the Dhammapada, where the Buddha speaks of what happens to people who fails others.
I gently spoke with Alex about all the good her mother had done to her when she was little, and before she had to escape a bad marriage, in ways which are not for me to judge.

I tried to smooth over her ruffles feathers, and encourage her to let go of old reproaches and make a new start. To forgive, and do something humane, which is to help her mother come to peace with the past, and alleviate her suffering and death by being around with loving kindness.

I encouraged her to be selfless for a while, to make it easier on somebody. And that her health might rapidly improve. And that she might never forgive herself, if she let that chance to reconcile go by. That she may arrive at a new very beneficial POV.

She had excuses. Her daughter has to go to school. Etc.
................

To be honest, I was shocked and sad.....

I should have left then. If she is so hard to her own mother, how will she be to almost strangers, like forum members? But I sometimes feel such hope against all odds, that a Dhamma person may have a beneficial impact, but then, I am not a teaching Buddha. I know I reached a few members. They thanked me.

That shall suffice.

PS: I'm not perfect, and hope it didn't sound that way.
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Re: Do you (still) visit any Non -Buddhist forae?

Postby SDC » Mon May 24, 2010 4:45 pm

Annapurna wrote:PS: I'm not perfect, and hope it didn't sound that way.


I did not think you were coming off like that at all.

That's a rough situation with your friend. You did give her advice that would have given her and her mother a chance to help each other out in more ways than one. Too bad she couldn't see past her own issues. Hopefully she does before its too late.

It gets interesting, especially on the internet, when we stop, for whatever reason, maintaining our "internet image/persona" and really get into our deep and personal thoughts and opinions. At that point we often find other people not to be anything like we imagined. We often shock ourselves with our own conduct towards others when they "upset" us. Question is - who's to blame in these situations? Others, for not living up to our expectations? Ourselves, for assuming we knew them? Ourselves, for assuming we knew ourselves?!

Regardless where we place blame, I think there are lessons to be learned. So at least there is some benefit to be found when they occur.
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Re: Do you (still) visit any Non -Buddhist forae?

Postby Vardali » Mon May 24, 2010 7:01 pm

well, I think it is easier to suggest forgiveness to others than having to do it oneself if there is a deep-seated hurt involved, I guess. One of the things easier said then done, perhaps

That's why I find metta mditation so important; it starts with the easy targets and oneself and only then moves to the "hard cases" ;) Count your blessings that you have learned that lesson already. :D There are many of us still reaching our limits there in some cases ;) perhaps one day this forum friend of yours might get to this point as well, but she probably has to heal some more ... :hug:
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Re: Do you (still) visit any Non -Buddhist forae?

Postby jcsuperstar » Mon May 24, 2010 8:20 pm

this is it, i was on esangha and i would join but never really post on some other buddhist boards, a decade ago i ran a board for musicians in a certain genre i was involved in and i was also on a board dedicated to a record label i had close ties with but that ended badly.
สัพเพ สัตตา สุขีตา โหนตุ

the mountain may be heavy in and of itself, but if you're not trying to carry it it's not heavy to you- Ajaan Suwat
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Re: Do you (still) visit any Non -Buddhist forae?

Postby Annapurna » Mon May 24, 2010 10:38 pm

SDC wrote:
Annapurna wrote:PS: I'm not perfect, and hope it didn't sound that way.


I did not think you were coming off like that at all.

That's a rough situation with your friend. You did give her advice that would have given her and her mother a chance to help each other out in more ways than one. Too bad she couldn't see past her own issues. Hopefully she does before its too late.

It gets interesting, especially on the internet, when we stop, for whatever reason, maintaining our "internet image/persona" and really get into our deep and personal thoughts and opinions. At that point we often find other people not to be anything like we imagined. We often shock ourselves with our own conduct towards others when they "upset" us. Question is - who's to blame in these situations? Others, for not living up to our expectations? Ourselves, for assuming we knew them? Ourselves, for assuming we knew ourselves?!

Regardless where we place blame, I think there are lessons to be learned. So at least there is some benefit to be found when they occur.


I'm glad I didn't come across arrogant.
That's a rough situation with your friend. You did give her advice that would have given her and her mother a chance to help each other out in more ways than one. Too bad she couldn't see past her own issues. Hopefully she does before its too late.


I hope so as well.

It gets interesting, especially on the internet, when we stop, for whatever reason, maintaining our "internet image/persona"


I agree, many people may be cultivating an "internet persona". Sorry if I talk about myself, but I can't be anything but myself. Gets me in trouble too. :roll:

At that point we often find other people not to be anything like we imagined. We often shock ourselves with our own conduct towards others when they "upset" us. Question is - who's to blame in these situations? Others, for not living up to our expectations? Ourselves, for assuming we knew them? Ourselves, for assuming we knew ourselves?!


Interesting....but -
It's not about blame for me. I become sad over the world altogether, at times, the degree of delusion, chasing all the wrong tails.... (all the things I chase/d as well....)

What a wild world this is.

Surely you know what I mean?

I think there are lessons to be learned. So at least there is some benefit to be found when they occur.


Oh, absolutely. I'm thankful for this challenge, actually, it's enlightening and now I am happy about everything and at peace with it... :smile:

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I enjoy thinking about what you bring up...

Anna
http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/
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Re: Do you (still) visit any Non -Buddhist forae?

Postby Fede » Mon May 24, 2010 11:06 pm

I frequent three others that are non-Buddhist.
One is a Grammar and language forum discussing the finer points of language, origin, etymology and definition of English words, (it's all I can do to prevent myself discussing your title.....!)
....And the other two are relationships forums, where I have garnered a reputation of "tell-it-like-it-is~ness".
I'm a Moderator on one.

As you can imagine, opinions vary and emotions can run high.... :sage:
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: Do you (still) visit any Non -Buddhist forae?

Postby SDC » Tue May 25, 2010 2:14 am

Annapurna wrote:I agree, many people may be cultivating an "internet persona". Sorry if I talk about myself, but I can't be anything but myself. Gets me in trouble too. :roll:


I wasn't referring to you. It was a general statement. Sorry for not clarifying.

Annapurna wrote:Interesting....but -
It's not about blame for me. I become sad over the world altogether, at times, the degree of delusion, chasing all the wrong tails.... (all the things I chase/d as well....)

What a wild world this is.

Surely you know what I mean?


Indeed it is.

Annapurna wrote:Oh, absolutely. I'm thankful for this challenge, actually, it's enlightening and now I am happy about everything and at peace with it... :smile:

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I enjoy thinking about what you bring up...

Anna


:smile:
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Re: Do you (still) visit any Non -Buddhist forae?

Postby Ngawang Drolma. » Thu May 27, 2010 1:40 am

I've scaled back a lot. I visit fewer sites (sorry for disappearing from here for a while :? )
And I cut back on the volunteering I do at sites like moderating and whatnot.

I really don't have the time or inclination to visit non-Buddhist forums so I don't know what they're like. Sorry to hear about some of the unpleasant experiences!

Best,
Laura
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