NeedabittaMetta....

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.

NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Fede » Fri Aug 27, 2010 10:26 am

My house is quiet.
My lamps are all lit on both my altars....
A wonderfully aromatic fug has invaded all space like an all-pervading mist, as my Nag Champa incense burns in every room.
as I move from room to room, I strike the meditation bowl in my hallway, ringing it loudly so that wherever I am the sound follows me, gently fading....

I feel like I'm two people at the moment...

Beset on one side with day-to-day worries, egocentric personal concerns, dilemmas and heartbreaking situations demanding hard decisions....tears sometimes well, unbidden, and fall silently down my cheeks, and stop just as suddenly as they began....

On the other side I have my equanimous self, relaxing, letting go, seeing everything as illusory and impermanent, smiling inwardly and shaking my oh-so-wise head at the utter foolishness of my clinging and grasping....so silly, goodness me, what are you worrying about....?

It's like watching an arm-wrestling contest I tell you.....

Just send me a little Metta for now. Just a little.

That's all. Thank you.

:namaste:
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby PeterB » Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:04 am

Consider it sent Alex... :hug:
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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Fede » Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:15 am

;)

:hug: back to you.
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Ben » Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:25 pm

Fede wrote:Just send me a little Metta for now. Just a little.

Its on its way - as always!
"One cannot step twice into the same river, nor can one grasp any mortal substance in a stable condition, but it scatters and again gathers; it forms and dissolves, and approaches and departs."

- Hereclitus


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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Fede » Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:33 pm

Even from Van Diemen's land, it is a quick mover! Hope all is well with you, and thinking of you all during your own difficult moments.

Thank you, as ever, Ben....
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Stephen K » Fri Aug 27, 2010 1:54 pm

Dear Fede, I sent you a PM. :smile:
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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby plwk » Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:12 pm

Image
Bhikkhus, if you develop and make much this one thing,
it invariably leads to weariness, cessation, appeasement, realization and extinction.
What is it? It is recollecting the Enlightened One.
If this single thing is recollected and made much,
it invariably leads to weariness, cessation, appeasement, realization and extinction.

Anguttara-Nikaya: Ekanipata: Ekadhammapali: Pañhamavagga
VSM VMM WBB TBHT WTBT My Page
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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Fede » Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:18 pm

Thank you all, everyone. :group:
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby David N. Snyder » Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:12 pm



Much metta . . .
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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Fede » Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:34 pm

Thank you David, I have this Chant of Metta, and have in the past, given it to others. It never ceases to bring tears to my eyes (in a good way) and I simply bask in the love-liness of it.

It is indeed beautiful, and I think it should be a legal obligation for everyone - but everyone - to listen to it first thing in the morning, to help the day start in the best way possible.

It really says it all.

:namaste:
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby octathlon » Fri Aug 27, 2010 10:34 pm

Hi Fede,

May you be happy and have the causes of happiness.

May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

:anjali:
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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Fede » Fri Aug 27, 2010 10:42 pm

(What kind of suffering....? :tongue: )

I'm just kidding....
Thank you Octathlon, I appreciate it.

I'm glad to say I actually feel a whole lot better this evening than I did this morning.
A bit of quiet, solitary contemplation and reflection, and reading the posts and links in this forum, helped enormously. But I guess what helped most of all was the wonderfully overwhelming, cleansing, invigorating and refreshing wave of metta that came over me, during the day.

You all worked your stuff, friends.
And for that, I am eternally grateful.....
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby octathlon » Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:12 pm

Fede wrote:(What kind of suffering....? :tongue: )

:tongue: :D
All kinds in all languages, of course!

Glad you are feeling better.
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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Kim OHara » Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:22 pm

Fede,
May you find equanimity and remain in it although troubles swirl around you.
Be well, be happy.
:namaste:
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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Preet » Sat Aug 28, 2010 4:12 am

Even though I know you only through your posts (and your replies to mine) that was what I used to guide my metta to you while meditating. When I read 'the quiet mind' years back, it didn't seem strange (or even mildly unusual) that Sayagi U Ba Khin had asked his students to meditate and 'tune in' to his metta at a predetermined time. And just a few days back I read in 'eat pray love' a similar occurrence where she sends her chant vibrations (?) to her nephew who would be going to bed at that time, and his sleep troubles were eased. Wishing you peace.
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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Vepacitta » Sat Aug 28, 2010 5:03 am

Good roads, right roads, bright roads Fede!

And may the wind be at your back and the road rise up to meet you!

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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Fede » Thu Nov 04, 2010 8:17 pm

I just thought I would share this with you all.

My father, as some of you may know, has been unwell for some considerable time, and an elderly and frail man.
I have repeatedly over the last two years or so, asked my mother whether she needed me to go over to be with them at any time. They live in Italy, you see, and I am UK-based, and frankly, money is very tight.
She always declined the offer, because "well, if you come over, then you go home, and then I need you to come over again...It's not worth it...."

On the 15th of October, I asked her again, if I needed to go over to be with her,. and to help in any way.
This time, she responded with, "Yes....perhaps it would be a good thing if you came over....."
I flew out on the 17th.

My father passed away in the early hours of Thursday October 28th, at home, in his own bed, with my mother and me at his bedside.

It had not been a comfortable, peaceful or restful night, and there was some distress on his part during the hours before he died.
But it was almost as if some...being, or essence, was slowly travelling up his body, from his feet, mindfully and gently flicking all the switches to 'off' until, at 6.45am, he seemed to say "This is the last switch, ok?, and I'm about to flick it"....and then he was just...... gone.

Things happen very quickly in Italy, and funerals generally take place the following day, but those responsible were more than happy to delay things a further 24 hours to permit my two brothers to join us.
The Funeral took place on Saturday 30th, and the church was packed to overflowing.
The service was simple, the music breathtakingly appropriate, and the experience moving, but neither maudlin nor morose.
I read a brief précis my mother had written, on his 90 years of life, (how do you condense a life well lived for nearly a century, onto two A4 sheets of paper?) then ended with an anecdote of an incident which had always made me smile wryly, but which in re-telling, made everyone laugh, and applaud.... Italians like applauding....

I had wondered, in these two past years, just how well my study, understanding and acceptance of Attachment/Detachment would actually 'serve' me when it came to the crunch.
I mean, it's all well and good speaking of attachment and detachment, and understanding what it entails, and accepting the premise of the Buddha's wisdom therein, but I mean.... actually ''doing' it....? How's that going to work, really? I mean.... really?

It worked.

I shed natural tears, and felt some nostalgia and sentimentality, and knew then, how much I would miss him, but all in all, I actually felt an overwhelming peace and acceptance.

During the night of his dying, I kept stroking his head, and telling him to 'let go, it's fine, just relax and let it go'.... and I'd like to think he heard me, and complied, but of course, it may just be fanciful wishful-thinking to believe it so....
But it all felt absolutely right.
Both my brothers fell to pieces, but I put this down to the fact that they had not been present to witness his gradual, inexorable but actually fairly rapid decline.
They both said, however, that they marvelled at how strong I was, and how supportive and compassionate I was.
I didn't feel this at all. I just felt that things were as they were, because that's the way they were.

So all I would say, is this:
Keep studying attachment and detachment. absorb all you can, and really get to grips with it.
Acceptance of things as they are, is big, in this.
And know and love all those around you, who will probably not have got it quite as deeply as you, and will be the ones in need of support, compassion, a shoulder to lean on and an arm to cling to.
THEY'RE the ones who will need you.
And don't try to explain, elaborate, clarify or give opinion.
Just be there.
because that's just the way things are.


:namaste:
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Modus.Ponens » Thu Nov 04, 2010 9:30 pm

May you and your family be well and free from suffering.
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"
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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Fede » Sat Nov 06, 2010 7:14 pm

Thank you Modus....

Weird, the funeral was a week today.....I can scarcely figure time, and it's surreal way of passing......

Edit to add....


I feel like a fraud, because everyone is showering me with well-intentioned sympathy and actually, I'm absolutely fine with all of this.
I watched my father die.
I watched him die for a few days in fact. He began to deteriorate gradually, from the time of my arrival, but then, two days before, positively plummeted to the definite point of no return, and basically switched off completely.
I was by his side when he died, but actually, my whole aim has been to be at my mother's side as her husband and life's mate died in her arms.
The long and the short of it is that I didn't go to Italy to be there at his end, I went to be there for my mother, at his end.

Don't get me wrong.
My thoughts constantly focussed on the Buddha's instructions and supportive guidance, regarding detachment and suffering.
I was reading "What makes you NOT a Buddhist" and "The places that scare you" and relishing the profound peaceful truth and support within those pages.
But it was all "old news" to me, something I had become accustomed to, as one does to anything familiar and comfortable.
It all resonated with me, because it had indeed done so for some considerable time.

I think what I'm trying to get at is...
I was the only one during the whole 'process' who seemed to have a good grip and control of the situation, and as such, viewing all others around me who were behaving more....shall we say....'conventionally'....it felt strangely odd - to be the odd one out.
Last edited by Fede on Sat Nov 06, 2010 9:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Samsara: The human condition's heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment." Elizabeth Gilbert, 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

Simplify: 17 into 1 WILL go: Mindfulness!

Quieta movere magna merces videbatur. (Sallust, c.86-c.35 BC)
Translation: Just to stir things up seemed a good reward in itself. ;)

I am sooooo happy - How on earth could I be otherwise?! :D


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Re: NeedabittaMetta....

Postby Dan74 » Sat Nov 06, 2010 9:07 pm

May you be well, Fede.

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