Joke!!!

A place to discuss casual topics amongst spiritual friends.
Locked
User avatar
robertk
Posts: 5603
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:08 am

Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk »

Cardiovascular Exercise

The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and muscle mass. If you're over 50, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina. Warning: It may be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

Scroll Down




























































NOW SCROLL UP
That's enough for the first day. Great job. Relax, watch a movie.

:
User avatar
DNS
Site Admin
Posts: 17169
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:15 am
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, Estados Unidos de América
Contact:

Re: Joke!!!

Post by DNS »

robertk wrote:COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY TRAVEL AGENTS about HOLIDAYS FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
...
:
Those are great. As a landlord, I can relate to some of those complaints. Here are some complaints I have received recently:

Resident: I have ants.
me: Where are the ants?
Resident: Outside by the sidewalk.
me: So they are not in your apartment?
Resident: Correct, they are by the sidewalk, can you get them killed?

Resident: I have gnats.
me: Where are the gnats?
Resident: Outside by the dumpsters.

Resident: My electric bill is too high.
me: What temperature do you have the a/c set to?
Resident: 68 degrees F (20 celcius)
me: You do know it's 110 degrees (43 celcius) outside, right and the a/c won't shut off if you are trying to get it that cold?
Resident: Yes, it's too hot and I want it cold in my apartment. My electric bill is too high.

Image
User avatar
samseva
Posts: 3045
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:59 pm

Re: Joke!!!

Post by samseva »

Image
User avatar
robertk
Posts: 5603
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:08 am

Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk »

Here is a little something to help the men who r having trouble with the last precept
66funny-pictures52.gif
66funny-pictures52.gif (126.46 KiB) Viewed 3399 times
User avatar
robertk
Posts: 5603
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:08 am

Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk »

Definitions

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have... Similar to my character lines.
User avatar
robertk
Posts: 5603
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:08 am

Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk »

image.jpg
image.jpg (44.62 KiB) Viewed 3345 times
User avatar
robertk
Posts: 5603
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:08 am

Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk »

image.jpg
image.jpg (52.95 KiB) Viewed 3344 times
User avatar
Ben
Posts: 18438
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: Joke!!!

Post by Ben »

Said B1to B2...
image.jpg
image.jpg (67 KiB) Viewed 3221 times
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR

e: [email protected]..
User avatar
cooran
Posts: 8503
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:32 pm
Location: Queensland, Australia

Re: Joke!!!

Post by cooran »

Why did the Buddhist Coroner get the sack?

Because he would always record the cause of death as "birth".
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
User avatar
cooran
Posts: 8503
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:32 pm
Location: Queensland, Australia

Re: Joke!!!

Post by cooran »

Why did the TM practitioner refuse novocaine when he had to have a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend Dental Medication.
---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---
User avatar
samseva
Posts: 3045
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:59 pm

Re: Joke!!!

Post by samseva »

User avatar
samseva
Posts: 3045
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:59 pm

Re: Joke!!!

Post by samseva »

happiness.jpg
happiness.jpg (51.41 KiB) Viewed 3516 times
User avatar
samseva
Posts: 3045
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:59 pm

Re: Joke!!!

Post by samseva »

Coolest aged man ever!

User avatar
Kim OHara
Posts: 5584
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:47 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: Joke!!!

Post by Kim OHara »

Zen sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

19. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
User avatar
robertk
Posts: 5603
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:08 am

Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk »

Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied
Locked