Joke!!!

A place to discuss casual topics amongst spiritual friends.
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Kim OHara
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Kim OHara »

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JeffR
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by JeffR »

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Therein what are 'six (types of) disrespect'? One dwells without respect, without deference for the Teacher; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Teaching; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Order; one dwells without respect, without deference for the precepts; one dwells without respect, without deference for heedfulness; one dwells without respect, without deference for hospitality. These are six (types of) disrespect.
:Vibh 945
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Kim OHara
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Re: Joke!!!

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Kim OHara
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Re: Joke!!!

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SarathW
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by SarathW »

Bing search came "How convert to mp 3 " as number one.

Goenka said:

"Rather than converting people from one organized religion to another organized religion," said Mr. Goenka, "we should try to convert people from misery to happiness, from bondage to liberationand from cruelty to compassion."

http://www.dhamma.org/en/about/goenka" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
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JeffR
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by JeffR »

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.

The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that, the husband passed away. The wife muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
Therein what are 'six (types of) disrespect'? One dwells without respect, without deference for the Teacher; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Teaching; one dwells without respect, without deference for the Order; one dwells without respect, without deference for the precepts; one dwells without respect, without deference for heedfulness; one dwells without respect, without deference for hospitality. These are six (types of) disrespect.
:Vibh 945
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TonyConrad
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by TonyConrad »

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They .. will not listen when discourses that are words of the Tathagata ..are being recited. They will not lend ear, will not set their hearts on knowing them, will not regard these teachings as worth grasping or mastering. But they will listen when discourses that are literary works — the works of poets, elegant in sound, elegant in rhetoric, the work of outsiders, words of disciples — are recited. ..Thus from corrupt Dhamma comes corrupt discipline; from corrupt discipline, corrupt Dhamma.

This, monks, is the fourth future danger .. work to get rid of it.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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retrofuturist
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings,

I couldn't help but chuckle at this...
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Metta,
Paul. :)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
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Kusala
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Kusala »

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"He, the Blessed One, is indeed the Noble Lord, the Perfectly Enlightened One;
He is impeccable in conduct and understanding, the Serene One, the Knower of the Worlds;
He trains perfectly those who wish to be trained; he is Teacher of gods and men; he is Awake and Holy. "

--------------------------------------------
"The Dhamma is well-expounded by the Blessed One,
Apparent here and now, timeless, encouraging investigation,
Leading to liberation, to be experienced individually by the wise. "
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robertk
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk »

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.



The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.



At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family Pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.



That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited For you to meet my parents, come on in!"



The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girl friend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no Idea you were this religious."



The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was THE pharmacist."
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robertk
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by robertk »

-Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?

-Take my advice............ I'm not using it.

-I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

-Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

-Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

-I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.

-Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

-I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

-Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

-If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

-Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

-My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

-There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

-Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

-Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

-He who laughs last thinks slowest.

-Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

-Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

-I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

-The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.

-I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.

-I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

-If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

-If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

-Money is the root of all wealth.
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robertk
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Re: Joke!!!

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robertk
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Re: Joke!!!

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Spiny Norman
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Re: Joke!!!

Post by Spiny Norman »

Mr. Rabbit went to the pub on his way home from work every evening, and always ordered two cheese toasties and a pint of bitter. One night the cheese was running low, so he agreed to have a cheese toasties and a ham toastie. But a little while after finishing the toasties he fell off his bar stool unconscious, much to the concern of the pub landlord. An ambulance was called but sadly the paramedics were unable to save Mr. Rabbit. The landlord asked what had caused Mr. Rabbits death, the paramedic said "Mixing his toasties"......

...myxomatosis :toilet:
Buddha save me from new-agers!
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Kim OHara
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Re: Joke!!!

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