Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

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Strive4Karuna
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Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby Strive4Karuna » Sun Feb 03, 2013 11:30 am

I realize that a lot of my suffering comes from my judgemental personality. Because of this, I constanly critique others (almost always negatively) and judge myself the same. This has led to a lot of suffering because I sometimes feel I have no love, kindness, compassion for anybody as well as myself. In order to work against this, I have tried to learn to be accepting. To accept what I see as "negative" qualities in others and "negative" qualities In myself. But by taking this approach, is this the right way?? Ultimately I need to work towards overcoming such qualities like arrogance, jealously, self-centredness etc., but as a first step, is it okay to accept these qualities? Accept and "love" these qualities? Because by me telling myself that such "negative" states are "bad", I realize I have spent my entire life telling myself that I am "bad" and others are "bad" and this has caused so much anxiety, insecurity, negative feelings and suffering.

I have thought, well, I will learn to accept myself, good and bad, and after I do so, I will work towards removing the negative qualities. But when I look at it this way, Im still essentially telling myself these qualities are "bad" because how can you accept something you want to get rid of? Sorry to make this go on for so long, but i just realized what my question really is. How do you learn to accept a "negative" quality while still keeping yourself open towards overcoming it? And Sorry for saying myself like a thousand times, cant think of a different word. :tongue:

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Ben
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby Ben » Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:36 pm

Hi S2K
These negative qualities are ephemeral, and transient.
Practice sila, and develop samadhi and panna.
Various forms of vipassana meditation will be good training to see the rise and fall of the phenomenology of thse negative qualities in stark relief. Samatha meditation will help you to develop the sensitivity of mind to observe the more subtle aspects of these mental qualities.
I have also found it beneficial to practice metta bhavana as a means of cultivating good will towards oneself and others.
Wishing you all the best,

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

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bodom
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby bodom » Sun Feb 03, 2013 3:12 pm

The Buddha never taught acceptance with regard to unwholesome mind states. He taught right effort which is cultivating wholesome mind states to combat the negative. Develop generosity to overcome greed. Develop loving friendliness to overcome hatred. Develop wisdom to overcome delusion.

:anjali:
To study is to know the texts,
To practice is to know your defilements,
To attain the goal is to know and let go.

- Ajahn Lee Dhammadharo


With mindfulness immersed in the body
well established, restrained
with regard to the six media of contact,
always centered, the monk
can know Unbinding for himself.

- Ud 3.5


https://www.dhammatalks.org/index.html
http://www.ajahnchah.org/

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retrofuturist
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby retrofuturist » Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:18 am

"Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education." - Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead" - Thomas Paine

SarathW
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby SarathW » Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:55 am

This is how I try to get rid of my negative thoughts.

I remind myself that there is no permanent thing call I. Everything around us are aggregates so they all subject to impermanence. It is natural for the five aggregates to have negative thoughts due to ignorance.
So next time when you have negative though just be aware that it is a negative thoughts. Say “it is not me, it is not mine, it is not myself but they are just negative thoughts”
Then notice how your thoughts are moving from one object to another object. Then realise there is no a person but just the moving consciousness.

This knowledge will help you to develop Brhmaviharas

Metta
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”

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tiltbillings
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby tiltbillings » Mon Feb 04, 2013 6:00 am


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waterchan
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby waterchan » Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:03 pm

quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)

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retrofuturist
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby retrofuturist » Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:06 pm

"Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education." - Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead" - Thomas Paine

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waterchan
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby waterchan » Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:18 pm

Hello retro,

I'm not sure where the conflict lies?
quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)

makarasilapin
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby makarasilapin » Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:35 pm


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waterchan
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby waterchan » Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:44 pm

I meant that I don't see where the conflict lies between the tanha in the OP's powerful desire to be rid of his negative emotions and the chanda generated through samma vayama.

One is motivated by disgust while the other is discerned.
Last edited by waterchan on Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)

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retrofuturist
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby retrofuturist » Mon Feb 04, 2013 10:45 pm

"Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education." - Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead" - Thomas Paine

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waterchan
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby waterchan » Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:00 pm

You're both correct. "Merely" was a bad word to use there.
quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)

Strive4Karuna
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby Strive4Karuna » Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:20 am


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daverupa
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby daverupa » Thu Feb 07, 2013 12:53 pm


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FatDaddy
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby FatDaddy » Thu Feb 07, 2013 1:52 pm

Happy, at rest,
may all beings be happy at heart.
Whatever beings there may be,
weak or strong, without exception,
long, large,
middling, short,
subtle, blatant,
seen & unseen,
near & far, born & seeking birth: May all beings be happy at heart.

Let no one deceive another
or despise anyone anywhere,
or through anger or irritation
wish for another to suffer.
— Sn 1.8

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tiltbillings
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby tiltbillings » Thu Feb 07, 2013 2:44 pm


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polarbear101
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby polarbear101 » Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:08 pm

"I don't envision a single thing that, when developed & cultivated, leads to such great benefit as the mind. The mind, when developed & cultivated, leads to great benefit."

"I don't envision a single thing that, when undeveloped & uncultivated, brings about such suffering & stress as the mind. The mind, when undeveloped & uncultivated, brings about suffering & stress."

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Spiny Norman
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby Spiny Norman » Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:11 pm

"My religion is very simple - my religion is ice-cream."
Dairy Lama

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tiltbillings
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Re: Acceptance of "Negative" Qualities

Postby tiltbillings » Thu Feb 07, 2013 4:00 pm



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