Hello everyone ...
First of all, i would like to say that english is not my first language so please forgive me if i express myself not perfectly.
So here is my little story.
I have been introduce to the dhamma since 2007 when i went to my first course of vipassana meditation by the teacher SN GOENKA.. Since then, i have done a 10 day course every year. Since then also , i have been in a relationship with a non-pratictionner witch is the main idea of my topic .
My last course in january 2014 was very special when i finally felt more metta then ever. And it was the first time that i sat every morning and every evening in a period of 6 month.
Before going to that course in january 2014, i was a bit wondering about my relationship and feeling a bit dissapointed about it, but I was always saying to myself, well i have to work on myself and be more tolerant and accept my partner as it is . I have to observe the sensation becaus what i feel is not not becaus of him but becaus of my old stock of unhappiness.
So when i came back from my course , I was happy about the work on myself and i was just thinking about following the path, i felt that i could love more and more and it did actually during a certain period of time , But then, after having a 3 weeks trip in the summer with my partner , i felt more aversion toward him and i felt that i was not feeling love anymore. I felt doubt about myseflt and my practice , about not accepting things, about not being a good meditator . I was thinking , well i am practicing the dhamma , i should be more loving and accept people as there are but it didnt and i decide to broke up. I felt a bit struggle inside becaus i really though that , by being a good meditator , i could be more stable in my relation and find more peace and compassion in it and it really didnt happen that way. I am questionning myself.
I am going to back to my annual course in january ...
All comments are very welcome
thanks so much for your time