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Anger, enraged - Dhamma Wheel

Anger, enraged

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
ShanYin
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Anger, enraged

Postby ShanYin » Wed May 28, 2014 2:51 am

I have a habit of smashing things when I am angry. This morning, I was so angry, I went into a rage and smashed things. I have had this habit now for years and years. Usually it is my parents that upset me, and this time it is no different. They altered my life course as an adult, and made me live like a prisoner except with less rights in a psychiatric facility.

I was so angry, so enraged it would have been impossible not to have smashed things. It seems my brain is hardwired for it. So I think this is a point where it is a serious problem. I don't get angry everyday. I have meen 'meditating' with a technique called 'quiet observation' for a couple weeks.

I almost completed a book called "Anger Solutions" about a week ago. Maybe I should read it again and participate in the activities it says are helpful.

I am not a bad person in my humble opinion. I often would try to get help with personal problems on another buddhist website, but I feel it's sort of pathetic to keep doing it over and over. I rely on my parents for food, (which I can afford on my own, despite being in poverty), for rides (which I could manage) for laundry (also I could manage.)
I am stuck in my mind whether or not to kick them out of my life.

But to stay on topic, I am a little suprised I guess you could say. I am suprised at my anger this afternoon, because I have been meditating for a couple weeks now, and I read that book. I guess the anti-dote to anger is loving kindness.

Maybe this is an expression of hope that someone may have wise words for me. I realize, with my own words I may leave that pretty open, but there is an issue there.

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pilgrim
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Re: Anger, enraged

Postby pilgrim » Wed May 28, 2014 3:04 am

I'm sorry you have this problem, but I don't think that it is impossible to stop yourself. Just don't do it. Start by walking away and giving yourself time to bring up some self control.

ShanYin
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Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 6:30 am

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby ShanYin » Wed May 28, 2014 3:11 am

Thank you.

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manas
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Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby manas » Wed May 28, 2014 4:54 am

Hi ShanYin

be patient with yourself. I don't think just saying "I won't get angry" or repeating "may I be well and happy" is going to cut it here. The work will have to go a bit deeper than just verbally repeating things, however wholesome. Sounds like you have been through quite alot. Actually I can relate to what you say. I had the same problem when I was a young man. I even punched a few holes in the walls of the dwelling I lived in, a bungalow out the back of my parents' house. Like yourself, I had reason to be unhappy with how my parents had treated me while growing up. It was really difficult at that time, because I was just on the brink of moving away from them, and the emotions, all the pain and the realization of the hurt and injustice that had been done to me, was only just dawning on me properly for the first time. As children we can be blind to what is really going on, but as young adults, we see alot more, and it can really hit us quite hard at first.

In my experience, finding a qualified counsellor you can both trust and get along with, is really helpful in healing from a difficult childhood. If you don't already have one, I suggest looking for one. And don't let anyone rush you into forgiving your parents sooner that you are able to. For the forgiveness to be real, it has to come from a place of wellbeing within yourself, and that is going to take a bit of work.

Lastly, one strategy I used to use, was to at least smash something that was not of much value, and easily replaced. If your laptop happens to be there when you see red, try to quickly pick something else (and I don't recommend the walls of your dwelling, either...ouch). The habit of smashing things can get expensive if you're not careful. ;)

with metta,
manas
:anjali:
Last edited by manas on Wed May 28, 2014 5:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
Then the Blessed One, picking up a tiny bit of dust with the tip of his fingernail, said to the monk, "There isn't even this much form...feeling...
perception...fabrications...consciousness that is constant, lasting, eternal, not subject to change, that will stay just as it is as long as eternity."

pegembara
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Re: Anger, enraged

Postby pegembara » Wed May 28, 2014 5:14 am

And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech.

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Mkoll
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Location: California

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby Mkoll » Wed May 28, 2014 6:30 am

Be mindful of the blood rushing to your head and your arms and the angry energy building up there. Watch the process, beginning with whatever sense-object served as the catalyst.

~~~

pegembara,

What is the source of that quote?
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa

someguysomeguy
Posts: 50
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Location: INDIA

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby someguysomeguy » Thu May 29, 2014 6:38 am

ok i come from a culture (india) where living apart from parents or kicking out parents from home is unthinkable. I don't know much about Western culture.

But i can relate to your problems/trouble. What helps me is this:- Concentrating on Annica/Anatta for any good/bad feelings you get and saying that these do not belong to me......to develop a kind of non-attachment to it. It definitely helps me.

Ananda26
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Re: Anger, enraged

Postby Ananda26 » Thu May 29, 2014 3:16 pm


suwapan
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Re: Anger, enraged

Postby suwapan » Thu May 29, 2014 7:47 pm


ShanYin
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Re: Anger, enraged

Postby ShanYin » Fri May 30, 2014 12:27 am

The anger that I was talking about at first seemed to be triggered by thoughts. It was shortly after waking up. It seemed to be triggered by thoughts. I am reading a book about Buddhism which has a chapter called "The Suffering Of Self" which explains Buddhism very good IMO. I touches on that one type of suffering (out of the 3) can include being stuck with people you don't want to be with. I think that is sort of the suffering I felt that led to the rage. It was what I explained I was thinking of that seemed to make me enraged.

The next day, after that and posting this thread, I went into another rage. I hit something and then I thought of what pilgrim said and prevented myself from hitting something else. Then the anger arose again and I kicked my stove. Like I said, during the anger it seems I can't stop it. I can't remember what it was that set me off yesterday. I think it was: somedays I wake up feeling dead. I'm a drug user, a smoker and I'm coming off anti-psychotics cold turkey right now. (I'm trying to give up the weed and alchohol). I seem to have been in a state of fear for the past months and months. I think what set me off yesterday was frustration of feeling sick.

Other times I remember I get angry is with my dad. He's an extremely frustrating/difficult person to deal and talk to sometimes. Even when he seems happy and is doing something for it makes me wonder if he doesn't understand me on purpose and is also trying to be difficult on purpose. He's gotten violent against me several times, he's the one I got the anger book from.

They do alot of things for me, and I can be at ease around them, more so with my mother than with my father. I think I should find a councellor. I ended contact with my councellor. He was an "Early Intervention Psychosis" councellor.

Is anger one of the 5 hinderances?

Thank you all for your help.

someguysomeguy
Posts: 50
Joined: Wed May 07, 2014 6:59 pm
Location: INDIA

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby someguysomeguy » Fri May 30, 2014 5:21 am

If there were your brothers I would have advised you to move away from them because you dont really have to maintain relationship with brothers/sisters etc. It is not a bad karma to live separate from your brother/sisters if you dont get along. But they are your parents. They have given you birth. You do have a duty towards them and you should not move away from them no matter how hard it will be for you. Study more and more of Buddhism/do more Vipassana meditation and learn how to tolerate bad circumstances.

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Mkoll
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Location: California

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby Mkoll » Fri May 30, 2014 6:59 am

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma sambuddhassa

ShanYin
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 6:30 am

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby ShanYin » Thu Jun 12, 2014 7:08 pm


LXNDR
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Re: Anger, enraged

Postby LXNDR » Thu Jun 12, 2014 7:28 pm


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manas
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Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby manas » Fri Jun 13, 2014 12:07 am

Then the Blessed One, picking up a tiny bit of dust with the tip of his fingernail, said to the monk, "There isn't even this much form...feeling...
perception...fabrications...consciousness that is constant, lasting, eternal, not subject to change, that will stay just as it is as long as eternity."

ShanYin
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 6:30 am

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby ShanYin » Fri Jun 13, 2014 1:22 am

No, it didn't do much to make the anger fits stop. It seems it started when I would get frustrated with video games. I feel more out of touch with reality now than I did before. They kicked me out into a mental hospital and this is how they want me: dependant on them. I have pretty much been depressed my whole life. I could have easily put myself in an independant living situation and been more in touch. They suffucate me and make me want to snap.

ShanYin
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 6:30 am

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby ShanYin » Fri Jun 13, 2014 1:41 am

Having them in my life doesn't seem to be a problem right now. I have been expriencing the emotion of fear non-stop for weeks and weeks. I don't know what to do about it.

rgb1
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Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 1:42 pm

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby rgb1 » Fri Jun 13, 2014 3:06 am

As it is right now it seems you are better off being away from them. You have been dependent on them for so long they think they own your life and try to control it as much as possible. It is like this with my mother as well. It is fine, it is the result of clinging on both ends. What you can do is work on yourself, remove the actions that cause you suffering in your life (taking drugs, and whatever else). Start of with some morality, the 5 precepts, and from there you go forward. As for the fear, you will have to learn how to observe it objectively without clinging to it and reacting. This goes for the anger as well along with all other feelings and thoughts. This is they only way to be free suffering. Don't worry too much about your parents and their actions right now. Cultivate wholesome qualities in yourself and you will be able to help them when you are better equipped to. Wish you all the best.

ShanYin
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 6:30 am

Re: Anger, enraged

Postby ShanYin » Fri Jun 13, 2014 4:19 am

My problems seem to be fear, drug dependance, anger and attachment with parents, smoking ciggarettes, lethargy and health in general.

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ihrjordan
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Re: Anger, enraged

Postby ihrjordan » Fri Jun 13, 2014 4:24 am

"Ko imaṃ pathaviṃ vicessati, yamalokañca imaṃ sadevakaṃ.
ko dhammapadaṃ sudesitaṃ, kusalo pupphamiva pacessati"


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