I have a habit of smashing things when I am angry. This morning, I was so angry, I went into a rage and smashed things. I have had this habit now for years and years. Usually it is my parents that upset me, and this time it is no different. They altered my life course as an adult, and made me live like a prisoner except with less rights in a psychiatric facility.
I was so angry, so enraged it would have been impossible not to have smashed things. It seems my brain is hardwired for it. So I think this is a point where it is a serious problem. I don't get angry everyday. I have meen 'meditating' with a technique called 'quiet observation' for a couple weeks.
Don't feed the anger.
As you meditate, pleasant and unpleasant emotions will arise. How should you observe anger, happiness, anxiety and other emotions? By looking at them as if they were actors. But don't become an actor. Don't get involved with them. Don't get onstage. Just watch the play. Sometimes the actors show excitement or happiness. Sometimes they show anger, frustration, fear or sadness.
Say to yourself, "They're not me," and only watch them to see how long they last. If you don't get involved with them, if you don't cling to them, if you don't think that they belong to you, you won't suffer at all. Only know them, see them, watch them, like watching actors on T.V. When they finish their duty to show this or that thing they leave. Then another actor comes, another feeling or another object. But they aren't real. In the ultimate sense, what they show isn't true - it's just an appearance. And these actors - these feelings and emotions - change all the time.
When an unpleasant emotion such as anger arises, don't get upset or try to suppress it. Nor should you try to look for a "better" object. The emotion is the truth of what is happening in the present, so just know it.
If an emotion is strong you should label it with a mental note. For example, if you realize you're feeling angry, label the feeling "anger, anger" for one or two moments. If you're depressed, note "depression"; if anxious, note, "anxiety." Do the same with pleasant emotions: if you feel joyful, note "joy"; if peaceful, note "peace." You get the picture.
The insight meditation method entails a middle path between 1) suppressing an emotion and 2) indulging it by: "letting it out," trying to feel it more deeply, or thinking about it further. Whether an emotion is pleasant or unpleasant, the vipassana technique is simply to know it with impartial awareness, neither liking it nor wanting to make it go away.
Don't judge the emotion or your self. For instance, if you're suddenly livid, don't criticize yourself for getting angry. Instead, disengage the mind from any involvement in the anger and just watch it, as if you were watching it happen to someone on television, or as if you were a scientist examining a specimen under a microscope. Instead of "becoming" the emotion you mentally pull back from it, then turn your awareness around and observe it. The emotion then becomes another object of your attention. Now instead of being caught up in it you're looking at it from the outside.
Having noted the emotion for one or two moments, let go of it and bring your attention back to the primary meditation object. Over time this method weakens anger, depression, etc., since you are not "feeding" them with your thoughts and reactions. If you simply recognize the presence of these emotions when they appear but don't get hooked by them— that is, don't get upset or intrigued by them— they'll eventually fade out .
When in the grip of a negative emotion we tend to believe it will never end. But in training the mind to know emotion as it is, we come to see its impermanence. Then we realize that even strong grief, anger or fear can last only a moment before passing away. True, it might come back; but even so it passes away again instantly. When you leave an emotion alone and become an impartial observer, it has no power to control you or cause more suffering. The key is to be mindful as soon as it appears so you don't get hooked.
An emotion of any kind is not your self or the property of self. The sadness, anger, peace, etc., is only an impersonal phenomenon, a kind of mental weather that arises in the mind according to certain causes and then passes away.
Most painful emotions spring from memory— hence the value of staying in the present moment. When recalling a painful memory— whether of a broken heart, the loss of home, health, career, or the death of a loved one— remember that the painful event that triggered the feeling is no longer actually occurring in the present. Although the event is over, we tend to cling to it in the mind. But that only generates more suffering.
And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech.