Great advice and observations. Interestingly, one can use the thoughts of hatred and aversion that arise as a way of gaining deeper understanding into what fuels your mother's partner's anger. What you are observing inside yourself is probably similar to what he feels all the time. Isnt it interesting how these kinds of feelings and thoughts perpetuate themselves and seem to pass on, almost like a virus?
Deep down you are not these thoughts and feelings, and neither is he. If you recognize this deeply you may find that compassion grows within you- for him, you start to see him differently. Seeing him differently you may find he starts to change gradually, calmed by your calm.
I find that happens with my wife and mom, when i react calmly to their anger.
"As Buddhists, we should aim to develop relationships that are not predominated by grasping and clinging. Our relationships should be characterised by the brahmaviharas of metta (loving kindness), mudita (sympathetic joy), karuna (compassion), and upekkha (equanimity)."
~post by Ben, Jul 02, 2009