confusion towards another

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confusion towards another

Postby flowers » Sat Feb 19, 2011 8:59 pm

hello and thank you for reading.

my spiritual goal has been to conquer any controling emotion in order to love and have compassion to all, as i believe love and hate can be equally destructive to my reasoning.
but i have encountered one of the opposite sex who i am confused about, tho we have a lot in common, i find it difficult to express myself around them and seem to be caught in a negative pattern despite their friendship.
i believe i am attracted and fearful, both destructive emotions, but am really at a loss on how to conquer. any wisdom gratefully recieved xxx
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Re: confusion towards another

Postby Prasadachitta » Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:56 pm

Hello Flowers,

Your post lacks detail and therefore I am answering in a most general manner. Desire for companionship whether sexual or platonic is a normal healthy human experience. Try not to fear it. Understand that there is another vulnerable being on the other end of your desire. A being who has their own desires and confusions. It is wise to be heedful. Gather reliable information and avoid speculation. Pay attention to the discomfort of unsated desire which is our human heritage. Understand that that this desire is not yours alone but something we all share.

May your heart be calm.

Take care

Gabe
"Beautifully taught is the Lord's Dhamma, immediately apparent, timeless, of the nature of a personal invitation, progressive, to be attained by the wise, each for himself." Anguttara Nikaya V.332
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Re: confusion towards another

Postby Ben » Sun Feb 20, 2011 10:34 am

Greetings flowers and welcome to DW,

flowers wrote:my spiritual goal has been to conquer any controling emotion in order to love and have compassion to all, as i believe love and hate can be equally destructive to my reasoning.
I am interested in how you attempt to do this. I hope for you it isn't just a matter of imagination and willful-thinking.

flowers wrote:but i have encountered one of the opposite sex who i am confused about, tho we have a lot in common, i find it difficult to express myself around them and seem to be caught in a negative pattern despite their friendship. i believe i am attracted and fearful, both destructive emotions, but am really at a loss on how to conquer. any wisdom gratefully recieved xxx

All phenomena that arise, arise to pass away. Whatever you are going through when you are in the company of this person, it may just be wise to try and observe what is going on in your body and mind. If you do this you might find yourself in a little more control of your emotions rather than your emotions having control over you.
kind regards

Ben
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Re: confusion towards another

Postby phil » Sun Feb 20, 2011 12:35 pm

flowers wrote:hello and thank you for reading.

my spiritual goal has been to conquer any controling emotion in order to love and have compassion to all, as i believe love and hate can be equally destructive to my reasoning.
but i have encountered one of the opposite sex who i am confused about, tho we have a lot in common, i find it difficult to express myself around them and seem to be caught in a negative pattern despite their friendship.
i believe i am attracted and fearful, both destructive emotions, but am really at a loss on how to conquer. any wisdom gratefully recieved xxx


Hi Flowers

One thing I've noticed or come to understand when sitting talking with a woman is how fluid and changeable "I" am. At one moment there is a good friend with sincere interest in what she is saying, at another moment there is a horny dog glancincg at her cleavage, at another moment there is a bored man thinking about how I'll be going home from this coffee shop or whatever. So don't get caught in a negative pattern, because that is too fixed. You are fluid too, your understanding, you moods, moment by moment we are changing, stay open and relaxed and watchful....so one moment attracted, one moment fearful, that's perfectly natural, that's the way the Buddha teaches us about our fluid, confused, leaping-here-and -there mind. Somebody once said don't aspire to control the mind, but to no be controlled by it, that's a subtle but important difference....
Kammalakkhano , bhikkhave, bālo, kammalakkhano pandito, apadānasobhanī paññāti
(The fool is characterized by his/her actions/the wise one is characterized by his/her actions/Wisdom shines forth in behaviour.)
(AN 3.2 Lakkhana Sutta)
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Re: confusion towards another

Postby flowers » Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:30 pm

Thank you all so much for the replies, I had forgotten about the other vulnerable person (absorbed in self i guess), and was greatly comforted by the reminder that it is not a weakness as such, merely what is common to us all, so again, many thanks.

With regards to dealing with emotion, i would say there is a two-step approach. Meditation allows clarity of reasoning - a vital tool for rationalising any negativity. But secondly for me is exercise. The physical release of excess energy also helps to calm the body, and is a personal help to clear the mind for meditation.

I'm sure you've realised i'm quite new at this, so i am very grateful for your help.
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