The lay buddhist family

by **gal** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 10:10 pm

Is having a family an ideal that lay Theravada Buddhists aspire to? I've searched and I'm sure the answer is out there but I have not seen many things about the Theravada view of family. I understand that the ultimate ideal is to move into the forest and live a life of joyous celibacy but what about families? I guess the heart of my question is about lay buddhist life and karmic results, because one will inevitably be attached to a wife and children.

by **LonesomeYogurt** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 10:22 pm

The Buddha said, "If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed."

If you are thinking of becoming a monk or nun, then getting married isn't a good idea. Otherwise, if you are deeply devoted to another person, you can have a fulfilling and constructive life together. The life of a householder is not going to make you an arahant, but the Buddha's teachings can bring happiness and harmony to any situation, married life included.

by **bodom** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 10:30 pm

...I have not seen many things about the Theravada view of family...

See the Sigalovada Sutta for the Buddhas advice on raising a family:

Sigalovada Sutta
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .nara.html

:anjali:

by **jason c** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 11:06 pm

hi gal,
i'm married, we have two children and a dog. i will not say it has been easy to incorporate a meditative practice into my life. many times i've wished for silence or time to myself, to meditate in peace. when one begins down this path, and we start meditating seriously, alot of stuff comes to the surface(sankhara's). this can be like trying to navigate in a storm, and one has a tendency to think that one's life situation is the cause of this. some may give up at this point. the truth is, that one has started practicing properly, and these storms are your past stock of sankharas coming to the surface. if you can weather these storms and see this as progress on the path and not regression, your family can be a great asset. your family can teach you compassion, your kids can teach you to live with less sleep, your dog can teach you to meditate in noisy environments. all the time we are thinking of ourselves, i could do this if only this situation was different, i could do that if only these things weren't there. but the truth is, whatever your current life situation is, this is the perfect one for you to start down this path, nothing needs to change. a monk or nun may have more time to practice, but they have other unique obstacles to overcome(living in the forest is not as peaceful as one may think). if you begin practicing properly, your life changes, you don't see problems, just another lesson to be learned. eventually i believe your choices will become more obvious, they will come from a place of need rather than want, and the opposition to them will not be there.

metta,
jason

by **GraemeR** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 3:03 am

gal wrote:Is having a family an ideal that lay Theravada Buddhists aspire to? I've searched and I'm sure the answer is out there but I have not seen many things about the Theravada view of family. I understand that the ultimate ideal is to move into the forest and live a life of joyous celibacy but what about families? I guess the heart of my question is about lay buddhist life and karmic results, because one will inevitably be attached to a wife and children.

I hope that I can give my children a step up from my experience.

Graham

by **Hanzze** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 4:14 am

Dear gal,

I found this very useful, especial for daily life: Mangala Suta Uannana - Ven. K. Gunaratana Thera

There is also a good essay: Opening the Door to the Dhamma - Respect in Buddhist Thought & Practice which is for sure worthy to read.

And of cause the Sigalovada Sutta (some call it the Vinaya for lay-people) is the brilliant orientation for all relationships.

by **bodom** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:56 pm

Making offerings, listening to teachings, practicing meditation, whatever we do should be done for the purpose of developing wisdom. Developing wisdom is for the purpose of liberation, freedom from all these conditions and phenomena. When we are free then no matter what our situation, we don't have to suffer. If we have children, we don't have to suffer. If we work, we don't have to suffer. If we have a house, we don't have to suffer. It's like a lotus in the water. ''I grow in the water, but I don't suffer because of the water. I can't be drowned or burned, because I live in the water.'' When the water ebbs and flows it doesn't affect the lotus. The water and the lotus can exist together without conflict. They are together yet separate. Whatever is in the water nourishes the lotus and helps it grow into something beautiful.

Here it's the same for us. Wealth, home, family, and all defilements of mind, they no longer defile us but rather they help us develop parami, the spiritual perfections.

- Ajahn Chah