Dhamma Wheel Buddhist Forum

You seem to be doing well with your efforts in sense restraint.
I hope that as you continue to rededicate yourself to celibacy that you are careful that you are not being motivated by aversion.
with metta,

Ben

Ben wrote:You seem to be doing well with your efforts in sense restraint.
I hope that as you continue to rededicate yourself to celibacy that you are careful that you are not being motivated by aversion.
with metta,

Ben

Surprisingly after the initial disappointment at letting people down I had almost no aversion at all regarding the female sex. There is the Buddhist meditation on the foulness of the body but all the teachings are to be subject to honest questioning. The Buddha said a woman can have beauty and charm (see Majjhima 13 the allure of forms in drawbacks of sensuality) and I don't have "sour grapes".

I am renewing my intention to accumulate merit of days free from porn because sexual craving when searching for porn is in conflict with my desire for inner peace, concentration and wisdom and I would expect a very stressful rebirth if I passed away at the moment of watching (see SN35.235).

With metta / dhammapal.

Hi Dhammapal,

I am confused - how have you let people down??
kind regards,

Ben

Ben wrote:Hi Dhammapal,

I am confused - how have you let people down??
kind regards,

Ben

Hi Ben,

I see, so the thread is not anti-porn but mainly taking an interest in Buddhist practice re sense-restraint on the InterNet? (I had thought it was like a support group and my "relapse" would erode people's willpower. I need to have more respect for people's ability to make their own independent resolutions)

With metta / dhammapal.

Hi Dhammapal,

It is for support. For people who are dealing with their addictions to masturbation and porn. To diarise their efforts, give and receive support from others.
You are not letting anyone else down if you stumble from time to time. The important thing is not to entertain guilt or other negative thoughts if you are not completely chaste all of the time.
kind regards,

Ben

Ben wrote:Hi Dhammapal,

It is for support. For people who are dealing with their addictions to masturbation and porn. To diarise their efforts, give and receive support from others.
You are not letting anyone else down if you stumble from time to time. The important thing is not to entertain guilt or other negative thoughts if you are not completely chaste all of the time.
kind regards,

Ben

Hi Ben,

Thanks for the clarification and support. I re-read the early posts to the thread.

So we're monitoring the practice as a work-in-progress rather than a final judgment by a court of law e.g. regarding my most recent "relapse". It wasn't a sign of permanent failure but rather sharing my renewed intention publicly is helping me stay positive. And I still have the ability to give support to others.

Is the thread focusing on the one big goal of 90 days porn-free or could it also give step-by-step support to regular users of porn? For lay-Buddhists who use porn every day I would suggest trying to abstain from entertainments and masturbation in the Eight Precepts once a week on Uposatha Days (full moon, new moon, half moon days)

Porn-free for 23 hours.

With metta / dhammapal.

HI dhammapal and anyone else who is seeking to understand the attraction of porn...

I'm not suggesting that you actively seek out porn to test this out. But if and whenever you find yourself engaging with porn, perhaps you could inquire into how you are relating to it. Rather than only assume a certain subjective position in relation to what you are viewing—that is, treat what you encounter as representative of certain kinds of desiring-persons and yourself as another kind of desiring-person desiring those other desiring-persons—perhaps you could also try to be aware of the various 'aggregates' that make up your experience of porn: forms, textures, colours, lines, rhythms, movements, sensations, sounds, vibrations, ebb and flow of feelings, thoughts, mood, tone, intensity, and so forth.

Whilst you work on strengthening your resolve to one day fully abstain from it, it may be helpful to 'de-solidify' the experience. Perhaps porn—regardless of what it involves—is not as 'fixed' or 'necessary' as we have been conditioned to experience it.

dhammapal wrote:After 134 days I just looked at some porn Now I'm worried that I might have downloaded a computer virus! So back to Day 1 I guess.

With metta and apologies / dhammapal.

A sexually transmitted disease!? But I had Google SafeSearch on!

Seriously though I am feeling guilty about increasing my blood pressure. I get it measured next Wednesday. The guilt is always worse the second day after the act.

With metta / dhammapal.

NB I initially had Google SafeSearch switched on (which allows some nude photography) when the suspicious download happened.

zavk wrote:HI dhammapal and anyone else who is seeking to understand the attraction of porn...

I'm not suggesting that you actively seek out porn to test this out. But if and whenever you find yourself engaging with porn, perhaps you could inquire into how you are relating to it. Rather than only assume a certain subjective position in relation to what you are viewing—that is, treat what you encounter as representative of certain kinds of desiring-persons and yourself as another kind of desiring-person desiring those other desiring-persons—perhaps you could also try to be aware of the various 'aggregates' that make up your experience of porn: forms, textures, colours, lines, rhythms, movements, sensations, sounds, vibrations, ebb and flow of feelings, thoughts, mood, tone, intensity, and so forth.

Whilst you work on strengthening your resolve to one day fully abstain from it, it may be helpful to 'de-solidify' the experience. Perhaps porn—regardless of what it involves—is not as 'fixed' or 'necessary' as we have been conditioned to experience it.

Well said, Ed!

dhammapal wrote:

dhammapal wrote:After 134 days I just looked at some porn Now I'm worried that I might have downloaded a computer virus! So back to Day 1 I guess.

With metta and apologies / dhammapal.

A sexually transmitted disease!? But I had Google SafeSearch on!

Seriously though I am feeling guilty about increasing my blood pressure. I get it measured next Wednesday. The guilt is always worse the second day after the act.

With metta / dhammapal.

NB I initially had Google SafeSearch switched on (which allows some nude photography) when the suspicious download happened.

You might want to invest in a decent anti-virus/online security package.
kind regards,

Ben

Ben wrote:

dhammapal wrote:

dhammapal wrote:After 134 days I just looked at some porn Now I'm worried that I might have downloaded a computer virus! So back to Day 1 I guess.

With metta and apologies / dhammapal.

A sexually transmitted disease!? But I had Google SafeSearch on!

Seriously though I am feeling guilty about increasing my blood pressure. I get it measured next Wednesday. The guilt is always worse the second day after the act.

With metta / dhammapal.

NB I initially had Google SafeSearch switched on (which allows some nude photography) when the suspicious download happened.

You might want to invest in a decent anti-virus/online security package.
kind regards,

Ben

Save your money for charity my friend
http://www1.k9webprotection.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

This is a good filter. I use to use it when I was struggling myself .

6 days porn-free. Feeling much better since Day 3.

Instead of mentally undressing women I see during the day I'm successfully using the mantra "I could always look it up on the InterNet," in the same way as if I was wondering about some trivia regarding the history of the world and would never get around to actually looking it up but would let it go.

Today I was amazed when remembering how as a 14-year-old I was so convinced that regularly seeing the private parts of certain women would relieve my depression. Now I'm thinking in a more impersonal way, that for all intents and purposes I've seen it all before.

Thanks for listening / dhammapal.

...seeing the private parts of certain women...

...which, both literally and metaphorically, lead to one place - a womb.

No wonder most of us end up back inside one.

metta.

manas wrote:

...seeing the private parts of certain women...

...which, both literally and metaphorically, lead to one place - a womb.

No wonder most of us end up back inside one.

metta.

Yes I've read the teaching that if headed for a human rebirth then during the death-rebirth process one watches a mother and father having sex. But most people aren't fortunate enough to get a human rebirth and watching videos of humans having sex doesn't help.

With metta / dhammapal.

dhammapal wrote:

manas wrote:

...seeing the private parts of certain women...

...which, both literally and metaphorically, lead to one place - a womb.

No wonder most of us end up back inside one.

metta.

Yes I've read the teaching that if headed for a human rebirth then during the death-rebirth process one watches a mother and father having sex.

Eeeewwww.