Mindfulness and self questioning

[reflection]

You shouldn't question yourself, you shouldn't question why you feel angry, but it is very useful to question why there is anger in the first place. If you do this you'll see it's always coming from a sense of self, you either want to prevent something, change something, correct something for you think you will be better off. So don't look at the shallow end like "he said this but it was like that and therefore I have all reasons to be angry" or whatever, no not like that. Instead, look deeply, why does anger arise in the first place? What do you want to get get out of it? If you look deeply you'll see you also get angry because you like being angry.. Anger is also an attachment sometimes.

So I'd not say it is that much about watching anger rise and fall and how it feels, but really get to why anger arises, and how can you overcome it skilfully, and how to prevent it arising again in the future.

With metta,
Reflection

Thank you reflection,

I know what you meant by really get to why something arises, when one really gets into something one can reconstruct the experience and observe it with a highly concentrated mind. But the later, I am more than welcome you sharing how can one overcome it skilfully and preventing it arising again in the future. I am not really good at this.

Regards

Hi,

There are multiple ways. One of those is recognizing why it arises, because you did learn from previous experiences, but that's not the thing the Buddha recommended in the first place. The first practice we should do is practice loving kindness, it's a natural counter to anger and the two can't exist at the same time. The more experience there is with loving kindness meditation, the more easy it is to use it when anger arises.

[whynotme]

Thank, can you go in more detail?

E.g when others want to harm me, attack me or steal my properties, how can I practice metta on them. When they are not there I can practice metta but when they appear, my metta disappears

Regards.

[Hanzze]

Neither your body is yours, and so there is no own property. No need to act out of the same misunderstanding, like other would act. To remember that quickly is what one would call mindfulness.

[ground]

Hi guys, I am new here and I would like to seek your advice.

Let's say if I am mindfulness and I realised that anger is brewing within me, I repeat anger, anger, anger .. until it goes away.

After it's gone, should I question myself why am I feeling angry, how should I express my unhappiness to the other person?

Should we even ask questions? Or after the emotion is gone, that's it and full stop?

From my experience it is best to not do anything. If anger arises let it be, if anger ceases let it be. If thinking about anger arises let it be, if there is no thinking about anger let it be. Whatever arises or ceases just let it be, do not touch it, do neither accept it nor push it away. Let it be.
But in order to be able to "not touch" upon arising there has to be "space" for anger or thinking or questioning to arise if it arises. This space provides "distance" and is imperturbable but it is there as a natural condition. Just relax and observe.

If "Should I do this or should I do that?" arises just let it be. Do not touch it.

He knows without doubt or hesitation that whatever arises is merely dukkha[8] that what passes away is merely dukkha and such knowledge is his own, not depending on anyone else. This, Kaccaayana, is what constitutes right view.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .wlsh.html

Thanks,

If I have a work need to be done by tomorrow or I will lose my job, how can I relax and observe?

Regards

Observe the situation and analyse why there is work to be done. Is it necessary, worthwhile? Are conditions requiring the work to be done? Come to a conclusion (in the affirmative or in the negative) and then stick to it. If your conclusion is in the affirmative then if resistance arises let it be. If aversion arises let it be. If fear arises let it be. Don't do anything against it or to support it. Just relax and observe while integrating work and presence.

BTW
If you want to avoid work then you should ordain ... then there will be other conditions entailing other constraints or dislikes (but also likes).

[whynotme]

Thanks,

If I have a work need to be done by tomorrow or I will lose my job, how can I relax and observe?

Regards

Observe the situation and analyse why there is work to be done. Is it necessary, worthwhile? Are conditions requiring the work to be done? Come to a conclusion (in the affirmative or in the negative) and then stick to it. If your conclusion is in the affirmative then if resistance arises let it be. If aversion arises let it be. If fear arises let it be. Don't do anything against it or to support it. Just relax and observe while integrating work and presence.

BTW
If you want to avoid work then you should ordain ... then there will be other conditions entailing other constraints or dislikes (but also likes).

Thank you very much

Regards

[whynotme]

Neither your body is yours, and so there is no own property. No need to act out of the same misunderstanding, like other would act. To remember that quickly is what one would call mindfulness.

Even I remember that it is no use

Regards

[Hanzze]

Maybe a story help:

Some times ago, about 2 blocks for us, the son-in-law of a saleswoman organiced a robbery. After his friends had taken the cash box on the way to drive away, she run out of the store, angry, holding on her possession, not letting go of it. The son-in-law shoted her in the middle of the day.

If this silly woman would had let go of this meaningless possession, would have let go of her anger, she would be still alive even the son-in-law how was later killed later on by the family and buried in a rubber plantage.

In this case the wheel of kamma roles on.



There is a fear needed, a fear that no unwholesome mindstate arises and the fear that no unwholesome mindstate is maintained.
Fear is maybe the wrong word, thought that people are often act out of fear of unpleasant reactions. Thinking on the son-in-law who was given the wife, because he told that if he would not get her, he will rape her. So as long there is no good established mindfulness, fear of doing wrong could be easily in fact a fear that goes against ones tanha (desire).

A man searching for fruit climbs a tree to eat his fill and to stuff his garments with fruit to take home. While he is there, another man searching for fruit comes along. The second man can't climb the tree but he has an axe, so he chops the tree down. If the first man doesn't quickly get out of the tree, he may break an arm or a leg, or even die.

This simile shows the perils of looking for true happiness in the wrong place: in sensual pleasures. If your happiness depends on anything other people can take away from you, you're putting yourself in danger. As the Buddha notes, we hope for happiness in sensual pleasures not because they've ever really satisfied us but because we can't imagine any other escape from pain and suffering. If we allowed ourselves to believe that there is another alternative, we'd be more willing to question our strong faith in our cravings and attachments, more willing to look for that alternative and give it a try.

Faith In Awakening (worthy a read)

[reflection]

Thank, can you go in more detail?

E.g when others want to harm me, attack me or steal my properties, how can I practice metta on them. When they are not there I can practice metta but when they appear, my metta disappears

Regards.

Well, in difficult situations it is a bit harder of course. I think the best thing one can do is prevent as much 'damage' as possible. Which means, prevent as much anger as possible. Take a few mindful breaths and let anger settle. Of course you can also prepare yourself by doing a lot of metta meditation in general. But don't beat yourself up if you've been slightly angry in a difficult situation. You're not a Buddha

[Yana]

Hi guys, I am new here and I would like to seek your advice.

Let's say if I am mindfulness and I realised that anger is brewing within me, I repeat anger, anger, anger .. until it goes away.

After it's gone, should I question myself why am I feeling angry, how should I express my unhappiness to the other person?

Should we even ask questions? Or after the emotion is gone, that's it and full stop?

hello,

I don't know if this is right or wrong but In my own experience after the anger or greed/jealousy/etc goes away.
I don't follow it.
As in i just move and become one with my present state.So i don't think about it.I focus my mind on whatever i'm doing now.

I just feel that the more i sit and analyze things about what went wrong the more i am creating or adding more stress,do you understand what i mean?

I think there's is a difference.. and i know it's subtle.. between thinking about a problem and actually experiencing the problem.

For example, when i am angry, i first acknowledge that there is anger.I don't view it as "My anger" and automatically for me i have a sense of detachment..Using this detachment i can see how one thing led to another.How anger came to be.I can see the link that made anger happen even though i know anger will subside.

But when it's gone then i think you should leave it.But if you feel you really want to learn from it then i think you should use the same sense of detachment that i explained before.because if your still deeply attached to the issue it could bring out more stress and frustration on your part.

The more you focus on something the more you magnify it.So you'll want to focus on the right things.

[DAWN]

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html

MN 20
"There is the case where evil, unskillful thoughts — imbued with desire, aversion, or delusion — arise in a monk while he is referring to and attending to a particular theme.
...
"Now when a monk... attending to another theme... scrutinizing the drawbacks of those thoughts... paying no mind and paying no attention to those thoughts... attending to the relaxing of thought-fabrication with regard to those thoughts... beating down, constraining and crushing his mind with his awareness... steadies his mind right within, settles it, unifies it and concentrates it: He is then called a monk with mastery over the ways of thought sequences. He thinks whatever thought he wants to, and doesn't think whatever thought he doesn't. He has severed craving, thrown off the fetters, and — through the right penetration of conceit — has made an end of suffering and stress."

[Dan74]

http://www.dhammatalks.net/Books3/Ajahn_Sumedho_Listening_to_Thoughts.htm

http://www.audiodharma.org/talks/audio_player/1328.html