Clinging to Like-minded individuals or Relatives

An open and inclusive investigation into Buddhism and spiritual cultivation

Clinging to Like-minded individuals or Relatives

Postby rolling_boulder » Sun Mar 02, 2014 12:25 am

My friends,

If you have a moment , I would greatly appreciate your insights. :candle:

To an arahant

is the concept of a "friend"

(in the sense that an attachment is given, by the Arahant, that is greater than what is given for the average human)

delusion?

Is the concept of a "family"

(not in the physical sense of genetic relation, but instead in the sense of a people deemed more worthy of our kindness)

delusion?

To further clarify, should we
as followers of Dhamma
as self imposed "Buddhists"
treat our friends/family any better than we treat random strangers?



my warm regards
With loving kindness to all beings.
rolling_boulder
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2013 4:01 am

Re: Clinging to Like-minded individuals or Relatives

Postby Goofaholix » Sun Mar 02, 2014 1:02 am

I don't think we should treat anybody better or anybody worse.

The only thing with family and friends is that you keep in touch with them and see them more often, and they are less likely to be uncomfortable if they want or need something from you.
"Proper effort is not the effort to make something particular happen. It is the effort to be aware and awake each moment." - Ajahn Chah
"When we see beyond self, we no longer cling to happiness. When we stop clinging, we can begin to be happy." - Ajahn Chah
"Know and watch your heart. It’s pure but emotions come to colour it." — Ajahn Chah
User avatar
Goofaholix
 
Posts: 1874
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:49 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Clinging to Like-minded individuals or Relatives

Postby culaavuso » Sun Mar 02, 2014 1:07 am

rolling_boulder wrote:To an arahant

is the concept of a "friend"

(in the sense that an attachment is given, by the Arahant, that is greater than what is given for the average human)

delusion?


Admirable friends are important to the holy life.

SN 45.2
SN 45.2: Upaddha Sutta wrote:As he was sitting there, Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, "This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie."

"Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path."


rolling_boulder wrote:Is the concept of a "family"

(not in the physical sense of genetic relation, but instead in the sense of a people deemed more worthy of our kindness)

delusion?


The concept of family is not delusion, but the "going forth" of the monastic life includes leaving family behind.

SN 42.9
SN 42.9: Kula Sutta wrote:Yes, headman, the Tathagata in many ways praises kindness, protection, & sympathy for families.


DN 2
DN 2: Samaññaphala Sutta wrote:So after some time he abandons his mass of wealth, large or small; leaves his circle of relatives, large or small; shaves off his hair and beard, puts on the ochre robes, and goes forth from the household life into homelessness. Having thus gone forth he lives restrained in body, speech, and mind, content with the simplest food and shelter, delighting in solitude.


rolling_boulder wrote:To further clarify, should we
as followers of Dhamma
as self imposed "Buddhists"
treat our friends/family any better than we treat random strangers?


Cultivating the impartial intention for all beings to be happy is recommended. However, it's also worth noting that the capacity to influence the happiness of all beings is not equal. The way to create the greatest happiness is to focus where there is the greatest influence on happiness.

Snp 1.8
Snp 1.8: Karaniya Metta Sutta wrote:May all beings be happy at heart.


DN 31
DN 31: Sigalovada Sutta wrote:In five ways, young householder, a child should minister to his parents as the East:
(i) Having supported me I shall support them,
(ii) I shall do their duties,
(iii) I shall keep the family tradition,
(iv) I shall make myself worthy of my inheritance,
(v) furthermore I shall offer alms in honor of my departed
relatives.

In five ways, young householder, the parents thus ministered to as the East by their children, show their compassion:
(i) they restrain them from evil,
(ii) they encourage them to do good,
(iii) they train them for a profession,
(iv) they arrange a suitable marriage,
(v) at the proper time they hand over their inheritance to them.
...
In five ways, young householder, should a wife as the West be ministered to by a husband:
(i) by being courteous to her,
(ii) by not despising her,
(iii) by being faithful to her,
(iv) by handing over authority to her,
(v) by providing her with adornments.

The wife thus ministered to as the West by her husband shows her compassion to her husband in five ways:
(i) she performs her duties well,
(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendants
(iii) she is faithful,
(iv) she protects what he brings,
(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.
...
In five ways, young householder, should a clansman minister to his friends and associates as the North:
(i) by liberality,
(ii) by courteous speech,
(iii) by being helpful,
(iv) by being impartial,
(v) by sincerity.

The friends and associates thus ministered to as the North by a clansman show compassion to him in five ways:
(i) they protect him when he is heedless,
(ii) they protect his property when he is heedless,
(iii) they become a refuge when he is in danger,
(iv) they do not forsake him in his troubles,
(v) they show consideration for his family.
...
The mother and father are the East,
The Teachers are the South,
Wife and Children are the West,
The friends and associates are the North.

Servants and employees are the Nadir,
The ascetics and brahmans are the Zenith;
Who is fit to lead the household life,
These six quarters he should salute.

Who is wise and virtuous,
Gentle and keen-witted,
Humble and amenable,
Such a one to honor may attain.

Who is energetic and not indolent,
In misfortune unshaken,
Flawless in manner and intelligent,
Such a one to honor may attain.

Who is hospitable, and friendly,
Liberal and unselfish,
A guide, an instructor, a leader,
Such a one to honor may attain.

Generosity, sweet speech,
Helpfulness to others,
Impartiality to all,
As the case demands.

These four winning ways make the world go round,
As the linchpin in a moving car.
If these in the world exist not,
Neither mother nor father will receive,
Respect and honor from their children.

Since these four winning ways
The wise appraise in every way,
To eminence they attain,
And praise they rightly gain.
culaavuso
 
Posts: 852
Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:27 pm

Re: Clinging to Like-minded individuals or Relatives

Postby Kim OHara » Mon Mar 03, 2014 1:41 am

rolling_boulder wrote:To further clarify, should we
as followers of Dhamma
as self imposed "Buddhists"
treat our friends/family any better than we treat random strangers?

Ideally we will meet everyone - friends, family and random strangers - with equanimity, treat then with compassion and loving-kindness, and rejoice in their happiness.

I would be inclined to answer your question by turning it around, saying that we should treat random strangers as well as we treat friends and family. But there will still be the difference of familiarity which will make it easier for us to be with family and friends than with people we don't know so well.

:namaste:
Kim
User avatar
Kim OHara
 
Posts: 3004
Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:47 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: Clinging to Like-minded individuals or Relatives

Postby alan » Mon Mar 03, 2014 1:51 am

Good one, Kim!

r_b, you're asking probing questions, which is a sign of intelligence. I like that.
As for your question, Arahants by definition can't be deluded. Also, "self-imposed" is an awkward phrase, not sure what you mean by that.
alan
 
Posts: 2514
Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2009 12:14 am
Location: Miramar beach, Fl.


Return to Open Dhamma

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: alan and 10 guests

cron