Mehdi wrote:Jeez Brother. you broke all my teeth with a single knock-out. :-/
Not so much a knock-out blow as a good.thwack with a Keisaku...
....As I said, I really tried to bring this to an end many times but I failed because of my empathy to her sadness. you forgot to point that out. This time I will try to stand firm. She is not feeling well at all, and I am worried of her staying alone. I felt trapped in some way.
Staying with someone out of a sense of pity, sympathy or emotional obligation is founded in Wrong View, attachment and Ego.
You stay with her for the reasons you mention, sure; but there is a 'payoff' - and that payoff is sex.
So your motivé is not selfless or altruistic. You stay with her because part of the relationship suits you.
Shed this aspect; and be Mindful that staying with her for the reasons you cite, is less worthy than doing the right thing.
...Just before I take back my job, I spent a whole year living with 50$ a week
I currently live on about £10.00/week, and make do with the kindness of good friends..
I have been seeking work for over a year, and it seems my age is against me. I will never own my own home, or be able to rent an abode privately ; sadly, I do not have what it takes to qualify for local authority homing, so I can see no immediate solution to my,'homeless' issue.
You will never hear me complain, or decry my situation save for the inconvenience it may afford my friends. So far, they have been angels on earth....
Now, in the style of the Sona Sutta....
Now, I will pick up my broken teeth from the floor and ask you, in a humble way : What should I do ? Concretely ? Which steps to take now ?
Split with your current girlfriend.
Apply yourself to your job, using every tedious opportunity as a means to Meditate.
Thich Naht Hahn gives very good instructions on how to consider even the most mundane of tasks a wonderful opportunity to be Mindful....
I am working all I can on sensual pleasures, "god" is my witness. I did not mention it, but I was abstinent for 3 years, once. My choice. Waiting for "the right person"...
I have been abstinent now for 15 years and I am not ordained or a Monastic. It's the way matters have panned out and evolved. Please know: countless opportunities to indulge in sensual pleasures have presented themselves to me. I simply have never chosen to grasp them....
I asked my Vipassana teacher a while ago during a ten day retreat about this. And he told me that sensual desire would fall by itself like a rotten fruit. As long as I kept meditating diligently. Which I did. I'm still waiting, or doing something wrong, obviously.
Well, if you have sex with the girl every time you see her, you are just ripping the stitches out of the wound, aren't you?
But I keep working on it. (Feels so unnatural though...)
If you enjoy sex and wish to continue having sex, then do so. But with the right person. There's nothing wrong with sex or having sensual desires, as a layperson. But indulge Mindfully and skilfully
Should I consider leaving the lay life once and for all after paying out my debt ?
Only if that's really, really what you want to do...
What about my job ? Keep it and be grateful for it or leave it for something more fulfilling ?
Why not both? Do the first while striving for the second....
(I know the answers are mine to give, but still asking...)....Besides, I've been studying all this alone for a couple of years now, and I am completely self-taught (just did a couple of retreats). But I have no guide, no one to show me the Path. I don't think reading books is enough, practicing alone is so difficult. You see : I've been doing all this stuff for years, and a single post on this forum gave me such valuable feedback I would never had alone, you see my point ? So i welcome every advice to cultivate Dhamma more efficiently or to find someone to guide me into this so I can take the right steps and do the right moves.
Hopefully such interaction with many members here will help you put things into perspective.
Much Metta to you.