I feel those people you mentioned aren't blinded by their suffering; they haven't suffered enough to look for a meaningful way to cease the suffering. The way I think of it is if a house with enjoyable things were filling with smoke; if the smoke was bearable (enough sensual pleasures to offset the dissatisfaction, the mental inability to discern the cause and effect of their actions), the people would be willing to stay and bear it and not want to leave, and a lot of things can be pleasurable even if they are transitory, like sex, love, family, friends, food, drugs, praise, status, beauty, ect. (I've been to the bar many times, and have seen friends who have gotten punched in the face, thrown up, feet hurting, still wanting to stay, drink, and dance, and I can't convince them to leave). It's only when the smoke has really seeped into your lungs and keeps you from breathing that you realize none of the pleasures, no matter how refined and exquisite, aren't getting rid of the smoke, and it isn't worth staying in the house, THEN you look for an escape.
For your first question, you aren't required to pass the message. If you want to pass the message because you don't like seeing people suffer, or you enjoy talking about it or teaching, that's a craving that will bother you no matter how many people you help - it's a problem you have to deal with yourself that no amount of doing things outside yourself will change. Compassion isn't to guilt you into helping people, compassion is the realization that everyone is looking to be happy just like you, and you're willing to help them because it will benefit both you, the other person, and all those that come in contact with the two of you, i.e. it's harmless and beneficial to all beings. But you can't force someone to give something up, it's up to them to maintain themselves and to practice, and they won't do that until they are ready. The most compassionate thing you can do is be willing to be there when they reach that point of dissatisfaction with everything they do, and look and see you are the only person in this burning house of smoke not coughing and suffering, and as someone who is starving looks and asks questions of a man who looks healthy and well fed how he does it, they will look to you for guidance.
For your second question, being a lay practitioner is difficult, because you want to work for your own true and meaningful happiness, but you want to maintain the things you have now without discomfort. The issue is that the attachment to the opinions of others, the concern with praise and blame, rejection and acceptance, is going to guide your actions, and you can't go in two directions in the same time. This is why its hard to be a lay person; you want to cease craving to the five clinging aggregates while at the same time craving for them to be a certain way, through having people accept you or be willing to support you. I heard Thanissaro Bhikkhu say, "Nobody paid you to be born," and that's an important point. It's not your responsibility to make or convince these people to respect or like you; mother, father, family, significant other, friends, aquantiances, strangers, no one. Your responsibility is to take care of yourself, because you are the author of your own kamma (as they are of theirs even if they don't realize it), which means it is your duty to yourself to realize loving-kindness towards them because they look for happiness as you do, and you do this for your own benefit as an antidote to your own ill-will, no one elses. This is why you are loving, caring, compassionate, respectful, considerate and appreciative to people, because that loving kindness is the only way to stop your own craving aspects of ill-will, of craving form, feeling, perception, and mental formations to be different than they are right now, and it's harmless and beneficial to all beings including yourself which is a nice bonus and helpful in maintaining the practice.
Basically, the short of it is this: if you are bothered by other peoples suffering and you crave to help them or teach them because you don't want to see or be around suffering, that's a problem with you and no one else, and you will need to deal with that first before you can share with those wanting, willing and ready to listen and ask you about the healing powers of ceasing craving. If people don't like you, that's their problem. If you don't like the fact that people don't like you, that's your problem.
Best of luck to you in your personal practice, metta.