Mothra wrote:I've spent so many years following lust, anger and wrong views. Even when I read the Dhamma, still I can't sleep, still I focus on pain and discomfort, feel lust, fear and irritation all day. When in the midst of physical pain, discomfort, worry and stress, how does one still concentrate on the Dhamma? How do you cement it in your mind if it is not taking root just by reading? I feel a very deep hopelessness. Just as I've failed at almost everything in my life, I fear I will fail to follow the Buddha's teaching, and continue to reap suffering brought on by wrong views, thoughts, actions etc.
altar wrote:There are some good meditation instructions on youtube. Search Ajahn Jayasaro meditation; and vsubhuti meditation.
Also some western monasteries have dhamma talks on their webpages you may want to listen to. They are not always meditation talks but reflective talks.
Mothra wrote:Thank you for the replies. Meditation is still completely alien to me. I've tried it on my own at various times and only felt frustrated. I'm sure working with a teacher would help, but the only Theravada I've found near me is a Vispassana retreat that costs almost $500. I might email them and ask if there are cheaper sessions or groups that meet. In the mean time would skipping to the Meditation section of "In The Buddha's Words" be a good starting point? I always feel guilty skipping ahead in a book. I have a book by Thich Naht Hanh and his style feels off putting to me, so I'm hesitant to begin with him.
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