MayaRefugee wrote:The charioteer is asking these questions, he wants to know wether he should hook the horses up to the chariot and if he should then he also wants to know which direction he should point the horses in and wether or not he should whip them into action - as far as he can tell things are fine how they are at the moment and their is no pressing need to hook the horses up and go somewhere or make the situation become something else, all reports from the top seem to share this sentiment as well. The charioteer suspects and openly admits that the remnants of past mental formations could be clouding his perceptions and stopping him from making certain realizations.
BTW, I don't see how giving due consideration to the wisdom of the Buddhas perceptions is pretending to be enlightened - if you think he has put into words something that is true are you suposed to ignore it or deny it's validity - what good are teachings if not used as "teachings"?
I'm guessing the issue is that you have too much time on your hands and are wondering what to do with it.
Before I was married and had children I also came to a point where I was feeling much as you do, where I had realised that there was nothing worth pursuing out there, nothing that was going to satisfy, but I still wasn't prepared to commit to full time practice either.
Since being married and had children I don't think that feeling has changed but what has changed is that I have no idle time on my hands, I struggle to find time to do all the things I have to do let alone the things I want to do. I have no time to idle away except maybe half an hour a day on dhammawheel and my practice is more oriented towards moment to moment mindfulness rather than formal retreats, I crave my one retreat a year when in the past I could do retreats for months on end.
Anyway, I'm not sure if this is helping but hopefully it may give some perspective.