I am tired

[Pebble]

Thanks all for replying, I do indeed have depression...very aware of it
Book was suggested to me "The mindful way through Depression" where the authors describe exactly how depression works and why we get depressed...and indeed Rumination is the main cause of depression...I remember spending each and every day trying to think and figure out how to overcome my depression, little did I know that It was sinking me deeper and deeper as I learned from the book
I have discovered the root of my Rumination, and that is Fear/Anxiety...each Rumination process begins with being afraid of future, fear of being alone, etc...and indeed my Anxiety gets really bad, I remember always being sick before something important like a job interview or going on dates...that sickness and anxiety quickly leads to rumination which in turn leads to my addictions as a form of escape (smoking/drinking/video games etc.)

lately I have been able to catch my self thinking and try to divert my thinking to either positive thoughts or to not think at all...kind of force my self..and that could be because of greater mindfulness that I have been practicing(not as much as I should)

I must come in defense of Moth...I am here because I seek an alternative to medication

[Fede]

Much of Moth's counsel, advice and contribution was sound.
Some was not. it was misguided, dangerous and ill-conceived.
That was my sole issue. The unqualified dismissal of professional support, which for many might well be completely the wrong advice.

That being said, Moth has apologised, which takes both courage and humility.

I guess Moth's not all that bad then......

I'm personally delighted that you have come thus far though.
small steps have given you great progress.

[alan]

Get out in the sun, do some yoga, exercise. And then stop bitching.

[5heaps]

Get out in the sun, do some yoga, exercise. And then stop bitching.

and then you will have achieved the illusion of having done something

[alan]

Define illusion in this context please.

[manas]

The mind attached to thinking is a prison. I know, I've been there all morning.

The only way I know to get out of this prison is mindfulness. To be fully present with what you are doing right now requires not ruminating. You can't both have a thought, and be fully in the present with the five-sense-world around you, at the same time. (You can however have mindful awareness of thoughts arising and fading away, which is good also).

I'm off to sit and breathe for a while. It is the only way out of prison I know of. Stuck in thoughts of past and future creates GREAT suffering for me. Time for some 'time out' - literally letting go of time by not holding it in my awareness, allowing the breath alone to fill my awareness.

Some people get more sukha than I in this life, some get more dukkha than I. But the lot of us have the same problem - we identify with our states of mind, whether sweet or bitter, and our identification is bondage.

These are the humble thoughts of a worldling who, through just a few glimpses of the sublime Dhamma, has just enough conviction to keep going.

[5heaps]

Define illusion in this context please.

illusion means it looks like its there whereas actually its either 1. not there at all or 2. not there the way it seems to be there

"having done something" looks like its there but its not there at all.

[alan]

That is total nonsense.

[5heaps]

That is total nonsense.

if it were not an illusion and something was done, a change in circumstance should not be able to inspire that which was overcome (ie. that about which "something was done").

since it does, you cant say that the slightest thing was done. you can however say that nothing was done, aka the achievement of the illusion of something being done.

[Kenshou]

Huh?

[Shonin]

...I have discovered the root of my Rumination, and that is Fear/Anxiety...each Rumination process begins with being afraid of future, fear of being alone, etc...and indeed my Anxiety gets really bad, I remember always being sick before something important like a job interview or going on dates...that sickness and anxiety quickly leads to rumination which in turn leads to my addictions as a form of escape (smoking/drinking/video games etc.) ...

Well done Pebble. Sounds like you have valuable insight already. You might also find some benefit in excercise and getting out (even when you don't feel like it). Be gentle and patient with yourself. Best wishes.

[shjohnk]

The quickest cure I've found for depression is Metta meditation and just developing Metta in general. This is because it takes us out of our self-concerned mindset and humbles us. Simplify your life. Simplify your desires. Without selfish thought, there is no basis for depression. The more you cultivate this mentality the more life takes on a childlike simplicity. After awhile things wont seem so serious anymore, the thoughts and problems you once felt were important will seem silly in retrospect. Just remember that every being on this planet is suffering. You are not alone. Suffering is the first noble truth.

Great post