EmmaMicaela wrote:I have a little girl. If I am to be dispassionate
I am only young, so I know little of what it is like to be a parent, but I am still on the recieving end of a mother's love - so maybe I can offer a little advice here.
Let go of dispassion, first of all. Imagine the idea of dispassion to be a heavy stone that you're holding in your hand, so save yourself the stress and put it down. Release it. Feel the freedom of giving up on dispassion.
EmmaMicaela wrote:I need to be engaged
Here is the problem.
When you hear "I need to be this, I need to be that"
This is clinging. You're trying to be something that is not what is
right at this moment. Suffering likes to tag along behind this "I need, I need, I need"
It's important for you to care for your daughter the best way a mother can. Instead of trying to change the way things are in your head, just try to observe what's going on. Observe the voice inside which says: "I need I need I need"
When you see it, you're no longer caught up in these thoughts, when you're no longer caught up, you're not suffering so much.
It's important to develop calm, without some degree of calm we cannot see these thoughts arise and fall away, we just get caught up in them and so the cycle of suffering continues.
So when you've next got 5 or 10 minutes - sit down, and just watch the breath. Focus on it, did your Mum ever tell you to "STOP and take 3 deep breaths!" It's a bit like that... You just drop everything you're doing and watch the breath. Naturally the mind goes wandering off to all your worldly concerns - That's natural. So you bring the mind gently back to the breath. You can count the breaths if you like - This helps. Mind goes wandering again, thinking about your daughter, the supermarket, your family, friends, what you had for dinner last night - what you'll have for dinner tonight! That's ok, just bring it gently back to the breath. If you keep gently watching the breath - in a comfortable position, you'll start to feel a greater sense of calm arise.
This calm is your working ground, it gives you the right space - The right head space, to see what's going on in your mind.
Before you can start looking at your attachments to your daughter, you'll need a good degree of calm.
When you get calm enough
you will see that a Mother's love for her daughter, and clinging/attachment - Are two very different things.
Wishing you the very best