Please read...Guidelines for the Discovering Theravada forumviewtopic.php?f=24&t=9992
Topics of this ilk do not really belong in the Discovering Theravada forum, which is geared towards allowing newcomers to Buddhism (or newcomers to Theravada) to ask questions.
As it's not really intended for general musings of the type contained in your posting, please think more closely about which sub-forum you post your topics in.
In that context, consider also...A guide on how to get the most out of your new topicsviewtopic.php?f=8&t=8784
If you require any assistance or are confused about what is being asked of you, please contact either myself or a moderator.