Tranquility Base wrote:This is going to be a strange post I think. I really don't know where to start, but you are the right persons to bring this thought to.
As a young teenager, and young adult, i was very very much in control of my emotions. A very logical person, very much like the things I see Buddhists striving for. It came to me through trying (mental) times as a young teenager. I 'learned' how to control my thoughts and emotions out of sheer neccessity, survival if you will; in a household that was in not any way understanding my thoughts. I am not talking about teenage uproar. I was always a deep minded child, and at an age most kids were throwing dirt at one another, I was sitting in the libraries reading factual type books. not a normal child in the least. i have always questioned the universe and it's beings. for this, i was singled out. I did not really mind, as i always had a spine of my own and did not follow the crowd. Really.
Now to my question. As an adult, now 50, i have seemed to lose my way. Everyday needs and stresses have seemed to cloud my path. I have an elder parent who demands constant attention, and an husband who needs help in all of his business. I get up around 5:00 am every morning just to have an hour or two to myself for my studies. But i can't seem to 'clear my mind' the way I did as a child. My inner core has not changed. I still feel the same precepts I did as a child, I've just 'forgotten' how to access them. Meditation is impossible at this point, at least in full fledged physical aspect, so that won't help. Too much going on here (rebuilding a house, building materials everywhere, controlled chaos if you will) Am I asking too much too soon? I am not looking for a shortcut, just a peep into the light of the closed doorway, to give me hope and purpose to perhaps regain what I so clearly understood as a child. any suggestions from the community would be appreciated.
kirk5a wrote:Well you have an hour or two each day to yourself and a place to sit. So how can meditation be "impossible" when that's all that's required? Maybe you are actually looking for a shortcut.
Tranquility Base wrote:To kirk5a whom had mentioned 'procrastinatiom....' (ie 'shortcut') Absolutely not,' I am known for starting fires under all's butt's (including my own) so fast they can't even get coffee down before day's projects get started. I also don't mind taking my time while learning a faith, and am one of those who have 3 or 4 reference books out while trying to interpret one main book, I love to study. But since already feeling the right way as a child, I think it frustrates me, that's for sure. TY for the thought though. I know that you do not know me and were only trying to help me think of what could help me to get to that special place.
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