Tranquility Base wrote:This is going to be a strange post I think. I really don't know where to start, but you are the right persons to bring this thought to.
As a young teenager, and young adult, i was very very much in control of my emotions. A very logical person, very much like the things I see Buddhists striving for. It came to me through trying (mental) times as a young teenager. I 'learned' how to control my thoughts and emotions out of sheer neccessity, survival if you will; in a household that was in not any way understanding my thoughts. I am not talking about teenage uproar. I was always a deep minded child, and at an age most kids were throwing dirt at one another, I was sitting in the libraries reading factual type books. not a normal child in the least. i have always questioned the universe and it's beings. for this, i was singled out. I did not really mind, as i always had a spine of my own and did not follow the crowd. Really.
Now to my question. As an adult, now 50, i have seemed to lose my way. Everyday needs and stresses have seemed to cloud my path. I have an elder parent who demands constant attention, and an husband who needs help in all of his business. I get up around 5:00 am every morning just to have an hour or two to myself for my studies. But i can't seem to 'clear my mind' the way I did as a child. My inner core has not changed. I still feel the same precepts I did as a child, I've just 'forgotten' how to access them. Meditation is impossible at this point, at least in full fledged physical aspect, so that won't help. Too much going on here (rebuilding a house, building materials everywhere, controlled chaos if you will) Am I asking too much too soon? I am not looking for a shortcut, just a peep into the light of the closed doorway, to give me hope and purpose to perhaps regain what I so clearly understood as a child. any suggestions from the community would be appreciated.
Hi Tranquility Best, greetings from another 50 year older. I think everyone has different hindrances to the practice and different accumulated tendencies, so its hard to know what to say. I'm a big believer in exercise, that it does wonders for clearing out cobwebs so we can suddenly see things clearly. Of course that's what meditation does, eventually, but to get things going, how about using 30 or 40 minutes of that wonderful quiet morning time to go out for a fast walk, get the blood going, note where the mind goes, keep bringing it back to the walking feet as meditation object, sense how there is a building challenge to and gentle reigning in of the minds tendency to churn and burn on this and that. (I heard a great Dhamma talk once about how we rest our bodies, but never rest our minds, and they become like tea bags with all the tea used up.) As you walk, you can also practice wishing well to all the people you come across, all of them, no sweet loving feelings, just a brief recognition that everyone we come across is here because of having good kamma in the past, we're all worthy beings going through a hard time to fulfill our precious human birth. It kind of opens up the mind's pores and lets it breathe in a warm way... You can also do a meditation on the elements as you walk, the earth element of your feet and the solid ground, the wind element of your breath, the fire element of the different aspects of temperature you feel as you warm up or get cold, the water element, well, that's not as easy to perceive for me, but reflection on the elements gives us a nice little foretaste of letting go of self, de-identification.
Anyways, I think walking - fast - is great.
That's my 50 cents...