Moderator: mikenz66
mikenz66 wrote:AN 5.161 How to Remove Grudges
Translated by Nyanaponika Thera and Bhikkhu Bodhi
http://www.bps.lk/olib/wh/wh208-u.html# ... oveGrudges
There are, O monks, five ways of getting rid of a grudge, by means of which a monk can remove all grudges that have arisen within him. What five?
If a grudge arises towards any person, then one should cultivate loving-kindness towards him … or compassion … or equanimity. [26] In that way one can remove the grudge towards that person.
Or one should pay no attention to him and give no thought to him. In that way one can remove the grudge.
Or one may apply to that person the fact of ownership of kamma: “This worthy person is the owner of his actions, the heir of his actions; his actions are the womb (from which he has sprung), his relations, and his protection. Whatever he does, good or bad, he will be heir to that.”
These are the five ways of getting rid of a grudge, by means of which a monk can remove all grudges that have arisen within him.
[26] These are the first, second and fourth of the four divine abodes (brahma-vihāra). According to the Commentary, the third abode, altruistic joy, is not mentioned here because it is difficult to practise it towards those against whom one has a grudge.
This should be easy....The forgetting and ignoring of a person with whom you are annoyed can be practiced; this too is how annoyance with him can be removed.

plwk wrote:This should be easy....The forgetting and ignoring of a person with whom you are annoyed can be practiced; this too is how annoyance with him can be removed.
Or one may apply to that person the fact of ownership of kamma: “This worthy person is the owner of his actions, the heir of his actions; his actions are the womb (from which he has sprung), his relations, and his protection. Whatever he does, good or bad, he will be heir to that.”
(UPEKKHĀ — EQUANIMITY)
Sabbe sattā kammassakā kamma-dāyādā kamma-yonī kamma-bandhū kamma-paṭisaraṇā.
All living beings are the owners of their actions, heir to their actions, born of their actions, related through their actions, and live dependent on their actions.
Yaṃ kammaṃ karissanti kalyāṇaṃ vā pāpakaṃ vā tassa dāyādā bhavissanti.
Whatever they do, for good or for evil, to that will they fall heir.
96. Equanimity is characterized as promoting the aspect of neutrality towards
beings. Its function is to see equality in beings. It is manifested as the quieting of
resentment and approval. Its proximate cause is seeing ownership of deeds
(kamma) thus: “Beings are owners of their deeds. Whose [if not theirs] is the
choice by which they will become happy, or will get free from suffering, or will
not fall away from the success they have reached?” It succeeds when it makes
resentment and approval subside, and it fails when it produces the equanimity
of unknowing, which is that [worldly-minded indifference of ignorance] based
on the house life.
mikenz66 wrote:Hmm, I never thought of telling people I was developing metta towards them...![]()
Regarding method #5 and equanimity, I guess the positive spin would be concentrating on the idea that the current annoying actions are just based on conditioning, rather than that the current actions will get the person "into trouble".
Sariputta wrote:'O that this man should abandon wrong bodily conduct and develop right bodily conduct, abandon wrong verbal conduct and develop right verbal conduct, abandon wrong mental conduct and develop right mental conduct. Why is that? So that, on the break-up of the body, after death, he won't fall into the plane of deprivation, the bad destination, the lower realms, purgatory.' Thus the hatred for him should be subdued.
dhammapal wrote:Hi,
I have a difficult relationship with my brother's wife. She is a Fundamentalist Christian. If I told her I was sending her Buddhist metta she would want me to leave her alone. So equanimity is a win-win.
With metta / dhammapal.
http://www.bps.lk/olib/wh/wh208-u.html#13.HowtoRemoveGrudges
4. Or one should pay no attention to him and give no thought to him. In that way one can remove the grudge.
Sariputta wrote:"Now as for a person who is impure in his bodily behavior but pure in his verbal behavior, how should one subdue hatred for him? Just as when a monk who makes use of things that are thrown away sees a rag in the road: Taking hold of it with his left foot and spreading it out with his right, he would tear off the sound part and go off with it. ...
Sariputta wrote:"And as for a person who is impure in his bodily behavior & verbal behavior, but who periodically experiences mental clarity & calm, how should one subdue hatred for him? Just as when there is a little puddle in a cow's footprint, and a person comes along, burning with heat, covered with sweat, exhausted, trembling, & thirsty. The thought would occur to him, 'Here is this little puddle in a cow's footprint. If I tried to drink the water using my hand or cup, I would disturb it, stir it up, & make it unfit to drink. What if I were to get down on all fours and slurp it up like a cow, and then go on my way?'
So he would get down on all fours, slurp up the water like a cow, and then go on his way. In the same way, when an individual is impure in his bodily behavior & verbal behavior, but periodically experiences mental clarity & calm, one should at that time pay no attention to the impurity of his bodily behavior...the impurity of his verbal behavior, and instead pay attention to the fact that he periodically experiences mental clarity & calm. Thus the hatred for him should be subdued.
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