Thanks again everyone for the prayers and support.
The History of my problems:
For those who haven't read the whole thread or just a refresher for those who don't remember it all. I was found to need quadruple bypass surgery on June 7th and the cardiologist wanted it performed in 2 weeks. I was told i had a silent heart attack somewhere in the past and had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure a few months earlier. I met with the heart surgeon who was concerned about my kidney functioning which was down. This led to visits with a kidney specialist. While there he discovered i had asthmatic bronchitus and pneumonia. Even with antibiotics they couldn't seem to get me well and i ended up in the hospital for a few days receiving intraveous IVs and they drained my pleural cavity which was filled with fluid.
Since then, even though I have been diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease, the numbers have stabilized and the kidney doctor cleared me for surgery. However, now i have a pulmonary doctor and after going through testing and x-rays, they had to drain me again.
The Current Situation
I saw the pulmonary doctor on Wednesday. My sister met me there and between the two of us we knew we would ask some hard questions as there is still no surgery in sight and we all have been feeling that we're just spinning our wheels. The doctor answered as honestly as he could and it was a lot to take in.
I am a time bomb. Yes, he really dis say that lol. He said that he couldn't "clear" me for surgery but just assess the risks. My respiratory function is down. They prefer not to do surgery on anyone under a 1 and they definitely won't do it on anyone lower than a .75. Right now, i am a .83. At some point, he wants to do more testing, i believe. I'm sorry but it is something of a blur. One of the concerns is that if they did the surgery i would end up permanently on a respirator. Personally, I won't have the surgery done if they the risk of it being permanent is high and i don't think they will do the surgery either. He sent me for more x-rays afterwards and it showed that there was more pleural effusion (fluid in the pleural cavity) but that it wasn't as bad as last time. At this point, no one has called to say that they want to drain me again and so they may wait to see how it goes. We came away feeling that there is no real answer at the moment, but it looks slimmer that they will be able to do the operation. He didn't seem totally hopeless though.
Just a few minutes ago i did get a phone call from the heart surgeon's office. Apparently, the pulmonary doctor spoke to him and the heart surgeon is going to have me in (on Sept 12) to assess the recent tests. I don't have a good feeling about this. I hope i am wrong.
Even though i am somewhat weaker than i use to be, i feel stronger than i think many people feel. I don't look feeble or fragile. Some people say my voice is strong. I will be 58 in a few months. I try to remind myself even strong people can die. My grandfather died while working in the fields.
If traditional medicine gives up on me, i will try some alternatives and am already starting to think about changing my diet more. I am getting close to a point where i have nothing to lose. I meditate daily, but i plan to try to meditate more. The hardest part was calling my son to tell him the latest news which i did this morning.
There you have it. I want to use a smilie or something to make this lighter
or appear wise
"Let's go out in a blaze of glory. All good things must end"
Really, it just is what it is. We do what we can under difficult situations and try not to push away or embrace, try not to give up or to fight at all costs. It is always the middle ground, isn't it?