Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Discussion of ordination, the Vinaya and monastic life. How and where to ordain? Bhikkhuni ordination etc.
User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby DAWN » Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:34 am

Hello everyone,

I would like to ask you some question about one situation.

Since 1 or 2 years I preparing myself to ordination, 1 meal a day etc etc. My mother seems to be agree.
But this weekand, when i come to my family, my mother and brother, before i leaving, i see my mother crying, she said me that all time (twice a mounth) when i leave the familial home, she cryes. She cryes because she feel very peacefull when i am near, and she said that my brother missing me to...

She tell me that she dont know how the family will leave if i go forth, if i will ordain, and sje said me that if i want i can still at home, live a bhikkhu life or everythink that i want to do ! But just be near to family...

So i would like to ask you what is better for practice and harmony:
- to ordain in a monastery, not be disturbed by internet, world news, and other, live a very simple life; but see my family suffering
or
- to ordain (or not ordain but live a bhikkhu live, guided by patimokkha) and live at home, in city, on the bad of my family, have a risk to be disturbed by internet, world news, modern peoples and friends incomprehention, critucising etc etc; but practicing solo on my own and see my family in peace.

Personaly i dont know how to do.
-I know that in monastery my practice will be more complet, and i feel guilty that i dont feel sad when my mother cryes
-but i know that my mother offered me the best life, so i cant allow to myself to let my familly alone, but i know that the practice can be disturbed and influenced, also i dont want become a "propriety" of my mothers ego...

Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu", it's a noun of this topic.
Last edited by DAWN on Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...

User avatar
Ben
Posts: 18442
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby Ben » Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:59 am

Hi Dawn,
There is no guarantee that monastic life will be as you expect it. You could very well end up in a situation where you continue to be at the mercy of unwanted distractions of various forms and the idyllic simple life you had envisioned may remain an unfulfilled fantasy.
Before you ordain you will need to also consider your family's view on your proposed going forth and your ongoing obligation to your family members. If you do decide to ordain - it should be unencumbered from any kind of debt (whether it be financial or intangible).
There are very many people who live very fulfilling lives as lay people. You may just find that you might have more opportunity for serious practice as a lay person than as a bhikkhu.
Whatever you decide and whatever you do - I wish you the very best.
kind regards,

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

User avatar
James the Giant
Posts: 792
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 6:41 am

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby James the Giant » Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:12 am

My monk friend warned me of this very thing, of Mara attacking in the guise of friends and family not wanting you to go.
If you decide to stay at home you will be soon sucked back to the worldly world. I would not even consider it.
A monastery is the place for a monk.
Householder 5 or 8 precept lay-life is praiseworthy, but the Buddha praised highly those who went forth.
Then,
saturated with joy,
you will put an end to suffering and stress.

User avatar
Hanzze
Posts: 1906
Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 12:47 pm
Location: Cambodia

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby Hanzze » Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:28 am

Give you and your family time without loosing the way. Things change as well as understanding. When leaving, do not take anything with you. Compromisses are never good, to change the way is one thing, to walk two hurts. The branch will come and then it is time.

As for the question "Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"" neither. Simply Bhikkhu.

Much mudita!
Just that! *smile*


BUT! it is important to become a real Buddhist first. Like Punna did: Nate sante baram sokham _()_

User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby DAWN » Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:59 am

Thanks you all !

If monastic life can brings me more calm and more of present moment, i will not be disappointed.

I will try to explain to my mother that it's not she who cryes, but she's ego. That, being conditioned by my presence, she's ego becomes instable without condition, so that absebce of stability of she's personality makes she crying, and so she must find the stability in she's own heart.

Or trying to explain that offer she's son to The Sangha, is the best that she can do in this life.

I will try.

Thanks you all, one more time. Your words are presious to me.
Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...

User avatar
Ben
Posts: 18442
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby Ben » Sun Sep 09, 2012 12:17 pm

“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby DAWN » Sun Sep 09, 2012 12:47 pm

Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...

User avatar
Goofaholix
Posts: 2928
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:49 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby Goofaholix » Sun Sep 09, 2012 7:55 pm

There is no such thing as a "Home Bhikkhu" in the way you describe it.

New Bhikkhus are supposed to live under dependance of their teacher for the first 5 years and I think it's pretty unlikely you'll be allowed to live with your family on an ongoing basis during that time unless you need to care for a sick relative.

After 5 years you'll have more choice about how and where you live but there are rules to observe that make it difficult, like not sleeping under the same roof as women etc.

User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby DAWN » Sun Sep 09, 2012 8:07 pm

Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...

User avatar
Goofaholix
Posts: 2928
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:49 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby Goofaholix » Sun Sep 09, 2012 8:35 pm


User avatar
Cittasanto
Posts: 6524
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 10:31 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin
Contact:

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby Cittasanto » Sun Sep 09, 2012 8:43 pm

Firstly your parents have to agree. although I don't think it invalidates the ordination it isn't a honest start (assuming you know they are not in agreement). it is best to ask them, talk with them, and this way both you and your mother can come to understand each others points of view. Don't talk to them from some high minded dhamma, just as a son to their parents.

it is best not to call it a home Bhikkhu as it is not a bhikkhu. there are other forms of renunciant in buddhism who are not Bhikkhus and do not call themselves Bhikkhus. they are what they are Ardent followers of the Dhamma, nothing more or less, and taking on bhikkhu precepts does not change anything.

There are duties the world demands of us, and although the homeless life is conductive, it is not the best fit for some people for a variety of reasons. do remember that it is not the form you live that is important but how you live that is important.


He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby DAWN » Sun Sep 09, 2012 8:54 pm

Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...

User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby DAWN » Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:02 pm

Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...

User avatar
Cittasanto
Posts: 6524
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 10:31 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin
Contact:

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby Cittasanto » Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:12 pm



He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby DAWN » Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:48 pm

Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...

santa100
Posts: 2673
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:55 pm

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby santa100 » Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:36 am

There're a couple things to keep in mind, like whether your family is financially dependent on you at the moment, or you have old and disabled parents (or lonely old parent) who need help, or you have financial debts that haven't been cleared, or you're under 18 years of age. If you're in any of those situations, then it probably wouldn't be a good idea to ordain right away. If you're older than 18 and your family is financially stable, then you're a grown adult and you can decide whatever is best for your life. Best wishes..

User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby DAWN » Mon Sep 10, 2012 7:05 am

Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...

User avatar
Hanzze
Posts: 1906
Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 12:47 pm
Location: Cambodia

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby Hanzze » Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:54 am

Maybe it's good to add something what was meant by "just Bhikkhu".

Thought dressed in gay and festive clothes, if he practices an even mind, if his passions are subdued, if his senses are controlled, if he is confirmed in the four Path, if he permanently observes conduct that is chaste and pure, that person is a recluse (samana), he is an ariya (brahmana), he is a Bhikkhu.

Dhp 142
Just that! *smile*


BUT! it is important to become a real Buddhist first. Like Punna did: Nate sante baram sokham _()_

User avatar
puppha
Posts: 160
Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2011 8:56 pm
Location: London, UK

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby puppha » Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:34 pm

Dear Dawn,

Just a little comment.

I don't know how old you are, but I think whatever route you choose, it is not healthy to stay with your parents.
At some point, every child must leave the parents' nest and fly for themselves. That's difficult for both the parents and the child, but it is definitely necessary.

Staying as a 'home monk' and living off your parents looks like a very unhealthy option to me and I think it will cause a lot of tension and suffering. Of course I don't know the whole story, but maybe that can give a view from a different angle...

Metta

User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Monastic Bhikkhu or "Home Bhikkhu"

Postby DAWN » Mon Sep 10, 2012 4:58 pm

Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...


Return to “Ordination and Monastic Life”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 21 guests

Google Saffron, Theravada Search Engine