Well, there are two things holding me back for ordination:
1. I have a girlfriend, and she is a buddhist too. She was catolic, I changed all her way of life and she really loves me, from the bottom of her heart. It is like a duty to me be with her, cause I don't want her to suffer.
2. I have to finish the Bachaelor of Laws. I made promise to my mother that it would be done. (2 years to finish it, its a 6 years course). Before I meet buddhism, my job made me ingaged in politics and laws things, thats why I need to finish. In Brazil a diplom (Academic Title) is very imporant for ordinary people and my mother would be proud if her son have one. You know... I just want to give a little happy to her. So the mission will be acomplished.
The place were I work is ok, I just need to quit. I also work in a filantropic sector, we take care of 200 childrens.
The real problem is the girlfriend, I think she will be deluded and depressed, you know, I'm on an airplaine going to Thailand to ordain and her in that state... It's kind of selfish, because she supported every decision that I made.
I currently frequent a Vajrayana Center (Chagdud Gompa), because there is no Theravadin center here. So I have a interview with the responsable Lama and he told to go to Thailand and he asked my girlfriend what she thinked about that, and the answer was that She loves me and support my decision but she would be very unhappy/sad.
Actually that interview occured because I had seven strange dreams.
1 - A very old man, dressed in white, he was in a forest, and told this: "The wisdom is in your heart".
2 - The symbol ying-yang surronded with yellow, red, green and blue colors, came to me from the space and said: "You need to have compassion for the beings."
3 - The vision is that I was in a persian palace, with golden walls and plants in it, a very beautifull arcteture. I could see a women in the right side of the place and in the left side of the place I could see a great tomb. I keeped change the focus of the view in both of them, but I turned the focus later on the tumb, and the I feeled that the tomb carried my body.
4 - I was walking with my girlfriend over the ocean and a great wave come ingulfing us, so I managed to the top again but my girlfriend didn't, I find my self in front of a great security island, a man and a women welcomed me.
5 - I have no body, only vision, all I see was white light and the body that I posses was in the middle of that light moving in pure ecstasy with open arms from side to side, with no destiny, just felling the ecstasy.
6 - I was in space, the planet Earth was in front of me like a soccer ball. First, I hitted it with my left indicator finger, Second with the right indicator finger, third with the left indicator finger, so I decided to make more effort, so my right arm made a position of a 'sword to slash' and my body disappeared , in that moment I was the bodhisatta Manjushri. Finally with the flaming sword I could cut the Planet Earth in two, in the fourth attempt.
7 - I was in a copper colored mountain meditating and a Circle of fire arose around me. Then many Budas in yellow, red, green and Blue colors come emiting light to me.
I also want for a spiritist medium, and he sent me a message:
"Destinated to discover new truths, you will have to fight to contemplate the beautiful from what you realise'.
My mother and father went to a spiritist vident, because father was with alergic ill, and the man said to my mother:
"Don't worry for your son.
You have to be very pround, because you gave birth to a great being of light.
He was born here to help humans from the great climatic changes that will occur in the near future,
especially the people from asia. Thats why he was born here.
He alredy passed in the disciple of the body, (Actually I was an athlete for 8 years)
now he is passing in the discipline of the mind.
Maybe he will go to another country seeking for great masters,
but in due time he will return.
I can see him teaching in another language."
Then my mother asked him: "I will have grandchildren?"
The man said: "If you don't have, adopt them!"
"Tell him that he can benefit much more people if he don't only follow the spiritual life
This country need beings like him.
I would have a great pleasure to meet your son. Bring him here to talk to me".
Actually, I didn't go there and I think my mother give informations, without percepet, about me that made the man saying this things.
The good Lama, didn't tell me the significance of the dreams. He only told that in due time I will know it, thats why he didn't want to tell me. He also said to ignore every single word from the vident that my mother want.
Why I want to ordain?
The life of a ordinary person in Brazil is very ignorant and people don't understand if I abstain from sex, from alcoohol, from taking meat, eatting once in a day, not sleeping, retire... etc. Taking the precepts and do that things right here is difficult, people don't understand it, most of them don't see dukkha and they have a horrible act to juged.
In this case the life of a monk is the best thing for the proper pratice, 'find the truth by my self'. You know... the dhamma is the boat, truth is the other shore of the river... that kind of smiles that we buddhist are familiar...
What place to ordain?
Wat Pa Nanachat of course.
And thats it. You know friends... The dotricne is here and now, we just have to put in practice. The path was discovered 2.500 years ago.
Sorry if there is any writtings mistake.
EDIT: correct many writting mistakes.