BlackBird wrote:You're certain now, but what about in the future? Are you sure you'll always be certain? What about impermanence, do you think your certainty is not subject to impermanence? Is it somehow an exception to the universal law of impermanence?
I've considered other options as well. My heart just ain't in the lay life.
BlackBird wrote:From my experience "trial periods" serve a more pragmatic purpose, it allows the Sangha to get to know you as a person before they accept you into the fold. The monastic environment attracts a wide variety of individuals, not all of whom are suited to the lifestyle. Most good monasteries will have a trial period, if you don't have the patience to last that out, chances are you won't have the patience for the real thing.
I get the feeling you're at the stage where you think at least a portion of your troubles will go away if you get to ordain. Having gone through that, I can tell you it just leads to disappointment. This is because our troubles are inherent in the way our mind works, not in the external world.
Well, to a great extent the monastic life is about giving up what you want, so how do you expect to do this if you can't wait out a trial period?
Good comments. But in any case, the distractions (like duties and responcibilites) are distractions.
In one of the suttas Fondness for activity (Kammārāmataṃ) & fondness for talk are obstacles.
Fondness for activity (Kammārāmataṃ), fondness for talk (bhassārāmataṃ), fondness for sleep (niddārāmataṃ), fondness for company (saṅgaṇikārāmataṃ), non-control in the mental faculties (indriyesu aguttadvārataṃ) and not knowing the right amount to eat (bhojane amattaññutaṃ). PTS AN 3.449
BlackBird wrote:What's wrong with being a servant boy anyway? Do you think you're too good to serve others?
I can help others better by awakening first and then behaving from that.
Sn 1.3 quotes
For a sociable person there are allurements; on the heels of allurement, this pain. Seeing allurement's drawback, wander alone like a rhinoceros.
As a deer in the wilds, unfettered, goes for forage wherever it wants: the wise person, valuing freedom, wanders alone like a rhinoceros.
People follow & associate for a motive. Friends without a motive these days are rare. They're shrewd for their own ends, & impure. Wander alone
like a rhinoceros.http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/snp/snp.1.03.than.html
BlackBird wrote:What about Upasikas, Anagarikas and Samaneras - Are they not able to develop the holy life?
They and lay people can (or could) as well. It just seems to me that reclusive monks has an easier & quicker progress - if done right.
BlackBird wrote:I'm not trying to put you off, but I am trying to encourage in you a little introspection. I realize I have been kind of sharp, but I have not been sharp out of malice or ill will, but out of a desire to help. What I see here is pretty much how I thought a year ago. I think if I had been given the chance to ordain then, I would have disrobed by now. Perhaps you will say something about individualism and everybody being different but history is rich with examples of people who have joined quickly and left quickly - Just ask some of the venerable Bhikkhus who post here.
As I've said, this idea was present for a long while. I am not the kind of a person who just woke up with the idea to ordain, and went to ordain. In fact it may have been too long.
Thank you very much for your post, it was very helpful.