Falling apart

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Falling apart

Postby greggorious » Sat Apr 28, 2012 11:11 pm

I feel like I'm falling apart. I can't meditate, I can't sleep, I can hardly eat. I'm just depressed all the time. Thankfully I believe in Karma, otherwise I probably would have killed myself by now.
I'm gonna go to the doctors on monday and asked to be put back on anti depressants and also ask to see a psychotherapist. I thought Buddhism would help, but all the stories of hell realms and hungry ghost realms makes me feel worse. If the hell realm exists, I'm in it. It sure doesn't feel like I'm a human being.
"The original heart/mind shines like pure, clear water with the sweetest taste. But if the heart is pure, is our practice over? No, we must not cling even to this purity. We must go beyond all duality, all concepts, all bad, all good, all pure, all impure. We must go beyond self and nonself, beyond birth and death. When we see with the eye of wisdom, we know that the true Buddha is timeless, unborn, unrelated to any body, any history, any image. Buddha is the ground of all being, the realization of the truth of the unmoving mind.” Ajahn Chah
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Re: Falling apart

Postby Stephen K » Sun Apr 29, 2012 6:26 am

The following is what I've discovered helps alleviate suffering. Please use it - it works.

contemplate the three marks (impermanence, suffering, nonself)
practice contentment and acceptance
stay positive - focus on the good
be patient
see problems as challenges
when there's nothing to do, do nothing
allow it to be - let it be - let it go
consider it growing pains, par for the course

Listen to the songs Don't Worry Be Happy and Always Look On The Bright Side of Life all the time.
With metta,
Upāsaka Sumana
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Re: Falling apart

Postby Kim OHara » Sun Apr 29, 2012 6:45 am

Stefan wrote:The following is what I've discovered helps alleviate suffering. Please use it - it works.

contemplate the three marks (impermanence, suffering, nonself)
practice contentment and acceptance
stay positive - focus on the good
be patient
see problems as challenges
when there's nothing to do, do nothing
allow it to be - let it be - let it go
consider it growing pains, par for the course

Listen to the songs Don't Worry Be Happy and Always Look On The Bright Side of Life all the time.

Hi, Stefan, Greg -
Mostly very good advice but I have greyed out two suggestions - the first because it may increase depression in someone who is already very low. (It can take a bit of strength to let go of everything that still gives support as well the things that don't.)
And the last one is purely a matter of musical taste. Listening to *any* two songs constantly would drive me completely nuts. :tongue:

Take care, Greg. Your plan sounds good, so follow it through.
You don't need to give up on Buddhism, though - just avoid the silly stories about hungry ghosts by focusing on good basic teachings. The Dhammapada would be my first choice: clear, simple, positive.

:namaste:
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Re: Falling apart

Postby jackson » Sun Apr 29, 2012 10:29 am

Hi greggorious,
I'm sorry to hear you are suffering, I've been through hellish states myself, and know they're no picnic. It's good to hear you're seeking help and hope you can pull through this rough time, I'm rooting for you, I really am. I don't know if advice is appropriate at this time, but one thing that I find to be a helpful reminder is the saying "this too shall pass", and also Ajahn Brahm's simile of a truckload of dung being dumped on your front yard and then using it to grow a beautiful garden. Anyway, I hope that helps and I wish you all the best,
Sending you lots of metta and karuna,
Jackson
"The heart of the path is quite easy. There’s no need to explain anything at length. Let go of love and hate and let things be. That’s all that I do in my own practice." - Ajahn Chah
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Re: Falling apart

Postby befriend » Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:45 am

remind yourself that this is part of life, difficulties are not obstacles to the path difficulties ARE the path. also practice gratitude you may be depressed but atleast you are alive, you have hands and food, and water. some people do not even have clean drinking water or proper medicinal treatment.
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Re: Falling apart

Postby Sarva » Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:59 am

Good advice above!
A problem with hellish states is at the time it feels that there is little energy to overcome them and it would be impossible for others to believe how one feels. You are doing the right thing speaking to professional for help.

I suggest trying to replace negative or draining thoughts with positive thoughts of good things. At first this will take some energy but it will grow easier. You must make an effort and you can do it. You will look back with renewed strength at this period in life.

:anjali:
“Both formerly & now, it is only stress that I describe, and the cessation of stress.” — SN 22:86
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Re: Falling apart

Postby mikenz66 » Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:26 am

Dear Greg and others:

Please be mindful of our Terms of Service:
viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2
4. Members who are suffering from mental illnesses.

Dhamma Wheel is for the exploration and discussion of the Dhamma. While the aim of the Dhamma is to provide a path to the end of suffering, members of Dhamma Wheel are not qualified to deal with acute episodes of mental illness of another, as expressed on a discussion forum. The Administrators and Moderators of Dhamma Wheel request your compliance with regards to the following guidelines which is designed for the benefit of all:

-- Members who are suffering a serious mental illness should seek diagnosis and treatment from a qualified medical professional within their community. Members who are suffering from an acute phase of a mental illness, including intention to self harm and/or suicidal should seek immediate assistance. http://www.befrienders.org/index.asp
-- Members who are experiencing an acute phase of mental illness or suicidal ideation welcome to seek referral to medical and crisis services from administrators and moderators.
-- Members are asked not to use Dhamma Wheel as a platform to express intentions of self harm or suicide, the experience of voices or other hallucinations or other artefacts of acute mental illness.
-- When encountering a member suffering an acute episode of a mental illness, we should treat that member with compassion and refer that member to medical/emergency services within that person's community and to Dhamma Wheel staff.

Everyone here wishes you well, as you can see from the replies to your posts.

However, we are not qualified to help with serious problems such as yours, so we are very pleased that you are seeking professional care.

Best Wishes and Metta,
:anjali:
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Re: Falling apart

Postby polarbuddha101 » Mon Apr 30, 2012 4:11 am

greggorious wrote:I feel like I'm falling apart. I can't meditate, I can't sleep, I can hardly eat. I'm just depressed all the time. Thankfully I believe in Karma, otherwise I probably would have killed myself by now.
I'm gonna go to the doctors on monday and asked to be put back on anti depressants and also ask to see a psychotherapist. I thought Buddhism would help, but all the stories of hell realms and hungry ghost realms makes me feel worse. If the hell realm exists, I'm in it. It sure doesn't feel like I'm a human being.


I don't know what your work situation is like but if possible, and after being on the anti-depressants for a few weeks, you may want to see if your employer will let you take a "stress reduction vacation". Doctors in some countries (like germany) will actually prescribe such vacations.
"I don't envision a single thing that, when developed & cultivated, leads to such great benefit as the mind. The mind, when developed & cultivated, leads to great benefit."

"I don't envision a single thing that, when undeveloped & uncultivated, brings about such suffering & stress as the mind. The mind, when undeveloped & uncultivated, brings about suffering & stress."
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Re: Falling apart

Postby jackson » Thu May 03, 2012 12:20 am

Hi greggorious,
I just wanted to say that I hope you're feeling better and getting the help you need.
May you be free of danger, free of sorrow, free of pain and may you be at ease.
Best wishes,
Jackson
"The heart of the path is quite easy. There’s no need to explain anything at length. Let go of love and hate and let things be. That’s all that I do in my own practice." - Ajahn Chah
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Re: Falling apart

Postby MrsCogan » Tue May 08, 2012 11:19 pm

I think your plan is a good one and I hope you follow through with it. Meditation can be helpful as long as it is gentle. It can help you practice letting go of things and stilling the stories we tell ourselves about what the world is like. I'm a huge fan of antidepressants. They will not make you happy, but when they work they make you *able* which is usually enough.
Rewriting the Buddha, an Essay
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Re: Falling apart

Postby santa100 » Fri May 11, 2012 7:28 pm

Don't forget your daily physical exercises. When I'm down, I simply get out to the open sky and start jogging. An hour later, all the negative thoughts simply vanished. If you don't have any existing heart problem, give it a try. Works for me every time. Good luck..
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Re: Falling apart

Postby Buckwheat » Thu May 17, 2012 3:25 am

Stefan wrote:
when there's nothing to do, do nothing



I think this approach should be used with caution. I totally agree that there is a time for doing nothing. One of my difficulties in practice is that when the time to relax comes, I latch onto some entertainment or task, so learning to do nothing is an important skill. However, when fighting an acute bout of depression, sometimes I find it better to stay busy. I think the best task would be meditation, but if it is plagued my negative thoughts, sometimes a relaxing activity like hiking, cooking, or doing something that I normally enjoy can bring me around. Sometimes, because of the depression, even those "fun" activities are miserable, but from my past experience, forcing myself to go through the motions often leads to a change of heart at some point. I might not even feel better today, but it may result in a better tomorrow.

Also: diet, exercise, and rest have a huge impact on my mood.
Sotthī hontu nirantaraṃ - May you forever be well.
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Re: Falling apart

Postby retrofuturist » Thu May 17, 2012 3:59 am

Greetings Greg,

Whether I've mentioned these to you before, I can't recall, but either way, I'll recommend them again.

:reading:

The Zen Path Through Depression
http://www.amazon.com/The-Zen-Path-Thro ... 820&sr=1-1

The Power of Appreciation
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Appreci ... 1582701040

Happiness in Hard Times
http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-in-Hard ... 888&sr=1-6

(I pointed specifically to Amazon because they have the most comprehensive user comments... I'm not recommending you necessarily purchase these from them)

Unfortunately I cannot recommend anything on the topic spawned from within the Theravada tradition that would be useful to your situation, but I would recommend investigating the Buddha's teachings on the four brahma-viharas as application of these may be very beneficial.

Metta,
Retro. :)
If you have asked me of the origination of unease, then I shall explain it to you in accordance with my understanding:
Whatever various forms of unease there are in the world, They originate founded in encumbering accumulation. (Pārāyanavagga)


Exalted in mind, just open and clearly aware, the recluse trained in the ways of the sages:
One who is such, calmed and ever mindful, He has no sorrows! -- Udana IV, 7


Dharma Wheel (Mahayana / Vajrayana forum) -- Open flower ~ Open book (blog)
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Re: Falling apart

Postby InnerMaster » Sat Oct 20, 2012 9:32 am

Jesus i feel the exact same i use to meditate see god and energies but i took to many drugs and instead of letting my system settle and accepting the best of a somewhat bad situation i kept doing drugs now I am seveirly depressed and suicidal if you lived my life for one day you'd know my over 2 year battle and I've already hit them bottom it just feels like now im scraping on it. I take this psychological instability everywhere. My writing, social life, meditation. I can no longer meditate and feel like im snapping when i do. I see a demon face all the time so i know I am in the hell realms to. I am so close to killing my self and the little strength i muster up in this once great but now measly form is sucked away by my parents. I can literally feel them sucking the last amounts of strength from me i just wanna die. (I think there sucking my last drops of strength comes from them not having enough of there own and not being financially stable its kinda rocking them but still sucking it off someone who is suicidal is not the answer)

I just cant think anymore and everything is a fast past crazy ramble for me. (ecstasy can do a hell of a lot to your brain)
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Re: Falling apart

Postby Reductor » Sat Oct 20, 2012 4:24 pm

InnerMaster wrote:Jesus i feel the exact same i use to meditate see god and energies but i took to many drugs and instead of letting my system settle and accepting the best of a somewhat bad situation i kept doing drugs now I am seveirly depressed and suicidal if you lived my life for one day you'd know my over 2 year battle and I've already hit them bottom it just feels like now im scraping on it. I take this psychological instability everywhere. My writing, social life, meditation. I can no longer meditate and feel like im snapping when i do. I see a demon face all the time so i know I am in the hell realms to. I am so close to killing my self and the little strength i muster up in this once great but now measly form is sucked away by my parents. I can literally feel them sucking the last amounts of strength from me i just wanna die. (I think there sucking my last drops of strength comes from them not having enough of there own and not being financially stable its kinda rocking them but still sucking it off someone who is suicidal is not the answer)

I just cant think anymore and everything is a fast past crazy ramble for me. (ecstasy can do a hell of a lot to your brain)


Seek out some help!

Speak to a doctor, speak to your parents, speak to someone. Be honest about how you're feeling.

Even if you feel as though your parents are sucking your energy, it isn't them sucking anything. It's that you're depressed; a condition that can be reduced if properly treated.

:heart:
Michael

The thoughts I've expressed in the above post are carefully considered and offered in good faith.

And friendliness towards the world is happiness for him who is forbearing with living beings. -- Ud. 2:1
To his own ruin the fool gains knowledge, for it cleaves his head and destroys his innate goodness. -- Dhp 72

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