Great thing that you are doing, manas.
I see the opportunity here to tell a crazy story, which I am very eager to take.
So when things seem to get tough, don't light up but lighten up a bit, and read this funny (?) and inspiring (??) story.
I remember my first 10 day meditation retreat where I could not smoke. I was okay with that. Quite. On the surface. It was simple. It was good.
One night I had really crazy dreams, could hardly sleep, woke up soaked in sweat many times.
In one dream I was walking along some alley, feeling very lonely. I could not see anyone and was full of anxiety and longing for someone to help me somehow. I looked at the trees lined up on the pavement on the side of the road. It was dark and gloomy somehow, or something, although it was bright, I could not see very much, very far. Then I saw a pair of feet walking on the pavement and disappearing behind one of the trees, the rest of the body they belonged to already being out of view behind the trunk. I anxiously walked from the street to the pavement to the line of trees, walking around the trunk of that tree, wanting to follow after the walking feet I had seen. I felt so lonely. I cried "help me... help me... HELP MEEE!!", starting slowly, with a low voice, getting louder and desperate, and running behind the pair of walking feet, that I now saw again and hastily caught up with. It were only the feet, with the bones sticking out of the flesh cut off at the thighs, with blood running down. Without control, simultaneous with the last desperately and aggressively resounding "HELP MEEEE!!!!" I grasped and took hold of one of the feet-and-calves, raised it to my mouth and voraciously began eating it, tasting the blood and crunching the bones.
It was a very vivid dream.
That is the nature of craving. For whatever.
So be glad that you are still in a healthier mindset mostly (hopefully
), and remember your own good thoughts and how much sense they make:
manas wrote:I thought, "this is harming you, and sometimes even causes headaches in the mornings, etc, yet you crave it?" It is messed up to crave that which harms you. So addiction is like getting yourself in to a hole, you decide one day that you want out, but it's not so easy. it takes time. You are not out as soon as you make that first sincere volition to quit.
manas wrote:Now is always going to be the easiest time to do it. Because every time we give in to an urge, we strengthen it. If we keep strengthening it over and over again, it will take even more energy to overcome, when we do finally decide to abandon it. So spare yourself the pain - quit now.
Very simple and to the point. Very true. Very good. That's the way.
Keep it simple. You can do it.
It's funny though, that sometimes we have a hard time appreciating such simple truths. Forgetting about them, we make it complicated.
Thinking simple thoughts and letting go of nonsense, that's the way. Craving is just craving.
I like your simple thoughts. Keep them coming as they do, slowly slowly, khanti khanti.
May the force be with you!
It's awesome, Manas!
Perhaps a friendly tip will be of help - noticing the precise feeling of craving, with accompanying emotion, and encompassing it with equanimous loving-kindness, helped me to deal with old addiction.
Now I've just run out of tobacco.
Going to bed now, thinking about such things, maybe I'll quite smoking tomorrow... Maybe not.
Anyway, keep it going, manas! Keep it simple.
Mind your mind.