Thank you guys!
I feel much more motivated thanks to your messages!
what a great sangha you are
In particular the one that got to me is:
You can turn your enemies into your advantage to progress on the path. So make peace with them and be patient with yourself on the way.
I didn't think of it this way and it makes me see it in a different light, a possibility to use this sorrow for my self growth.
And this from Ben:
Try to observe what is going on while you are crying by focusing on the meditation object - sensations. Try to remain equanimous as much as possible.
I can see that I was doing it totally wrong because of my personal belief that sorrow and meditation couldn't coexist. So I would stop meditation and actually started thinking about past memories that made me hang on to them and wanting to live them again.
Also it is the "trying to remain equanimous" that I should work on. I tried today and I felt better.
I have to accept life as it is and not as I wish it to be.
This is an apparently simple thing that I will be working on.
But for the suggestion about doing Metta Bhavana.. I actually never really understood this meditation. And so I didn't practice it, I do Anapana and Vipassana only.
I mean, my experience is that this meditation as it was described during the seminars was too "visual" for me.
I actually imagined people (especially people that I didn't particularly like) and a feeling of love for them. But also the feeling of love seemed to be just imaginary. I end up not being able to focus on any feeling and not feeling like I am in a meditative state. Then, since I am not focused, I get distracted and it seems to me I am wasting time. I must be doing something wrong.. or this type of meditation is not for me
. I need something that I can "feel" and not imagine, I dont know if I am communicating it right. Also do you think I should I include the imagine of my ex in this practice?
Love to you all