mynameisadahn wrote:I am a little unclear on exactly how your issue of resistance to impermanence etc. arose. where you in a sitting or was it more general reflection?
in my limited experience, when i am sitting (and noting, as in the mahasi sayadaw tradition), i might feel resistance but it is experienced in terms of a specific bodily sensation, or my mind tries to entertain me with distractions and i note 'torpor' or something like that. or i just want to end my sitting because it is difficult. it would be hard for me to group things into 'resistance to impermanence' in the middle of a sit. if i feel like i have a sort of broader difficulty incorporating the dhamma into my life, then that sort of broader understanding would come across through reflection rather than a sitting itself.
however, i emphathize with what seems to be your broader point. i also have times where i feel resistance, and frequently, for me, this is articulated more in terms of disliking renuncitation, wanting to indulge, and just not wanting to do regular meditation. I think these are all sort of related. i think also, that is helpful to take an attitude of 'surrending to a tradition' to get through these issues, but i am still working on that.
i am interested, though, in learning a bit more about the appreciation of sensory experience in the Zen tradition. there seems to be more of an acknowledgment in Zen of enjoying transitory experiences and then just letting them go. Like Zen poetry talking about everyday experiences or seeing nature, and taking a sort of enlightened joy in that. Maybe taking that sort of Zen-like view to appreciating things would help take some of the (seemingly) dour/negative aspects away from coming to understand impermanence.
This is pretty abstract, so I hope my comment makes sense.
I appreciate your thoughtful post, thank you!
I think I still need to continue mindfully watching "it" whenever it arises. I apply mindfulness through most of my day, other than an increase of concentration on the pillow I do not directly decipher a difference between on or off the pillow (better results on the pillow, of course, but that doesn't exclude some results off the pillow). This occurred last night as I sat though and post reflection. It is less about the resistance to meditate and indulge (although there are parallels) and more about fundamentally accepting emptiness. (I think?).
I was simply watching the mind and ill-will arose towards impermanence & not self primarily. I wonder if it wasn't a standard habitual tendency to cling to permanence and a self; a continuing projection of the conscious experience. The longing for "more" in an empty world; essentially ignorance. I likely sound double sided as I intellectually and insightfully seen (likely in a shallow manner) impermanence, not self, and suffering.
I wonder if this falls in the category of doubt or ignorance in general (i.e. longing for permanence, self, & not suffering?).
No worries! Mindfulness is the solution in the end, was hoping for a category for this bugger to further assists in objective awareness.
Btw, I identify with that "Zen technique". I personally do not fret tradition, but I do find tranquility in the most mundane reality. Had a fun conversation the other day about finding bliss in mundane reality. It is all empty, you know? I still find it humor at how serious I've taken it all.