But if I shouldn't meditate right now because of my anxiety I'll never meditate because I've always been an anxious person, ever since I was a young lad. I've also been meditating now for about 7 to 8 months, and I have read a good bit about it as well. It's just that I realised this morning that my location of the breath is impossible, or seeminlgy impossible to locate. I find my self skipping from nostrils, to chest, to abdomen, to nostrils.
To be fair though, I sat again for another 20 minutes, and this time I simply closed my eyes and this helped me a little bit. It was better, not ideal, but I think this definitely may be the way to go. Eyes shut, it focused my awareness like a lens, and it limited distractions. Also, and this is important, when I say I inject a good deal of effort in my focusing, I dont mean to say I'm sat there brows knitted, sweat pouring down my face - I mean to say I'm applying the right effort, a real focus on the breath. Again, using the lens analogy it all focuses to a point on my breathing.
Perhaps I should be mediating to relax, to obtain the jhanas and not any insight meditation. Perhaps I need to focus on just getting relaxed, before I start looking to insights. This makes more sense to me.
Primarily, I need to relax, I've tried both, and I definitely get more results from the blissful states. I come off the cushion feeling relaxed. And that is what I need in my life right now. It's something I've always needed.
EDIT: Please, could someone recommend a book that focuses on relaxation meditstion, namely reaching the jhana states? Thank you very much