Earlier in my practice i didnt have så much knowledge about dukkha så i could sit for hours to meditate...
But now things hav haappen to me and iam aware of dukkha and so i become so big depressed when i sit and meditate
and my legs hurt and its so boring så i cant sit more then maybe 3 minutes before i sat easily 5 hours...that would not be happening now, never.
naturally i just opens my eyes and stop the meditation after like 30 second or something,
is it really the life meaning to sit and meditate and hope reach enligtment so i can come in to buddhahood and be there for ever?
I am not sure of your understanding of some of the basics of Buddhism so I will start from scratch, even if you know these things already it can be a good idea to refresh your memory from time to time...
There are 3 kinds of skilful intentions: kindness, compassion and renunciation. Why are they called "skilful"? They are called skilful because anything we think, say or do based on these intentions will lead to beneficial results for ourselves and others. The 3 unskilful intentions are: ill-will, cruelty and clinging - actions of body, speech or mind based on these intentions lead to negative outcomes.
The reason I mention Right Intention is because it sounds to me like you have been creating unskilful meditation kamma (kamma means intentional acts of body speech or mind). Maybe you think that you will "get somewhere" if you sit through the pain. Maybe you have conditioned your mind in such a way that you are "big depressed" when the mind knows it's in for another hour of torture. Maybe I'm wrong, but I would recommend that next time you meditate please check your intentions at the start of the session (make sure that you are being kind, gentle and making peace with your body and mind, not trying to control your body or fight your mind) and see whether I am right about this or not.
You could even take a break from meditation altogether for a week or two and then when you come back really make an effort to set up those skilful intentions of kindness, compassion and renunciation. It doesn't matter if you meditate for 30 seconds or 5 hours make sure that these three intentions are there.
If your mind is down focus on your goodness. If you keep the five precepts then recollect how harmless you are or if are generous then call to mind some generous acts you have done. If your mind is crazy just tell it "okay crazy mind, go and do what you like I won't try to stop you!" don't try to resist it with ill-will. Whatever happens happens, make peace with whatever you are experiencing in each moment and be kind to yourself in each moment - don't make war with yourself or your meditation object!
i think the meaning is to create a heaven on earth, just really good fun friends to hang out with all the time, nothing can beat that
If you do breath meditation, for example, make sure you aren't trying to control the breath. Treat the breath like you would treat a good friend (to borrow some advice from Ajahn Brahm). Create heavenly mindstates through kindness towards yourself both in and out of meditation time.
Also I highly recommend (if you aren't already doing so) to attend some meditation classes or get yourself a good meditation manual. My favourite book on meditation is Mindfulness, Bliss and Beyond by Ajahn Brahm
. Also here is one I haven't finished reading yet but is highly regarded among meditators: Mindfulness in Plain English by Ven. Henepola Gunaratana