anger: how to observe

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anger: how to observe

Postby delora » Fri Oct 08, 2010 12:05 am

Hi there,

The other evening I was lying in bed. Some memories came up which brought a huge amount of anger in me.

I wasn't sure what to do. To focus on the breath calmed it down, and almost made it vanish. But I have also heard to see things "as they are". I interpret this as observing the anger and being with it...seeing it through. This was... difficult... and by mid morning the next day, I can say it was gone. However, I do wonder if doing the latter is damaging?

I am not exactly new to meditation, but I would not call myself experienced. It can be quite confusing going through all the threads and different opinions, so please forgive me if this is a basic question or has been addressed elsewhere.

Am I right in thinking that this sort of question: regarding what to observe, is similar to the samatha vs vipasanna debate?
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Ben » Fri Oct 08, 2010 12:49 am

Hi delora

I was going to write something, but I think this might be better:

It's not easy to face one's own impurities. When anger arises, it so quickly overwhelms us that we don't even notice. Then, overpowered by anger, we perform physical or vocal actions which harm ourselves and others. Later, when the anger has passed, we start crying and repenting, begging pardon from this or that person or from God: “Oh, I made a mistake, please excuse me!” But the next time we are in a similar situation, we again react in the same way. This continual repenting doesn't help at all.

The difficulty is that we are not aware when negativity starts. It begins deep in the unconscious mind, and by the time it reaches the conscious level it has gained so much strength that it overwhelms us, and we cannot observe it.

Suppose that I employ a private secretary, so that whenever anger arises he says to me, “Look, anger is starting!” Since I cannot know when this anger will start, I'll need to hire three private secretaries for three shifts, around the clock! Let's say I can afford it, and anger begins to arise. At once my secretary tells me, “Oh look—anger has started!” The first thing I'll do is rebuke him: “You fool! You think you're paid to teach me?” I'm so overpowered by anger that good advice won't help.

Suppose wisdom does prevail and I don't scold him. Instead, I say, “Thank you very much. Now I must sit down and observe my anger.” Yet, is it possible? As soon as I close my eyes and try to observe anger, the object of the anger immediately comes into my mind—the person or incident which initiated the anger. Then I'm not observing the anger itself; I'm merely observing the external stimulus of that emotion. This will only serve to multiply the anger, and is therefore no solution. It is very difficult to observe any abstract negativity, abstract emotion, divorced from the external object which originally caused it to arise.

However, someone who reached the ultimate truth found a real solution. He discovered that whenever any impurity arises in the mind, physically two things start happening simultaneously. One is that the breath loses its normal rhythm. We start breathing harder whenever negativity comes into the mind. This is easy to observe. At a subtler level, a biochemical reaction starts in the body, resulting in some sensation. Every impurity will generate some sensation or the other within the body.

This presents a practical solution. An ordinary person cannot observe abstract defilements of the mind—abstract fear, anger or passion. But with proper training and practice it is very easy to observe respiration and body sensations, both of which are directly related to mental defilements.

Respiration and sensations will help in two ways. First, they will be like private secretaries. As soon as a negativity arises in the mind, the breath will lose its normality; it will start shouting, “Look, something has gone wrong!” And we cannot scold the breath; we have to accept the warning. Similarly, the sensations will tell us that something has gone wrong. Then, having been warned, we can start observing the respiration, start observing the sensations, and very quickly we find that the negativity passes away.

This mental-physical phenomenon is like a coin with two sides. On one side are the thoughts and emotions arising in the mind, on the other side are the respiration and sensations in the body. Any thoughts or emotions, any mental impurities that arise manifest themselves in the breath and the sensations of that moment. Thus, by observing the respiration or the sensations, we are in fact observing mental impurities. Instead of running away from the problem, we are facing reality as it is. As a result, we discover that these impurities lose their strength; they no longer overpower us as they did in the past. If we persist, they eventually disappear altogether and we begin to live a peaceful and happy life, a life increasingly free of negativities.

In this way the technique of self-observation shows us reality in its two aspects, inner and outer. Previously we only looked outward, missing the inner truth. We always looked outside for the cause of our unhappiness; we always blamed and tried to change the reality outside. Being ignorant of the inner reality, we never understood that the cause of suffering lies within, in our own blind reactions toward pleasant and unpleasant sensations.

Now, with training, we can see the other side of the coin. We can be aware of our breathing and also of what is happening inside. Whatever it is, breath or sensation, we learn just to observe it without losing our mental balance. We stop reacting and multiplying our misery. Instead, we allow the defilements to manifest and pass away.

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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Phra Chuntawongso » Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:37 am

delora wrote:Hi there,

The other evening I was lying in bed. Some memories came up which brought a huge amount of anger in me.

I wasn't sure what to do. To focus on the breath calmed it down, and almost made it vanish. But I have also heard to see things "as they are". I interpret this as observing the anger and being with it...seeing it through. This was... difficult... and by mid morning the next day, I can say it was gone. However, I do wonder if doing the latter is damaging?

I am not exactly new to meditation, but I would not call myself experienced. It can be quite confusing going through all the threads and different opinions, so please forgive me if this is a basic question or has been addressed elsewhere.

Am I right in thinking that this sort of question: regarding what to observe, is similar to the samatha vs vipasanna debate?

Hi delora.I see what Ben has posted above and I recall doing a Goenka course when this came up.It is so true that we can be be aware of the subtle body changes that occur when things like anger arise.
Focusing on your breath is a good way to start dealing with this problem.When anger arises our normal breathing pattern changes.
Its funny really,I just now remember when I was younger(distant memory)that if I got angry people would always say,breath,count to 10,things like that.I wonder how many of them know that that is a form of meditatation.
So anyway,focusing on the breath is great.Observing the anger is also fine.I am not sure exactly what you mean by being with the anger.I would just note the anger.Noting-anger,anger etc until it goes away.If after a while it doesn't go away return to the breathing for a while and then maybe later try to note anger again.As you said the anger did go away.It is impermanent.I think you did well. :woohoo:
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby 5heaps » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:15 am

anger agitates so if concentration (samadhi) is your goal completely avoiding anger is key, and if it arises, antidotes need to be quickly applied or else samadhi will be damaged for some time. one such antidote could very well be quickly entering concentration on the mind, or it could just be completely disengaging the thoughts and changing the environment (ie. going for a walk).

however when these kinds of coarse mental afflictions arise they can be very helpful for vipassana since these things bring about distortions about oneself (strong grasping of a self to persons, but such a self to you doesnt exist).
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Goofaholix » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:21 am

The important thing when observing is the observing, not that which is being observed.

When one realises that then it doesn't really matter what's going on, and what's going on doesn't overwhelm you any more. What does matter is the quality of observation, and the attitude with which you observe, give importance to that.
"Proper effort is not the effort to make something particular happen. It is the effort to be aware and awake each moment." - Ajahn Chah
"When we see beyond self, we no longer cling to happiness. When we stop clinging, we can begin to be happy." - Ajahn Chah
"Know and watch your heart. It’s pure but emotions come to colour it." — Ajahn Chah
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Spiny O'Norman » Sat Oct 09, 2010 10:28 am

Goofaholix wrote:The important thing when observing is the observing, not that which is being observed.

When one realises that then it doesn't really matter what's going on, and what's going on doesn't overwhelm you any more. What does matter is the quality of observation, and the attitude with which you observe, give importance to that.


This sounds good, but could you say a bit more about the quality of observation and the attitude used?
Thanks.

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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Individual » Sat Oct 09, 2010 2:37 pm

I don't think it matters too much "how" one observes anger, merely that one actually observe it as it happens, or at least after it happens -- most don't.

I could say some stuff, but it might not be relevant, because knowing what anger looks like without having observed it, it's kinda like explaining color to a blind man, you know?

But here: Anger arises only because we were angry in the past, and do not yet know how to deal with it. We get into a stressful situation (craving and aversion, where we can't get what we want or can't avoid what we want to avoid) which typically involves other humans. And instead of taking responsibility for our unskillful behavior or recognizing that others are ignorant (and that's OK because we're ignorant too), we become angry. It feels easier to blame others than to take responsibility, or to hate others instead of expressing compassion for their ignorance. This is why we feel, "I have a right to be angry, I deserve to be angry". And overcoming the anger, seeing through it, feels like an embarrassment, like you suddenly realize you've just been saying, "I have a RIGHT to walk around with no pants, I DESERVE to have no pants"; it's shameful. But we don't see this in the moment it happens because anger reduces the clarity of our perception. Breathing meditation also helps (anxiety and anger tend to go together).

In one sutta, the Buddha says that the solution when anger arises is to also recognize, "What more can I expect?" (Everything arises because of cause & effect, anything which happens is either my own kamma, or the kamma of another -- so long as I am within Samsara, how can I not expect to suffer?)
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Phra Chuntawongso » Sat Oct 09, 2010 2:59 pm

Spiny O'Norman wrote:
Goofaholix wrote:The important thing when observing is the observing, not that which is being observed.

When one realises that then it doesn't really matter what's going on, and what's going on doesn't overwhelm you any more. What does matter is the quality of observation, and the attitude with which you observe, give importance to that.


This sounds good, but could you say a bit more about the quality of observation and the attitude used?
Thanks.

Spiny

I think when we observe things like anger it is important to just see it for what it is.Firstly it is important to remember it is not MY anger.I do not own this anger.Just observe it in a nuetral fashion.The problem is we know that we really shouldn't get angry and so get angry about being angry :tantrum:
If we can see the arising of anger fast enough then we can prevent the anger from manifesting itself either verbally,physically or mentally.
When you observe anger arising just note(observe)here is anger and let it go.
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Goofaholix » Sat Oct 09, 2010 7:37 pm

Spiny O'Norman wrote:
Goofaholix wrote:The important thing when observing is the observing, not that which is being observed.

When one realises that then it doesn't really matter what's going on, and what's going on doesn't overwhelm you any more. What does matter is the quality of observation, and the attitude with which you observe, give importance to that.


This sounds good, but could you say a bit more about the quality of observation and the attitude used?
Thanks.


By quality of observation I mean is it stable or is it drifting, is it clear or is it muddied, is it better than usual or worse, is it objective or subjective.

By attitude I mean is one trying to get something out of ones experience or change ones experience, or is one open accepting and interested. Is one averse to the experience or attracted to it. Is one making up a story about the experience or with the bare reality.

When these things are what is important to you in meditation then it really doesn't matter what the experience is because you don't get involved in it and one has the opportunity to learn much about ones relationship with experience.
"Proper effort is not the effort to make something particular happen. It is the effort to be aware and awake each moment." - Ajahn Chah
"When we see beyond self, we no longer cling to happiness. When we stop clinging, we can begin to be happy." - Ajahn Chah
"Know and watch your heart. It’s pure but emotions come to colour it." — Ajahn Chah
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Spiny O'Norman » Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:22 am

Goofaholix wrote:By quality of observation I mean is it stable or is it drifting, is it clear or is it muddied, is it better than usual or worse, is it objective or subjective.

By attitude I mean is one trying to get something out of ones experience or change ones experience, or is one open accepting and interested. Is one averse to the experience or attracted to it. Is one making up a story about the experience or with the bare reality.

When these things are what is important to you in meditation then it really doesn't matter what the experience is because you don't get involved in it and one has the opportunity to learn much about ones relationship with experience.



Thanks. I find that an open and accepting attitude is particularly important.

Spiny
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Spiny O'Norman » Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:26 am

Nanadhaja wrote:I think when we observe things like anger it is important to just see it for what it is.Firstly it is important to remember it is not MY anger.I do not own this anger.Just observe it in a nuetral fashion.The problem is we know that we really shouldn't get angry and so get angry about being angry :tantrum:
If we can see the arising of anger fast enough then we can prevent the anger from manifesting itself either verbally,physically or mentally.
When you observe anger arising just note(observe)here is anger and let it go.


I find that clear recognition has the effect of defusing emotions like anger, and like you said it's helpful to catch the arising at an early stage before it "takes over". I find it helpful to think "there's some anger" rather than "I am angry".

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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Freawaru » Sun Oct 17, 2010 11:55 am

delora wrote:Hi there,

The other evening I was lying in bed. Some memories came up which brought a huge amount of anger in me.

I wasn't sure what to do.


Depends on what you intend.

To focus on the breath calmed it down, and almost made it vanish.


Here you used a concentration technique to induce samatha and suppress the emotion.

But I have also heard to see things "as they are". I interpret this as observing the anger and being with it...seeing it through.


:smile:

This was... difficult... and by mid morning the next day, I can say it was gone. However, I do wonder if doing the latter is damaging?


By own experience I would say: yes, it can be damaging.

For example, when angry one cannot sleep as good as when calm, and lack of sleep influences our health. Also, emotions induces physical tension
and the like that are only meant to stay in our body for a short duration.

But on the other hand it can also be healthy to let our emotions run it's course. In our culture we are always encouraged to suppress emotions for the sake of social interactions, a behaviour that induces a lot of subconscious stress. To actually face our emotions, to let them run and observe them, can be healing.

It can also be educational. During emotion our mind works different than during calm, it is very interesting to observe and analyse the changes.

And finally it can be a way to practice the Dhamma. Emotions such as anger are accompanied by an increased concentration. The focus is on whatever makes the emotion stay. This increased concentration can be used to enter one's mind deeply and observe those processes that we are usually not aware of because they are too fast.
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Phra Chuntawongso » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:46 pm

Spiny O'Norman wrote:
Nanadhaja wrote:I think when we observe things like anger it is important to just see it for what it is.Firstly it is important to remember it is not MY anger.I do not own this anger.Just observe it in a nuetral fashion.The problem is we know that we really shouldn't get angry and so get angry about being angry :tantrum:
If we can see the arising of anger fast enough then we can prevent the anger from manifesting itself either verbally,physically or mentally.
When you observe anger arising just note(observe)here is anger and let it go.


I find that clear recognition has the effect of defusing emotions like anger, and like you said it's helpful to catch the arising at an early stage before it "takes over". I find it helpful to think "there's some anger" rather than "I am angry".

Spiny

Absolutely Spiny.I am angry gives us ownership of an emotion.This is why in vipassana(and I guess others)meditation we do not say I am angry,hot,sleepy etc.It is merely seeing-here is anger.Then you start to see the nature of anger.You see its rising and its ceasing.You can see the nature of this anger.Is it strong,small.
Then you can let it go.
I used to spend days being angry,not necessarily verbalising it to others about stuff that had either happened or I thought might happen.After a while it would go away and then insome cases I would be angry for being angry :tantrum:
Go figure huh. :jumping:
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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Hoo » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:53 pm

I used to spend days being angry,not necessarily verbalising it to others about stuff that had either happened or I thought might happen.After a while it would go away and then insome cases I would be angry for being angry
Go figure huh.


You know, it took me years to figure out why I did that. In my case, that past or future anger was a way to protect myself in the present! The short version of the story is that I had been hurt in the past. It was often enough that I wanted to defend myself. I'd chew on old stuff, pre-suffer future stuff, and the anger kept me vigilant - ready to do battle. It also gave out clear vibes to others to keep their distance.

It's rare that I do that these days but it still does happen sometimes. Now it's an alert that mindfulness has slipped and I/me/mine is operating. I tend to not get angry with myself over it any more. Don't get me wrong, I'm not good at it but getting better with practice. :)

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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Vepacitta » Tue Oct 19, 2010 12:26 am

There's a great nuts and bolts 'how to' on observing anger during meditation written by Aj. Thanissaro on access to insight. I don't know how to link but you could type in anger in the search engine there and probably find it. It's in one of his essays on meditation.

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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby mikenz66 » Tue Oct 19, 2010 3:58 am

Vepacitta wrote:There's a great nuts and bolts 'how to' on observing anger during meditation written by Aj. Thanissaro on access to insight. I don't know how to link but you could type in anger in the search engine there and probably find it. It's in one of his essays on meditation.

One of these?

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... iness.html
Say for instance, that you're meditating, and a feeling of anger toward your mother appears. Immediately, the mind's reaction is to identify the anger as "my" anger, or to say that "I'm" angry. It then elaborates on the feeling, either working it into the story of your relationship to your mother, or to your general views about when and where anger toward one's mother can be justified. The problem with all this, from the Buddha's perspective, is that these stories and views entail a lot of suffering. The more you get involved in them, the more you get distracted from seeing the actual cause of the suffering: the labels of "I" and "mine" that set the whole process in motion. As a result, you can't find the way to unravel that cause and bring the suffering to an end.

If, however, you can adopt the emptiness mode — by not acting on or reacting to the anger, but simply watching it as a series of events, in and of themselves — you can see that the anger is empty of anything worth identifying with or possessing. As you master the emptiness mode more consistently, you see that this truth holds not only for such gross emotions as anger, but also for even the most subtle events in the realm of experience. This is the sense in which all things are empty. When you see this, you realize that labels of "I" and "mine" are inappropriate, unnecessary, and cause nothing but stress and pain. You can then drop them. When you drop them totally, you discover a mode of experience that lies deeper still, one that's totally free.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... cmind.html
Suppose that anger is interfering with your concentration. Instead of getting involved in the anger, you try simply to be aware of when it's there and when it's not. You look at the anger as an event in and of itself — as it comes, as it goes. But you don't stop there. The next step — as you're still working at focusing on the breath — is recognizing how anger can be made to go away. Sometimes simply watching it is enough to make it go away; sometimes it's not, and you have to deal with it in other ways, such as arguing with the reasoning behind the anger or reminding yourself of the drawbacks of anger. In the course of dealing with it, you have to get your hands dirty. You've got to try and figure out why the anger is coming, why it's going, how you can get it out of there, because you realize that it's an unskillful state. And this requires that you improvise. Experiment. You've got to chase your ego and impatience out of the way so that you can have the space to make mistakes and learn from them, so that you can develop a skill in dealing with the anger. It's not just a question of hating the anger and trying to push it away, or of loving the anger and welcoming it. These approaches may give results in the short run, but in the long run they're not especially skillful. What's called for here is the ability to see what the anger is composed of; how can you take it apart.

One technique I like to use — when anger is present and you're in a situation where you don't immediately have to react to people — is simply to ask yourself in a good-natured way, "Okay, why are you angry?" Listen to what the mind has to say. Then pursue the matter: "But why are you angry at that? " "Of course, I'm angry. After all..." "Well, why are you angry at that?" If you keep this up, the mind will eventually admit to something stupid, like the assumption that people shouldn't be that way — even though they blatantly are that way — or that people should act in line with your standards, or whatever the mind is so embarrassed about that it tries to hide from you. But finally, if you keep probing, it'll fess up. You gain a lot of understanding of the anger that way, and this can really weaken its power over you.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... heart.html
If, for example, you're feeling anger toward someone, ask yourself, "How am I breathing right now? How can I change the way I breathe so that my body can feel more comfortable?" Anger often engenders a sense of discomfort in the body, and you feel you've got to get rid of it. The common ways of getting rid of it are two, and they're both unskillful: either you bottle it up, or you try to get it out of your system by letting it out in your words and deeds.

So the Buddha provides a third, more skillful alternative: Breathe through your discomfort and dissolve it away. Let the breath create physical feelings of ease and fullness, and allow those feelings to saturate your whole body. This physical ease helps put the mind at ease as well. When you're operating from a sense of ease, it's easier to fabricate skillful perceptions as you evaluate your response to the issue with which you're faced.

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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Spiny O'Norman » Tue Oct 19, 2010 11:27 am

Nanadhaja wrote:Absolutely Spiny.I am angry gives us ownership of an emotion.This is why in vipassana(and I guess others)meditation we do not say I am angry,hot,sleepy etc.It is merely seeing-here is anger.Then you start to see the nature of anger.You see its rising and its ceasing.You can see the nature of this anger.Is it strong,small.
Then you can let it go.


It's interesting to really look at how anger arises. What I've noticed is that anger invariably seems to stem from frustrated desire, in other words, people, things, life, not being how I want them to be. Back to that pesky second Noble Truth again, the trouble caused by desire and aversion, wanting and not wanting. ;)

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Re: anger: how to observe

Postby Vepacitta » Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:22 am

Thanks Mike! It was the second essay you posted that I was thinking about - I personally found it helpful.

Cheers from Mt. Meru,

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