freefall wrote: Sorry about my drama. If it isn't my drama the whose is it?
Nobody's drama, maybe your attachment to it.
Freefall, I empathise with your situation, remember to be kind to yourself and don't over-analyse the status quo.
Just recognise there is suffering/agitation/discontent with your life, and then take it from there - start off with generosity and kindness to yourself and your friends around you, fulfil your precepts (importantly stay off the drugs and booze).
Go on retreat, and establish yourself in a meditation technique.
Everything starts off with baby steps.
Be well in Dhamma,